I’d been considering doing this blog post for a very long time, I did want to do a video, but words sometimes need a bit more thought than just projecting things that come into my head at my camera. When I started this blog, back in 2009 because I’d read other blogs and I despised my job and used this as an escape. A place to talk about my most recent Mac find at the boot sale for 50p! It was my hobby, and what’s really important to remember at the beginning of this blog post, is that it still is. It just happens to be my job now.

Over the past few years, my life seems to have taken a complete 180. Did I set out for it to become that way? Of course not. Did I ever expect it? Hell no. Did I ever plan on making a living from it? Nope.

I was quite set on just making videos to make people happy, regardless of how many people watched them, and that is still my main aim. It just so happens that there is now A LOT of people, and with a lot of people, come many characters and opinions. Something I am not used to. I am a wallflower, I have anxiety, I’m not a disney princess who lives this perfect life with no flaws or ups or downs. I’ve had some of the hardest things to overcome over the past years i’ve been online, but have chosen to keep those things personal to me, things I’m still having to deal with now. 

 I just want you to know that behind “Zoella” is Zoe, a normal girl, a girl who sometimes falls asleep with her makeup on, or has a panic attack in the airport, who cares what people think of her way too much, who sometimes eats chocolate for breakfast. I often think that a lot of people just expect that the YouTubers they watch or look up to, are used to the commotion, or stopping for pictures when you go shopping, or standing on a stage in front of 5,000 people screaming at you, or accepting an award in wembley stadium in front of 9,000 people ON MY OWN (absolutely terrifying). I can honestly tell you, I still wake up every day and pinch myself and it’s not really sunk in. People ask me if i’m a celebrity…and the answer is no. I’m not. I just make videos that lot’s of people like to watch. Does that mean that it’s okay for groups of girls to sit outside my house and wait for me to leave, or to ring my doorbell multiple times? I’m not sure it does. Does that mean I am able to perfectly handle walking into a room at an event or a meet and greet to be greeted by a wall of screams? No, I’m still not quite used to that one either haha!

I can’t speak for everyone, but personally, I still find this all very overwhelming. I am a person that suffers very badly from anxiety, and yet I still push myself to try all these new and exciting avenues that crop up on this extremely bizarre and amazing journey I seem to be trundling along on (with you all by my side). I am offered SO MANY amazing opportunities, things I never thought for one second I would ever do, things that only a crazy person would turn down. Is it hard for me to do these things? 60% of the time YES. You see the vlogs, and everything looks so peachy, what you don’t see, are those moments when I have to stand outside to calm down, where I have to spend the evening in bed instead of hanging out with all my friends making memories in new places. It’s hard, it’s just not something I ever talk about or vlog about (funnily enough, in these situations, my first priority is never to grab my camera…), but do I want to miss out on meeting people who want to meet me? Of course not. There has been a lot of talk surrounding “YouTube Celebrity Culture” and the fan base that has grown for youtubers recently. I uploaded a vlog from Digifest where things did get a little crazy, and have felt that more and more people are growing confused by it. All I can say is, you and me both. I like to document these things, and share them with you all, because it’s a part of my life, and it’s because of you reading or watching that have enabled me to do all these amazing things. When i’m old and wrinkly, I’ll hope I can watch back at those clips of people screaming whilst i’m stood on a stage and remember it with smiles (possibly not my teeth mind you). I do find it very difficult to fully enjoy meet and greets recently. As our audiences have grown, and more and more people would like the chance to meet us (Trust me, I’m still not quite getting my head around this either…), it becomes increasingly difficult to be able to carry things like this out safely for everyone there. I hate not being able to sit around a table and chat anymore, and I am looking into ways that it can be scaled down. Not only does it break my heart that I can’t meet everybody, but I feel like quantity should never outnumber quality when it comes to things like this and it all gets very rushed, and squished and I come away from it feeling like I might have let people down, or because i’m on edge myself, they haven’t gotten to meet the best version of myself. (Anxious minds tend to overthink). It also breaks my heart when other people have panic attacks. I can empathise with them completely and have jumped into queues and crowds and pulled girls out and made sure they are okay on a number of different occasions. Security is also an issue for me in most venues or meet ups, they are paid to stand and make sure that nothing gets out of hand, they are not generally very friendly, or accommodating, and that too makes me a little mad. Myself, Louise & Tanya have all had a pop at security recently, so we are certainly aware that they aren’t always nice. Besides this, and events and meet ups being quite a stressful environment, it makes me SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY to be able to meet you, and hug you and to hear in some cases from you personally that I have made a difference to your life. I can’t even begin to explain the feeling, but it’s amazing! 

 It would be interesting to hear some of your thoughts if you have been to a meet up in the comments? 

I’ve been to a lot of conventions, with lot’s of viewers and fellow online friends and have received many amazing receptions, screaming, crying, hugging, and in all honesty, I don’t feel like it ever really felt like any of it was for me. It sort of went over my head. I don’t mean that in a negative way, just in the fact that I think if I blocked out that side of it, it would be less pressurising and less stressful for me. I am just a normal girl after all, I almost felt as though I didn’t deserve it. The other day, when I went to digifest, a convention in hammersmith with 5,000 people. I walked out on stage with all my friends, and my brother and everyone cheered and all of a sudden I got chills all over my body and I just felt like the luckiest person alive to be standing there, with all the people I love who has also gone through this crazy journey with me and it struck me that people were happy to see us. I really had to force myself not to cry, and that was the first time, since I’d started any of this, that I felt it was real. It can be very overwhelming, and that point, I felt it more than ever. 

I don’t know how things got to how they are today, but I am so grateful for every single one of you who support me no matter what, and can hold my hand (virtually) through all this. And I definitely do need that. I’ve met some amazing people, travelled to some amazing places, and i’m not sure any of this would have happened if it wasn’t for something very life changing happening in my life in 2012, and me deciding I was going to say yes more often or if it wasn’t for those of you reading this now. This is all very new, and people are still trying to get their heads around it, but don’t forget, that we are too :)

I have some very exciting things coming up this year and there is always that small part of me that feels as though I should just creep back and just stick to making videos and nothing else, but there is also that part of me that is SO excited to live out things I only ever dreamed of as I was growing up. I worry too much about the negative people, that don’t agree with the way this has all panned out. I’ve learnt now that those who mind don’t matter, and those that matter don’t mind, and there is no way i’m ditching the option to do the things i’ve always wanted just in case a few people disagree or send me mean comments. I can’t wait to share these exciting things with you, and I really hope you’re excited too.

Well, I feel like I just offloaded! haha there is definitely some food for thought, but I just wanted to clear up how I felt about all this recently. Of course I can only speak for myself, but you have to remember that behind the smiles, and the hugs and the screams and squeals, we are normal people, and we can find it overwhelming and daunting too, and we just want to meet as many of you as we can, in a safe way. YOU are our priority. :) And if you don’t want to meet me, that’s okay too! I have a really broad audience, which can be difficult to cater to, I just hope that those of you reading this are happy, like watching my videos, and in turn that makes me happier than anything! 

Love you all


  1. Loved this! So proud of all your achievements! :) XX


  2. Mioli

    This is honest and amazing, thanks Zoe ♥

  3. So excited to read this, I've missed you posting on your blog!
    Serena xo


  4. you will be my insparation because you do things like this i respect you so much i love you x

  5. this is amazing <3

  6. You know I have always wanted to make videos and even when I do, I get really scared of posting them up online because I don't know what people might think and I get panicky about it. This post has made me realize that I don't need to hide behind others

  7. interesting post which i think speaks for how a lot of people probably feel! even as a viewer myself i found it overwhelming how much the youtube community has grown and it confuses me. i'm not gonna write a long post but i've been to meet ups and things (as i explained to you before – security at sitc seemed to tell US that you guys didnt want to meet us; obviously untrue) and it's really strange to see such crazy things, and well security just sometimes arent the best.
    anyway, zoe, it's your hobby and like you said never intended for it to be a job. continue to do what YOU want and the ones who have your full support will support you no matter what :) it's really lovely to see your support grow and i hope you dont feel too uncomfortable with all this. it was lovely to meet you again last week and i love ya x

  8. Zoe, this is beautiful! I'm so proud and I will try not to be someone who overwhelms you if I ever get to meet you!

    Joely xxx

    basically bonjour

  9. That is really good what you have just shared with all of us. My mum wants me to stop watching.youtube because she said all they are are perfect people doing perfect things and if i show it to her maybe she'll realise you are just normal person with a fortunate turn of events. Keep in saying yes it will bring good things to your life. I will be praying for you regularly. (I'm a Christian)

  10. You're an amazing person Zoe and I will always love you and it's so great that you put this out there because I think everyones equal and I like the part about chocolate for breakfast :D You're still one of my favourite youtubers though and I still want to go to a youtube convention it's my dream

  11. We love you too! :)

  12. Zoe, you are absolutely gorgeous and I am so proud of you. Opening up like this must have taken a lot of courage and I am so happy you decided to trust us enough to tell us how you really feel. I've often wondered about how overwhelming it can all be, and I see now that I was right in believing it was. Hopefully things get a little easier for you to handle in the future. <3 x

  13. Saz

    Zoe Elizabeth Sugg thank you so much for such an honest and genuine post <3 I love you for being Zoe, the girl who is only a little older than me and i can pretend is my friend giving me life, fashion and beauty advice. You may be zoella280390 with nearly 5 million followers, but to me you'll always be Zoe first. Just keep being you hun :) xxx

  14. DPS

    You are very cute :) I was wondering how can you handle you panics, when you "had to" fly to Dubai etc, but now here we got the answer: you are still fighting with your demons, but you are better and better in that :) I wish you the bestestests :)

  15. Zoe, we understand, we don't know you personally and never will but I think I can speak for many people in saying we'd feel the exact same. Thank you for all that you do x

  16. Chloe

    you deserve everything zoe you are so kind and helpful and you want everyone to be happy we all love you :) xx

  17. This was brilliant and brave. I think it's important that the viewers are aware the camera doesn't show everything going on!

  18. I remember when you wrote blog posts about your jumble sale finds. :D Great post Zoe, screaming fan girls really are an odd phenomenon

  19. I loved it. I don't know the first thing you are going thru so I won't like and say I can relate. But I will say that I'm entertained by your videos and I will never run up to you screaming like a banchee. Vidcon is out of reach for me right now but maybe one day our paths will cross. Love, Loralie.

  20. Louise

    As an anxiety sufferer myself I really admire you for the way you overcome it for the sake of your viewers/readers! I know it can be incredibly difficult in the times you are offscreen. I have always wanted the confidence and strength to start vlogging but never have, and really respect you for all you have achieved. It is for that reason that I find you a real inspiration, not because you're a "celebrity" or "youtube famous" :) x

  21. Anouk

    Loved reading this Zoe. I would be so overwhelmed too. Who wouldn't be? And I think we all understand and we can relate to you so much, because you are always honest and real with us. I'm so proud of you for sharing this, Zoe!

  22. I'm so glad you can be that honest with us, thank you (: just carry on with what you're doing because I and I know lots of other people love it!! Thank you xx

  23. I really like your blog and YouTube channel and i would love to meet you.But i don't think i am great in big cramped spaces. I am going to sitc and that will be my first time but i think i will probably see ore of the performances that trying to meet loads of people.
    You inspired to start my blog,yours was the first one i ever read.


    Fiz xx

  24. Kate

    I think a lot of younger viewers, probably the majority of your fanbase, hopefully will benefit from reading this. I could never imagine being in your position right now. I paused your vlog (right on the digifest part which is apt) to read this. Its really refreshing to see you and Louise and other youtubers address this crazy youtube culture that is exploding lately.

  25. I'm hoping that you can come to summer in the city as this will be my first meet up AMD I've bribed my dad to take me and my 10 year old sister and best chummy to meet you as we are all big fans I go to brighton shops often but never bump into you that fact how I idolise you is that your a normal person but you have a special quality to you that you have anxiety and yet you come to these meet ups AMD try meet as many of us possible! I am going to stop myself crying as I want to look good in photos but when I grow up I will be able to say I looked up to you as a child I seem that security treat you almost to much of a celebrity and really restrict you yet you are exactly like, one of us! It's like you meeting one direction !
    I love you from Zoe xx( my names Zoe hehe)

  26. You're so right ! I'd be like you if I was that famous even if sometimes you might think you're not because you're only an ordinary woman who does videos on Youtube and has a blog ! xx

    Kiss from remainreverie.blogspot.fr

  27. Annie-

    I like the fact that finally Louise and you, now, finally wrote o made a video about this topic.
    The two of you talked about different things but I think they can match together.

    I really like your videos, your friends and brother videos….
    But it's really strange how lots of people cry for you and find you like a hero. You're normal, maybe you helped someone and that's amazing but call you idol, be crazy about it.
    I just don't understand this.

    Anyway, keep doing what you're doing if this make you happy. because at the end of the day that's the thing that matter.

    love, Anna

  28. in the first line it's supposed to say I won't lie, not like* ..sorry should of proof read before.

  29. I do feel as if (from what I see on your vlogs) that the reception at meetups is ridiculous, but I do also think it's kind of special! Youtube is the only 'Fandom' that gets this really and you don't act like celebritys and hide when you go out, you stop and take pictures and talk too us <3 I'm attending my first meet-up in the summer (summer in the city) and maybe when I go I might scream a bit quieter and remember that you are a real person :) So proud of you Zoe you're amazing <3 <3

  30. This is a lovely post. You're an amazing human being, Zoe. :)


  31. This honestly made me cry and I don't really know why! Just that those words you have written are so well thought out and was heartwarming to read! Love you Zoe :) x

  32. This brought tears to my eyes…love watching your videos , keep doing what you're doing and you should be so proud of yourself for challenging yourself and getting to where you are today! :) you deserve it xx

  33. Phoebe

    Brilliant post! It must be incredible for your whole life to change so quickly, and so scary as well! Keep up the good work, you'll always have people who support you, and the ones with the negative comments do not deserve to be heard!



  34. People need to realise meet and greets should not be for screaming but for meeting someone they enjoy watching videos by and asking them tips advice etc :)

  35. I really liked this Zoe. I don't really understand the Youtube culture thing right now either. I'm 17, subscribed to ALOT of youtubers who I really look forward to seeing new uploads from and also follow on Instagram, Twitter etc. but I can't see myself (right now anyway) ever wanting to go to a convention like the ones you've described. If I saw you walking down the street in Brighton I'd be so happy to go over and introduce myself to you! But I wouldn't take it any further. I really hope there aren't girls waiting outside your house and ringing your doorbell. I feel like this 'fan girl' generation don't know a limit – and how could they? We're the first generation to be this close to celebrity figures and it's all down to social media. It's not necessarily a bad thing – I just think it's time boundaries and rules were set in motion to stop girls and paparazzi and online trolls going crazy. On the bright side though Zoe, I'm so glad we have your presence in the world and I hope you'll continue to grace our screens for as long as Youtube stays relevant and maybe even longer! xoxo

  36. Thank you, Zoe! For being you. <3
    You have made it far & it's definitely because you deserve it.
    Love, Emina :)

  37. I sometimes feel bad for some of you (youtubers) because some people don't respect your privacy and come out of your house and stuff like that. I know they are just trying to meet their favorite youtubers but Youtubers are people too and they need privacy. I hope you are ok now Zoe and that your anxiety will fade away with time.

  38. Very well said Zoe <3 all of the talk about YouTube culture going around at the moment has really amde me think. Good job writing this, I can't wait to see what the future holds for you and your channel, you definitely deserve it!

  39. Love this post Zoe, and the reason why I love and enjoy your videos is exactly that – you are a normal girl living an extraordinary life. I can relate to you on many levels and just think that if our paths were to ever cross we would get along and become friends. You make a lot of people happy through your blog posts/vlogs and that is great but always make sure to look after yourself as well :) Keep doing what you are doing, best of luck with everything and I will continue to follow a very friendly, kind and funny normal girl in her overwhelming World.
    Love from a friend in Ireland :) x

  40. This is incredible Zoe and no matter what, we're always here for you (virtually) you're so lucky but you deserve it!♡♡♡

  41. Yay! Someone else going to SITC! :D

  42. Dear Zoe,
    I don't know what it's like to be screamed at and pushed into crowds and having to meet thousands of people in a few days, but I can imagine that it has its' bad sides. However, I can try to give you advice, something to think about when you feel like this. Sure, meet-ups are great, because you get to meet all those people that watch you and like your videos, but they get bigger and bigger every year, and YT is becoming the new television, so if you don't want your life turned into a reality show, I'd suggest pausing with the conventions for a while. I think distancing yourself from the viewers a little bit is important because we get this feeling we know you by watching your videos. When you think about it, it's actually kinda sick, and who knows what this might turn into in a couple of years. Anyway, don't wanna keep this too long, so, I wish you all the best and you should definitely NOT continue JUST making videos, take all the opportunities you want!

  43. Aw Zoe I love how honest and open you are. I hope you enjoy the events planned. We're only human :) you're bound to have down days, don't force your self to do things but i'm so happy that you've been enjoying life by saying yes.
    Thankyou for being inspiring and beautiful xxxx

  44. I would love to meet you!….just not in that environment its kind of crazy :)

  45. well, you are an awesome human being & i honestly look up to you ;) love you! xoxo

  46. This absolutely makes so much sense for me because i,myself, am pretty overwhelmed right now because of all the things that's going on and I'm 14! I can't imagine how you can cope up with all the pressure of the public but I adore your courage and strength to cope up with all of these. I feel like this kind of topic should be noticed by other youtubers and content creators. Zoe, this is quite amazing as this must've taken a lot of courage to write. I would've love to meet you myself but sadly i can't as i've recently developed anxiety and i live in the other side of the world. I just wanted to let you know how much I love your videos and I hope you're doing well :) xx

  47. Zoe you mean the world to me this blog post was amazing my twitter is :@zalfiezoella and ily thanks for making a change in my life ily

  48. regina

    Such a nice post I am 29 years old and I have to admit I love watching your videos and all your friends. You are such a brave young girl so keep doing what you love no matter what. The sky is the limit Zoe and how you reach it is totally up to you. A huge hug from Uzbekistan from a Peruvian viewer :)

  49. This was such an amazing post to read, Zoe. You deserve it! I wish you all the best in the future! Thank you for sharing this with us. xxxxxx

  50. I, myself, suffer from anxiety myself and your video that you posted about this topic back last year really helped me get through a lot of my feelings. I appreciate this post and I hope you can take some time throughout your days to sit back and enjoy it all because you deserve all of the love you receive. I am still trying to tell myself that I should say YES more often and care less about what people think. Next time when I am struggling I will think of you.



  51. wow that is one heartfelt post Zoe, you are an incredible person

  52. Zoe, you are wonderful. I'm so happy for you. You are my inspiration – because of you I started my own blog and YouTube channel. Thanks and keep up great work! :)

  53. ahhh I love you zoe you inspire me sooo much <333

  54. I've never been to a meetup or gotten as famous as you, but I do know the feelings you've expressed. Long long ago I was in a couple of bands, and experienced having groupies and stage fright. It was always so difficult at the start but by the end, like in the song Stage Fright by The Band a.k.a. Big Pink, I wanted to do it all over again. As a blogger my page views are only 152,000 and my total YouTube views a little over 100,000 so I don't know what it's like being as famous as you are. I always realised you were a real person and not just a on-screen YouTube personality I love to watch. It's nice reading about your feelings and experience. Best wishes on enjoying fame and avoiding its drawbacks. You sound like you're handling it very well.


  55. I think it's incredible that even when you go through bad times, you always manage to pick yourself up again. As for me, having both anxiety and panic attacks quite frequently at the moment, I always fell like crawling into my bed and staying there for a week – but then I watch your videos, and first, they make me incredibly happy, but second, I also remember that your life is not always like that and you have your downs too, and if you can get through that, I might be able to do so, too.
    I woul love to meet you one, but as I live in Germany, that is nearly impossible. Even if I never get to do that, you will still be a reason for me to look at the brighter side of things and try new stuff, even if it scares the hell out of me.
    Thank you, Zoe, for how much you improved my life.
    Franzi. x

  56. Your a lovley person and I really enjoy your video's and posts as long as your happy then keep doing what you do. <3 xx

  57. Zoe, you have been so brave! One day, I will meet you in person and give you a great big hug as your videos make me feel so happy!!! I love you so much, never stop! xxxxx

  58. Love this blog post ! I'm from Belgium and i've never been to a convention . And i've I need to say , honest , I will never go to one . Not because I don't want to meet you ( because I really do want that ) It's just that there are so many people and screaming and all that stuff . And I just don't like that . 2 hours waiting for 1 hug . I probably stay home watching you're video's like always ( because tnat's what makes me happy ) love you ( and virtuele hug ! )

  59. Hi Zoe, I am not really sure if you'll read this or not, but I am totally behind you on all of those things and struggles, and I am sure a lot of other girls with me. I, personally, adore you because I know you are just a normal girl, like me. It is amazing to see how you've grown and how you are able to do so much more than you were able to in the past. I am so proud of you and can totally imagine that some things, lots of screaming people, are hard to deal with because you feel overwhelmed. I just hope you know there are lots of girls who sit at home and just adore your vlogs and don't make it their life-goal to meet you or any other youtuber, and are willing to almost die for it. No offense to those people, but I can imagine that they can, in large groups, frighten some people. We just love you because of who you are and how you have grown. We are those people who keep quiet in the background but will always support you! Love from The Netherlands ♥

  60. Good point! I agree with you 100%.

  61. Wow! Well said Zoe. I can understand how difficult the anxiety can be having suffered myself and I know this took a lot of courage for you to post, so for that well done :) I love watching all of your videos and want you to know that you are a true inspiration to me because you push yourself to do things you are uncomfortable with and are yourself which is such a commendable thing to do.
    Thank you from Lauren x

  62. Well said Zoë :)! I would love to meet you one day, but no way that I am one of these people who will stand in a queue for 4 hours to get an autograph..as I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks as well that won't be a good idea :). In one week I will be moving to London for three months (and I think I will visit Brighton too, it looks so pretty in all your videos!) and maybe maybe I will run into you someday. Or maybe (probably ;)) not, and that is okay too! I just love your videos and think you are an amazing person :)!


  63. I loved this blog post, to know a little tiny bit more of what is going on in your head.
    And I just wanted to say ever since you tweeted the quote "those who mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind" I have been repeating that to myself every single day and I feel like it help, thank you so much for helping me see that and repeating it in this post as a reminder, it's something I still struggle with everyday but, watching your videos and reading your blog has absolutely helped me in the most positive way, thank you Zoe!

  64. You are so special Zoe! :) It's sad how out of hand these meet and greets have become for you and other YouTube vloggers, and viewers too. Safety really is a priority for everyone. Can't wait for what the future holds, sounds like some really exciting things are coming soon! Loved reading this, we have to sometimes remind ourselves and others that we are all human beings with feelings and emotions and that we are just like everyone else. xox Hugs from Canada :)

  65. I'm overwhelmed with having 600 subscribers! I can't imagine what it is like to have 4.5million

  66. I love how you and other Youtubers have been talking about this issue recently, it is absolutely crazy how you have all come from sitting in your bedroom talking to a camera and now you have so many people who would do so much to meet you. Like you said, this wasn't expected and all you can try and do is sit back and enjoy it. You should be so so proud of your achievements, and up there at the top is your attempt to battle against your anxiety and say yes to more things! Thank you for posting this, it's kind of comforting to know that you realise how crazy (in a good way) things have gotten. It is such a shame about your meet ups getting a little out of hand but hopefully you and the others can work together to make it easier for your viewers.


  67. We will support you through everything Zoe, I'm so happy you've done this and that you feel you can tell us this.I know it must be very daunting but you're all doing so well and I genuinely feel so proud of you. Keep doing exactly what you're doing, little steps at a time, your doing amazing x

  68. Leah

    Congratulations on all your achievements Zoe!! We will always support you through everything!! I love you Zoe!! xxx

  69. So proud of you, keep making videos you are fabulous xx :)

  70. You're so humble Zoe & I think that's one of the things I appreciate most about you. It does seem, from someone on the outside looking in (so to speak), that 'YouTube Culture' & the whole 'YouTube Celebrity' thing has sort of snowballed into something quite unbelievable and really kinda crazy! I don't think I'll personally ever understand it, and to some extent I feel sad for a lot of you that have your lives criticised and intruded on to the extent that people are knocking on your door (I'm sure with the sweetest intention, but still…). I just worry for the time when something goes very wrong. Anyway, I think this post is wonderful & I hope it made you feel better in a way just by getting it off your chest.

    Sam xx

  71. This was an amazing blog post and I hope that many more will find time to read it. I'm sure that once they have read it they will understand all of you in a different and better way! You are truly an inspiration! Lots of love x

  72. i love you Zoe, this makes me feel so so much better because youre sort of going through the same thing as me just on a much much larger scale, the fact that youre going through all of this for everyone else its amazing zoe, you typing this made me feel a lot less alone because I can sort of see that my anxiety isn't going to hold me back in the future, youre so strong Zoe and without your advice. Keep up whatever your doing, and don't feel bad if you don't meet everyone because they know how you feel and they know that you would do anything to spend longer with them, we all understand Zoe its fine
    just keep strong and I lobe you a lot
    sorry my English is terrible and it probably didn't make sense but anyway, lots of love Amy xxx

  73. Posts like these are so great, because I think that far too often, we all forget that the people we see and look up to on YouTube ARE just normal people. The definitions of "celebrity" may vary, but it's important to remember that not everyone knows how to deal with all of the attention they're getting, and so, it's great to hear your opinion :)


  74. This made me tear up, I myself have trouble with anxiety & overthinking. Seeing someone with the same problem and being so successful is truly a massive inspiration. Thanks for sharing this blog post with us, Zoe :)

  75. It's only natural to feel that way I guess haha, I've been watching your videos since the beginning and I just feel so proud of everything you've done! You deserve everything you've achieved cause you worked so hard for it Zoe :)

    I wish I could be able to meet all you guys but I'd rather just bump into you randomly and actually speak to you calmly instead of a meet and greet (although neither could ever happen cause I live in Malta which seems to be unknown by the rest of the world)

  76. I feel like the celebrity situation of the Youtuber must be very confusing for those put in that position, I'm glad many youtuber's have come out recently to open up this conversation & bridge the gap. I think I had my first kind of 'what the…' experience when I went to a Beauty Crush meet up. I wouldn't say I'm a huge fan of hers (though she is lovely and was so, SO nice and sweet at her meet up!) but I watch her videos & saw the info about her Melbourne meetup via Twitter and thought, well why not go along? Why not see what it's all about. I left with an instagram and a kind of confused smile because I thought 'I've just waited in line for an hour and a half for a three-second chat…I'm not sure what I wanted out of that meet up' (I just want to make it DOUBLY clear that I'm not being mean about Samantha, I'm just STILL confused about YT culture) I spent most of my time waiting in line thinking, I make videos, I watch videos, but why am I HERE at this meet up? Why am I hanging out in the Body Shop for a photo? What is this about?

    I found the experience as a whole so strange, so I can't imagine what it was like for the channel owner of Beauty Crush standing there with all these girls wanting to meet her. I'm sure she felt lucky, but it MUST have been overwhelming. And I feel like it must be so strange for any 'big' youtuber facing these meet-ups, perhaps the biggest thing is the question of what content a youtuber can deliver in a meet-up situation where it all ends up being a line-up for a photo. I think people attend these and don't know what's going to happen. It sounds a little odd, but I feel like meet-ups with a bit more structure behind them might be beneficial for all, it might also really help to induce a calmer situation for everyone involved, but beats me if I'd know what that 'structure' could be as I've only just gotten into Youtube over the last two or so years.

    :) I enjoyed this post, thanks for writing it Zoe. I think one of the best things Youtube has on it's side where this subject is concerned is that it is SO interactive and there's SO much ability between content creators and viewers to bridge the gap.


  77. Carnt believe i actually managed to read it Ll for starters but honestly thats heart warming, yes i carnt deny and i would be one of the girls dying just to get a hug from you! But thats for the inspiration you give to me and others, i dont have anxiety, so im not 100% sure of what it is and how you feel but readinf this has gave me an idea, im a shy/quiet girl which is not very social as i find it hard and tend to cry when around new people, puttinf that to a side, watching your say yes video helped me a lot into new things and a new lifestyle, i understand saying iloveyou and your an inspiration ect is something most youtubers dont like but honestly it is the truth, i may not know you as your just a youtuber but whenever im in need of a cry or a friend i watch your videos and it helps me! That may sound pathetic but im on youtube every night and always refreshing for a new video! :) well that must of took yoy a lot of effort and courage to tell us how you feel, hopefully you manage to read this :) p.s please dont ever give up and id love to see you in manchester :*

  78. Wow this must have been really hard for you to write and publish, it's great how brave you are! :) Just wanted to say how much I love watching your videos and reading your blog posts. Good luck with all the things you've got coming up in the future! :) Xx

  79. I absolutely loved this post! I've been watching your videos for quite a long time now and I never got tired of it. You just make me smile with every single video/post. I feel kinda proud because it feels like I've known you for a few years and I basically just sit behind my screen and I'm watching you growing bigger and bigger. I was soo lucky that I met you last year in Paris! I don't think that you remember me but I can remember the day like it's yesterday(cheesy but true haha), I couldn't force myself to talk to you because I was so shy but my brother asked you if we could get a picture and I just couldn't believe that I met you in person. After I walked out of the MAC store I literally cried because I was just so insanely happy that I met you but I regret that I didn't hug you or even chatted with you. You're such an inspiration and you're one of the main reasons I started a blog! I don't know what else to say. I hope you'll read this and remember me, probably not but that's okay because you'll always be one of my favourite persons. I love you and you deserve everything good that happend to you and what will happen! Hope you're having a lovely day ♥

  80. This is great Zoe, you handle everything so well, your an inspiration and your videos put a smile on my face, thank you xxx

  81. Jonny

    Hi Zoe,
    This may be weird coming from a boy but I can feel your feelings in the anxiety sense. I have anxiety and agoraphobia so challenging myself is really difficult. I'm determined to get outside by summer as I have been confined to my house for the last 2 months, relying on my mum to do everything.
    I can sense the anxiety and phobias in the videos where other people wouldn't as one of the things that started it for me was my phobia of sickness. Every little detail reminds me of 1 bad ocassion and will cause panic etc.
    Seeing your progress is inspiring and I hope I can get out of this way of life. Until then I'll carry on watching my favourite youtubers and getting inspiration off you all

  82. Love you so much Zoe! I wish I could have the chance to meet you, you're the reason my panic attacks have been so much less frequent and I have been more likely to face my fears. You are my inspiration and I love you :')

    Sarah x

  83. this is really lovely! how you put it and we all love you, well we love the zoe who makes us laugh and feel happy, who inspires us. of course you are human just like us and we all have a private life. i would feel exactly the same if i was in your position! xx

  84. Thank you for sharing this with us! I have severe anxiety as well so I can definitely empathize with what you're going through– I get anxious at SMALL parties when I'm the center of attention so I can only imagine what it's like with 5000 people screaming at you. Good on you for going out there and doing what you can to say hi to your fans and meet them, even though it's difficult for you, just never forget to make your comfort and safety a priority. Your viewers understand! :)

  85. I feel for you. I know that when I meet people, much more famous than you, I like to just talk to them like they are just normal. I think it is odd when people freak out. I'd love to meet you sometime, but don't think I'd want to be involved with the craziness. Hopefully we can figure out a better way to do it, and security can become more friendly.

  86. I have so much tu say but I also can't speak. I'm shy. I am shy and I always protect myselfe from everything. That's not always good. I missed a lot of fun. One day I was so stressful that I lost a friend. I look at my life back and I see one thing. I make history. My history. I sometimes don't get why people see me as someone… perfect? They're wrong – I made many mistakes, I'm not perfectly pretty. I try to accept who I am. Me – with all bad things. You sometimes make me feel suprised – about little things! Maybe little things make us who we are. I wish Zoe you will deal with all your problems. You helped me. With your "Say yes" video I just feel like I can try new things. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S THE POINT OF THAT COMMENT. If anyone is reading this I just want to thank you. Your the best. Just because you are.

  87. Love you Zoe, you've come so far and I'm really proud! ❤


  88. From my "viewer" perspective, it all sunk in at this year's Playlist Live. I knew many YouTubers had a large following but I NEVER imagined things could get to the point where the environment became unsafe not only for you guys but for fans as well. Everything was so out of hand and crazy and I just couldn't wrap my head around why people feel the need to act the way they do at these events. I'm not going to go into detail but I can honestly say that my experience was so unpleasant I don't think I will ever attend an event like that again, sadly. The only time I got to see you was on the last day as I was walking out of the hotel to put my bags in the car, I was so stressed and afraid of security that all I was able to say was "hi Zoe!" as I walked by you. The way everyone was being treated at Playlist was so upsetting to me. I know you guys are all normal people who go back to their regular lives after event like those are over just like the rest of us, but the divide between YouTubers and viewers at these events is so big that it's almost not even worth it (at least for me personally) to attend anymore. I know that a lot of the fault falls on people's lack of self control but it still makes me sad. I just hope that one day there could be a happy medium so both YouTubers and fans have an equally pleasant experience. Thank you so much for posting about this because I feel like it's a topic that definitely needs to be addressed more often.

  89. I know it must be hard to write this (it would be for me at least). I suffer from anxiety too and I can imagine how overwhelming all of that can be for someone who suffers anxiety and also for someone who doesn't. Also I'm so happy that you all care so much about about us viewers/readers and it's so amazing :') You all inspire and help me everyday and as much as I want to meet you all I don't know if that will ever be possible because I'm from Spain but I won't lose hope.
    And yes, I had a little tear while reading this but thank you for writing it xx

  90. You are truly amazing zoe. Really you are. You have overcome and said yes to so many things it must be difficult to take a step back once in a while a realise how much your life has changed. All i know from this side of the internet is that you are an inspiration to many and have been entertaining me with your hauls and funny business for atleast two years now and i wouldn't want it any other way. You have also helped me to take big steps into what i want to do with my life. I hope to meet you one day for a hug. Stay beautiful :) love Beth

  91. I love you Zoe. I wish I could meet you somewhere, but that's probably never gonna happen, but I love your videos, and I'm very proud of you :) Greetings from the Czech Republic :)

  92. Marina

    Firstly, well done for writing such an authentic and honest post. It can't be easy essentially bearing your feelings like that. What you said about having a broad audience resonated with me. I am the same age as you, and have felt over the last few years a lot older than your general demographic, and it has been difficult for me to wrap my head around teen culture nowadays. When we were teens, we had celebrity idols, but we could only access them in magazines, on Top of the Pops, or if we were lucky at a concert. There was a big distance between us and them. YouTube is weird, because you are essentially normal people, and not celebrities. But that doesn't mean your viewers are your friends either. It must be a weird situation to be in; questioning how much access to your lives you give your viewers, or how many boundaries have to be in place. I think finding new ways to do meet ups for those who want to meet you is a good idea. Maybe some sort of ticketed event with a cap on numbers. Something where you can sit and talk and spend more time with each person.

  93. Beutifully written. You're just a normal person like us and we should think about that. Really honest that you wrote this. You're really inspiring. You have the same problems like us and I am really excited for what's comming up ^^

  94. You are totally right. I was at itatube and I was so surprised myself because I would never thought that there would be such a big screaming crowd. It's incredibly how your and others youtuber's video can bring so many people from different places together. And that's scaring, it's good but still scaring and I can understand how do you feel about all this 'fame' because it's just so overwhelming. Watching a youtuber grow talking about subscribers it's nice because you are happy that they are making other people happy, but it's also kinda sad because you know that you will have half of the possibilities to meet them or just let them know how they changed your life. Youtube is a new thing and nobody knows how will this thing will end up, because it has to end someday somehow. But as long as I can enjoy watching people sharing their thoughts in front of a camera, as long as I can smile because of a video, I will be here supporting youtubers. And last Zoe it's normal to have ups and downs and true fans will understand it, you don't need to worry because, at least, you will have me ahaha

  95. Its so nice reading this from you, wich is actually how i thought of you! You're amazing zoe! Sorry for my english, keep it up, greetings from Argentina!

  96. Omg Zoe, this post made me cry:') You're so incredibly amazing<3 I'm so so proud of you, I have been watching and supporting you since you strarted your yt channel! I love you so so SO much, you're such a big inspiration to me and I just want to say a big THANK YOU to helping me about everything! It's crazy how many people watching you now and obsessed with you:) And I'm really happy about it, you deserve all of it! I love how you're beeing so honest with us<3 I hope you will keep doing these things(yt,the blog etc.) forever because I love watching you and reading your posts! It's just make me so happy:) And hopefully one day I'll meet with you:) You're amazing and we will be here for you, supporting and love you forever!:) We love you<3 Okay I could go on and on and write things but for now that's all.. I kind of wanted to write a long story short type of comment:D I just want to write so many more things haha:) Lots of love and greetings from Hungary! Xxx

  97. I love you Zoe do what makes you happyxxxx

  98. Zoe, this is so beautifully written:) in the end little bit of tears came out. I dont know why. Maybe because u are my role model and i understand your feelings. And thats why i am happy that i am not that crazy fan who would spent hours standing on front of your flat or even knocking at your door. I am that fan/viewer who just enjoy watching your videos and watching u growing up as a big personality:) I believe i will meet u once even though i live in Slovakia:)But dreams are dreams and it is important to follow them:) Lots of love:) PS: Sorry, I am not that good in english:)

  99. isapf

    Wow, Zoe!
    Now, that's one long post – watching your videos is amazing and sometimes even saves my day and I love how you try to get over some people who don't approve with your opinion or the way you handle things!
    Even though I don't have the slightest idea about blogging and vlogging myself, I felt overwhelmed and intimidated watching all those fans screaming and waving at you and other youtubers and I admire how you all cope with it and try to present yourself in the best way possible. Nonetheless, I'm also sure that all those people are able to understand what you think and feel in those moments and hopefully things will never get out of control (like REALLY out of control, your digifest vlog seemed as it was just about to happen ..) .. not sure if that mad any sense, but:
    I really like your vlogs/blogs/tutorials and stuff and I appreciate how you accentuate that you are just the girl next door and that you yourself are still able to appreciate what is happening to your life thanks to your viewers AND your own talent and creativity. Stay strong but also able to know when it's time to step back for a moment and get a break. You won't loose real fans/friends just because they don't see vlogs or read blogs for a few days/weeks or you don't attend the one or other convention.
    Big love from Germany xxx

  100. Kim

    Yes, it's just crazy. I've been talking about it a lot with my little brother, who also loves YouTube. Isn't it weird that there are huge events for YouTubers? Not weird in a negative way, but in the most positive way. When I was a lot younger the YouTuber thingy wasn't even a thing. People thought it was weird to post video's of yourself on YouTube. And look at it now.. Woah.

    And the fact there are people waiting outside your house.. I wish I could talk to them personal, or not.. IT MAKES ME SO MAD! I hope they'll open their eyes after reading this, cause it's NOT normal.

    And Zoe, I just have to say how proud I am of you. It feels so weird to say it, cause you are a few years older than me, You're not a family member, we're not friends, you don't even know me. But still, I'm SO proud of you. The way you're dealing with everything.. I suffer from anxiety and even though I'm trying to say yes to more things, I find it SO hard. If I were in your shoes, I would be so proud of myself. Cause I know how hard it is. And it almost makes me cry, just because I couldn't be more proud.. I just can't explain it. You're a wonderful person and your beautiful. And your beauty is SO much more than just your face and your make-up. Your personality is also a beautiful thing. Be proud of that. <3 I love you!

    XX Kim

  101. i've never been to any of your conventions, but i love watching your videos and reading your vlogs. keep it up as long as its fun for you and what you want to do. try not to worry too much about what the haters say, and just think about the amazing friends you've made and the opportunities you've had because of this! <3

  102. You've come a long way and you should be proud! I think you're so brave to be doing all the things you're doing. I'm excited to see what you have coming up this year :) Thanks for all your fabulous videos, they make my day!

  103. Great post Zoe, I'm glad that you and Louise are the first YouTubers to draw attention to what must be a huge problem within the YT Community. I'm sure it's something that all Creators have to deal with but that doesn't necessarily mean that a better solution can't be reached.

    I explored this topic in relation to Louises video and the various responses to 'YouTube Culture' on my own blog – http://omgilleechi.com/youtube-culture-has-fame-ruined-youtube/

  104. This was so refreshing to read. All I can say is embrace your new life Zoe, you have millions of supporters that will back you up no matter what so venture out into the unknown! Isn't that how this all started anyways?
    Sending lots of love to you!


  105. I love this. I think its really important for you guys to talk about this and express your feelings about the situation. I have extremely bad anxiety it started in December, bad enough for me to decide not to go to prom or my graduation ceremony and bad enough today for me to stay home from school. I know im missing out on so much and that i should say yes more often, but there are a lot of other health issues that come with my anxiety. I can barely eat anything because i wont be able to digest it properly, i get nauseated and really bad stomach aches in the morning. I have a panic attack every day in the morning at school. Its SO exhausting. Whenever i hear youtubers talk about this subject I understand it completely. I just imagine what it must feel like and i already start to feel queasy. I especially feel this way when its you who talks about it Zoe, because I know that you have a hard time with anxiety as well. I just wanted to say that your a really great example for me when it comes to dealing with anxiety and pressure and that i really appreciate your blog posts and videos about it. I feel like at school everyone, even the teachers, think im over exaggerating and no matter how much i try to explain they just dont understand. Even my mom doesnt understand completely. It feels comforting to know that there are people who get it, who understands and who doesnt judge anybody for it, and who are going through the same thing. Thank you so much zoe <3

  106. I guess vlogging is like writing a diary, you only hear the good parts, but you have to remember not everyday starts with 'dear diary'. People like Zoe and other youtubers are just ordinary people who picked up a camera and made a job from it. They have all probably been through just the same things as you and maybe one day you could be living the dream in the future. The fact that 'ordinary' people can be a role model to so many viewers all across the word is really inspiring and personally I would much rather a youtube celebrity role model than an airbrushed one from the front of a magazine. But youtubers are still humans and I think sometimes we forget that.

  107. B

    I entirely agree with you, Zoe. Growing up in Portugal and being a YouTuber myself, I had fantasies of how amazing it would be to be in the UK and go to a convention or a meet and greet. After being to several, I've decided that I don't want to go anymore.

    I think the fact that I'm a little bit older than the average demographic, and also the fact that I've been making YouTube videos since 2009 have put me in a position where people like you and Louise and Tanya are girls just like me, with a bigger audience. I've been watching you guys for years, and frankly you feel like friends to me above anything else. The fact that you're friends who don't know me is just a part of it. At SITC last year, I refused to queue up to see anybody (Emma Blackery in particular) because it just felt odd that I was in a place where I was having to queue up for hours to hug and get a picture in 10 seconds with somebody that I've spoken to before and see as a friend, even if they don't know me as well and don't see me in the same way.

    People tend to forget that behind a YouTube video and a What's In My Bag is a girl just like them who has an actual life and actual feelings, and that a scripted and edited 15 minute long video about lipsticks isn't that YouTuber's whole life and entire personality. It's almost like they make you guys surreal, like a character in a book… somebody unattainable that they need to scream at in order to maybe get their attention for a couple of seconds.

    I don't envy you. I can only imagine the pressure that comes with all the great things about having an audience. I had my first "meet and greet" last summer, and it was the best thing ever to just sit around with 10-20 people and have a good group chat. I'd miss that. Although I see the value of a larger audience (much larger in your case), I can't even begin to think of what it would be like to be treated like a celebrity and have your privacy breached every single day multiple times.

    Just my two cents on the matter. I'd like to meet you, properly. Not at a meet and greet or a convention. I can't bring myself to queue up for people I see as friends.

    Bianca xxx


  108. i completely understand what you mean. nearly 5 million subbies? that's crazy. thats more than the entire population of ireland…more than an entire country! sorry to scare you haha:) ive been watching your videos since september 2012, and you have become so much more happier over time- you look more cheery, more positive, just overall happy and you've become the darling of youtube- at least to all your viewers:) youtube isnt what it used to be anymore- its so much less personal. i have met a few less popular bloggers and youtubers and its so cool, they appreciate it so much when you meet them, and they even retweet your tweets, and well, it feels like youre actually friends with them. i know you used to do that too- but you cant really do it to 1.5m followers anymore. i feel like a lot of youtubers are like celebrities, met by crowds of screaming people, getting recognized in the streets, up to their necks in views, tweets, emails…
    its so refreshing to watch your videos, and i hope one day i can meet you and give you a hug, you have been an inspiration for me to start my own blog and hopefully youtube soon. stay gold and stay real zoe, its our favourite quality about you :)

  109. I am super glad you did this post. I only found you 8 months ago but that doesn't matter, I kinda take you as a friend and not at all a celebrity! Love you Zoe. You are always there!

  110. Laila

    Incredible text! I'm really glad that you once decided to start making YouTube videos (and also to blog of course). I love watching your videos, reading your blog and it always makes my day! I also totally get what you said about conventions. And I'm going to be honest with you now: Of course I'd love to meet you but not at one of those conventions. I'd rather have a nice little chat and so on. But I would never enforce this. (e.g. I'd never go to your house and ring for hours. Eventually I respect your privacy and I can imagine how weird it must be when, ..not strangers but people you don't personally know try everything to see you). If I'd get to meet you radnomly on the streets I'd be the luckiest girl but if not I'm still happy because I can watch your videos and that's the only thing needed to make me happy!
    Thank you for your honesty and care! You're definitely one of the loveliest people I'll ever know.
    As long as you're happy with what you're doing, I'm happy and I will always respect your thoughts!
    Lots of Love <3 Laila

  111. Love you and this blog post! Waiting outside your door is wrong and I am so sorry that you sometimes feep anxious, remember: if you ever feel anxious during a convention we will all understand if you need to take a breath. Hope to meet you soon Love Hannah xx

  112. This honestly is amazing the points of view you bring across is strong and valued by me and by other fans aswell. I hope you read this and cherish all the amazing things people say about you . You are amazing and dont forget it. The bravery to post videos and your thoughts for everyone to see is something alot of people lack. I truely envy u and your passion. I hope someday you will respond and read what I have had to say. Xxxx cant wait to read more blog posts and watch more videos. X

  113. I feel like the 'youtuber world' has exploded recently and think that it is absolutely crazy that people are screaming you. But at the end of the day that is just what happens when someone becomes 'popular' or 'famous'. Fan girls are scary, I'm not going to lie, if I was you I would be petrified by them! It is also very scary how people just suddenly know everything about you, without you knowing them. You should be so proud of yourself for getting to have so many subscribers and followers, and not worry about how you come across to subscribers. Enjoy your job and don't get too caught up into this new crazy social media life!

    Lily x

  114. So lovely to read this. You're so humble Zoe, I've read your blog for years now and you have inspired me so much xx


  115. I really think this is a amazing post Zoe! For real <3 You´re such an amazing and inspiring person, and we all know that not everything and not everyday is a great day for you :) We are always going to be here with you and FOR you <3

  116. Haley

    I love this post. I've actually been thinking about "celebrity" and how interesting it is that the world has come to hero-worship entertainers. Don't get me wrong, I love movies, music, YouTube channels – but what does it mean that so many young people idolize all of those people? These (usually) aren't people who made a decision to enter a public discourse about role models and all of the issues facing young people today. I appreciate your bravery and candor, and I love watching your videos, but I often wonder how it affects a YouTuber's quality of life when they are bombarded by people on an almost daily basis. I'm sure there are amazing experiences as well, but what a compromise! Thank you for sharing so much of your life with us viewers and readers, and for making your videos and blog such fun experiences. I hope you never feel like you aren't sharing enough, or aren't sharing the type of content you "should." Like you said, you are a normal girl who happens to be on an extraordinary journey – and you are doing wonderfully. I find YouTube culture fascinating – and, like you, I'm interested to see where this all goes! xxx

  117. This honestly is amazing the points of view you bring across is strong and valued by me and by other fans aswell. I hope you read this and cherish all the amazing things people say about you . You are amazing and dont forget it. The bravery to post videos and your thoughts for everyone to see is something alot of people lack. I truely envy u and your passion. I hope someday you will respond and read what I have had to say. Xxxx cant wait to read more blog posts and watch more videos. X

  118. Beautiful Text! it is really amazing what you have achieved now! Really! You are a lucky girl! :)

    –> hiensart.blogspot.com

  119. Love this post so much Zoe. Personally, I am subscribed to LOADS of youtubers (mostly british!) and follow everyone on twitter/instagram etc and I'm always so excited to see new uploads in my subscription box but I could never see myself screaming hysterically if I ever was lucky to meet one of them. I truly don't understand today's society how someone (why is it also normally teenage girls?!) can be so obsessed over a youtuber or celebrity when they have never even met them before and despite what they might believe, hardly know them. The reason why I love you Zoe is because you are just 'an ordinary girl in an overwhelming world' and you have helped me in more ways then I think I have realised as you have taught me (along with Tanya, Louise and Alfie etc) that it's ok not to be liked by all the boys and have body issues. Overall, if I ever got to meet the chance to meet one of you I'd hope it would be randomly in public where I could have a proper chat! Love you so much Zoe and I hope you carry on making amazing videos. xxxxx

  120. I've been with you since you first started making youtube videos and found your blog from there. I remember a nervous girl in front of the camera doing primark hauls and believe me when I say this — I can still see that girl in your videos now to an extent. It makes me remember the Zoe that made me feel confident in wearing what ever I like interms of fashion and make-up. Its been amazing to watch you grow up and in turn reminds me where I was 4 years ago.
    I'd love the opportunity to meet you one day, but perhaps not at one of the big conventions. I have never been to one but from watching everyone's vlogs for the past few years I can see that they have gotten very crowded and busy. Its not what I want – and frankly it looks rather unappealing to meet my favourite youtubers that way.

    Thanks so much for everything Zoe, you've helped me more than you know.

    -Shannon, 21, Canada

  121. Its so lovely reading that you are shocked with yourself how far you have come! There are some people that just expect life to come at them and they accept it, and live that way! I think we should all work hard for the opputunities we get! I would love to achieve so much in my life that I am shocked as well. Trying to say ''yes'' to more things is my aim over the next couple of years which was inspired my Zoe! Zoe isn't my idol because she sits and talks to herself in the mirror, Zoe is my idol because she has achieved a lot by making herself happy. Surely that has to be everybodys goal! It sure is mine.

    If you would like to start following me on Blogger, then feel free! I recentley posted about 'My Favourite Place' which is Brighton!

    :-) xx

  122. I think you are the online best friend to so many people around the world because you are so down to earth and normal, rather than being an aspiring celebrity who is seeking fame and fortune. I have always respected how positive you are with regards to your anxiety – which I know all too well can completely overwhelm and overtake your life. It’s oh so easy to hide yourself away in your room – and I do this lots, but with so many amazing opportunities to face, it’s so lovely to see you take them in your stride.

    Everyone has to have little breathers occasionally, and it’s something that other people (no matter how big of a fan they are) should respect, but ultimately – as a blogger myself, it has been inspiring to watch your fan base grow and to see just how much influence one blogger can have on the world! I have been following your blog since it started, and I have always loved your witty, chatty way of writing – something which eventually translated into your videos in the way I’d imagined you chatting about what you’d written (if that makes any sense). I remember meeting you several years back in a lift on the way to a Glam Media event, I so badly wanted to animatedly express how much I loved and read your blog – but instead I squeaked something about being lost, because I was so nervous! Obviously I wish now I’d just said something of substance rather than a comment that really wasn’t true (since I’d managed to find my way into the lift) however it has been really inspirational to watch your journey – and I’m sure bigger and better things are always on the horizon.

    Sorry for the long, ‘soppy’ comment – but this post is very poignant, so I thought I’d leave a little response.

    Love Scarlett x

  123. This post is amazing Zoe and a little teary! People often forget that you are real people too and neglect that when trying to meet you guys. This post really clears that up for people and shows that you do have feelings and worries like the rest of us! You are really strong to write this and I admire you a lot! Keep going because I love what you do xx


  124. Dima

    You go girl! :)

  125. I am glad more you tubers are talking about this :) Youtube culture has grown massively in a short amount of time! I think we, as viewers, have forgotten that the people making the content are still the SAME people as they were when youtube all started. If I am honest I don't think I could manage going to a meet up or youtube conventions anymore because I myself suffer from anxiety and panic attacks but being able to meet the people that inspire me so much would be a dream! Its hard because there are a lot of things that I stop myself doing because I am scared, (i.e. making my own youtube videos) and seeing the footage from digifest shocked me a lot! It's crazy to me. I admire you a lot and your are a role model for me, touching on what Louise said in her video, I don't think its bad for us to see you as role models. You can never know everything about your role model but the purpose of one is to help you figure out what type of person you want to be. I wish you the very best in the future. You are very deserving for what ever new journey you take on in your life. You have put a smile on so many of your faces, for that I thank you xx

  126. Kelly

    Great honest post Zoe. I've been subscribed and following your blog since 2009 and it's great to see everything you have achieved. I started my blog about the same time as you, so I feel some connection and like a proud mama xx
    Kelly's Journal

  127. I honestly just like watching ur videos. I dont go to these events…. I dont ship anyone or even understand. It's like….no. And i feel bad for you because to me its weird. But in my opinion sometimes i fell like this attitude is in encouraged in a way not a lot just by shipping and stuff because it gets younger viewers, excited? I dont know haha just my opinion, only a tiny bit. Zoe your video's are great so dont feel any pressure. Just carry on what you love doing. We're not all crazy i promise haha. To me, your just normal-SERIOUSLY. I value your opinion because you've been through more than me in life but I dont intend on going to these events or screaming at you. LOL. It's like loving murder…nice but scary. All I can say to you, is this doctor who quote i live by: Your Journey has molded you for the greater good. It's exactly what it needed to be. Don't think you've lost time. It took every situation you have encountered to bring you where you are now. And now is the right time.' It will get better and you're learn how to deal with these people and 'new world' in your own way. Just remember we don't all float in the same boat….Is that even the saying? . xxxxx

  128. Such a lovely post Zoe, seriously I loved this and I love that it is now being addressed by everyone. I have been at Itatube a few weekends ago and it has been the most overwhelming thing ever.

    Granted I might have had high expectations, but it was very slow to stand in the queues (if that's what those were called) we're talking 3.5 hours and then a 30 second meet with you guys which seemed so rushed. I know that is most definitely not your fault, as there is just such a big mass of people and you do wanna meet everyone (which is very admirable, as it seems very exhausting), I just wished there would have been a bit more time, because meeting your favorite Youtuber is partly also wanting to meet the person you see in their videos and that personality just doesn't get to shine at meet ups like Itatube, Vidcon or Playlist.

    That being said, I am also very glad that you have mentioned the security at those events and I can just write from my experience at Itatube and honestly? It was terrible. While queuing people were pushing from all different angles and I just couldn't move and all security said was that they shouldn't push from the back. I'm have never had a panic attack in my life, but right then I was pretty darn close to it. Security was rude and very condescending, almost making fun of everyone, which in my opinion is very unprofessional.

    And I must say, when I first heard that you were not feeling well on Sunday of Itatube, I felt really bad and hoped that all of the craziness hasn't lead to an anxiety attack, because I felt sorry for all the Youtubers that came and it was just absolutely mental and suddenly all those subscribers and video view numbers started to scare me, because this was just a very small fraction of it. I can't even imagine how it must have felt being all of you up there on the stage.

    I made a video (my first one :)) on this subject as a video response to Louise's video, so if you have time and want to check it out, here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gsk8EVIyrc

    Now that was quite a long comment, wasn't it? Having said all of this, you are a wonderful, beautiful and very inspiring person to all of us and I hope that all the craziness only makes you stronger :)

    Have a great evening, Zoe and I love you xx

  129. It feels quite surreal whenever I see you on my youtube homepage with over 4 and a half million subscribers and collaborating with so many youtubers because you'll always be schoee to me :) I remember discovering your blog and the first post I read was your Lush Boxing Day Haul in 2009! The fact that you have came this far and have achieved so many amazing things is such an inspiration! I'm glad you and other Youtubers are addressing this whole Youtuber Celebrity Culture thing because like others, I'll never really understand why people would go to such extreme lengths but I guess they want to meet you because you've had such a positive impact on so many people's lives. I wish I could've went to a bloggers meet up or something similar and met you because I think the conventions are getting a tad crazy now and security don't seem to care which sucks :( But it's great that you've shared your views regarding this whole thing and that you care about your viewers/readers :)

  130. zoe elizabeth sugg thank you thank you thank you for those honest words. really glad youtubers like yourself and louise are being brave enough to touch upon these sensitive topics. you have every right to express how you feel and your screaming fangirls hopefully will take into account that you're just as human as them and love you just as much without the noise pollution. thank you for being the zoe we all have inside of us.
    much love, jamila.

  131. im so so proud of you zoe <3

  132. Esther

    I love watching your videos but have never been to a meetup or any other 'celebrity' things like concerts. Most of the time I just think they are normal people and I have trouble meeting new people as I am quite shy so what would I say? I can see how you would get overwhelmed by something you started as a hobby but am glad you did as you have inspired me to live life to the full and not to turn down an opportunity even when im not sure how it will go. I hope you can adjust to what is happening with the meetup and things getting a bit crazy :) but will still continue to love and watch you on youtube as you always cheer up my day so thanks. :) xx

  133. Loved reading this ♥I never been to a meet up, but I know the feelings you've expressed. You really inspired me and because of you I recently started my own blog. I have gone through some bad times, but your videos always make me incredibly happy. I think (and I know I'm not the only one) that you really deserve this! ♥

  134. This was such a touching post Zoe! It would be awesome if some of you guys check out my blog too, I work really hard on the posts and it would mean a lot if you guys can check it out :)

  135. You are wonderful, Zoe. I met you at DigiTour in Chicago this past October. Yes, the security were a bit overwhelming, but you were so kind to me. In the midst of craziness, our interaction seemed the most genuine and thankful. So, thank you for that. I can only imagine how overwhelming some things in your life must be right now, but I want you to know that I think you do a terrific job with being honest and open to your viewers. I know that so many people look up to you, but I just see you as a sweet young lady who likes to make people happy doing what she loves.. and that's awesome. Keep being you Zoe, because you're a gem! Sending you virtual hugs! xo

  136. Dear Zoe, it's weird, but when I'm reading this I feel you could be one of my friends. And I'm sure a lot of other girls will have the same feeling of wanting to talk with you. A year ago, I had a lot of problems and I really hated my studies. I felt really bad all the time and I was scared I would never find a job I liked. I felt like there wasn't a job for me at all. Untill I discovered you and the other youtubers, and how you could change your live, and because you're so human, I could find the courage again. I stopped my studies and now I'm doing the things I want to do.
    Because you and the others inspired me, I always feel like I want to talk with you and meet you. I hope we will some day, and I promise you: I won't be screaming. ;)

  137. Dear Zoe, you just broached a topic that should be considered by many people. We love our celebrities and/or youtubers, but at the same time we're ruining their lives… People being mugged by fans or followed by photographers, it honestly breaks my heart. But I do hope you realise that we (as fans) mean no harm. Picture yourself as you were about to get the chance to meet your rolemodel in real life… you would to anything to reach them, talk to them, make them notice you and so on. I sincerely admire you Zoe, because you dare to open up to us about what's on your chest. Same thing with the Zalfie-incident, you handled it so well. I think I can speak for all your subscribers when I say that we really appreciate your communication with your fanbase. Not only does it take a weight of your shoulders, but it gives us the opportunity to comprehend what's wrong and what we should or could do differently as fans.
    I would like to finish this by telling you that I, and every single one of us, love u. And you should know that we are individuals too. Sometimes it may seem that we're a whole, a fanbase, but we consist out of many many different people, all with different opinions and thoughts. If one person says something mean, I really hope you don't get the impression we all think so! We will always support you, in we are all so in awe of you. You're a rolemodel for so many girls, even when you're not trying to be, so don't change, stay who you are because that's the person we adore. The reason all of us connect with you so easily is because we are just like you.

    Lots of kisses from a girl in Belgium whom you will most likely never meet (it's okay I've taken peace with it), but who loves you very much.

    In case you would like to respond and make me even more happy than you already have: my twitter account is:


  138. You are such an inspiration to me Zoe, I think you are truly an amazing person <3

  139. You are wonderful, Zoe. I met you at DigiTour in Chicago this past October. Yes, the security were a bit overwhelming, but you were so kind to me. In the midst of craziness, our interaction seemed the most genuine and thankful. So, thank you for that. I can only imagine how overwhelming some things in your life must be right now, but I want you to know that I think you do a terrific job with being honest and open to your viewers. I know that so many people look up to you, but I just see you as a sweet young lady who likes to make people happy doing what she loves.. and that's awesome. Keep being you Zoe, because you're a gem! Sending you virtual hugs! xo

  140. Joelle

    Glad you wrote this. Meetups look really scary and it's great that you don't back out even though you're not totally comfortable. Very strong of you!

  141. Millie

    I have never been to a YouTube convention, of which there are several reasons why (mostly travel related). However after seeing your (and others') videos and blog post about conventions, I don't think I ever will.
    As a "fan" (I don't like that word, I just enjoy watching content) it is hugely overwhelming for me to see people scream and cry at you in such a way. I suffer from anxiety too, albeit mildly as a consequence of depression, but I just cannot handle being surrounded by that many people completely over-reacting. It literally makes me not want to be there, even though there are many creators I would love to meet.
    I don't exactly know how to word it, but I feel very intimidated by it all. This is not a criticism of you by any means as I don't know how you would go about stopping it, but I think some "fans" need to take a step back and realise what they're doing is ridiculous.
    I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. Basically, not only is it off-putting for you and other creators, but some "fans" get very uncomfortable with it too.

  142. I agree 100% with this, and I think it's great that people have started talking about the 'celebrity culture' of youtube – you've put it really eloquently :)


  143. Zoe you are such an inspiration. We love you for who you are, that is why we ready your blog posts and watch your videos. I have never been to a meetup but I have been told that they are insane. We all love you so much and stay stong, I can relate to you when it comes to anxiety and it is hard to imagine being on that stage in digifest, I would have gone full on into a panic attack! <3 x

  144. I totally agree with you zoe! You were one of the first youtubers that I subscribed to, when I started watching youtube. And that was when you had 1 million subs. Now you have more than 4 million. And if I watch your vlogs of digifest and milan I realise that the youtube community has grown A LOT. So I understand that you are overwhelmed and maybe a little bit affraid. But if you just keep doing what you want and what you like, then there's nothing to be affraid of!! Because your true viewers will support you (inclusive myself :) ) whatever you do. I also watched Louise's video about this and I really understand what you girls mean! So just do what makes you happy and don't pay attention to the people who post mean comments.

    I also want to say thank you for making me happy! :) I really love your video's. I always watch them and I always give them a thumps up because they are never bored and they make me laugh all the time. Even when I am sad


  145. I love this post, Zoe! I love seeing what you think about everything. I went to one of the shows – Digitour in the US – and was in the meet and greet line. Honestly, I WAS disapointed, but not in you or any of the others I was there to meet at all! It was just very crowded and very rushed, like you've described. I expected to have a conversation, at least, with each of you, but I think I barely got to say "Hi, how are you? I love you!" That's just a case of me setting high expectations and not looking at the reality; that we had maybe 45mins-1 hour to get over 300 people to meet you guys. I walked away with a hug (after being yelled at to hurry up the hugging) and a picture, which is nice, but I've always thought the whole "pictures with celebrities" thing is kind of weird. I'd rather meet someone I look up to and talk to them about what they do, or even just about anything, than not get to talk to them and just get a picture. I see this in videos when people meet their idols, and no one is talking besides shy hi's and you just take a picture and leave. I guess it started as how to make a memory of that great time meeting someone, but now it's just turned into more proof or bragging rights?! I don't know, that was a little rant hahah but I am saddened, too, by how hard it has gotten to meet you all. But your presence online and your content always brightens my day, so that's a plus! I love watching you grow, it inspires me, so that's definitely worth it even if I can't meet you in person and become a friend.
    Love to you and all the best, your adventures have been and are going to be amazing and my hand it always here for you to (metaphorically) hold!
    xxxx Kim


  146. It's such a coincidence that you posted this. I watched your Digifest blog earlier, and I just couldn't get over the response you received. It must have been so overwhelming, especially the screaming (why do people feel the need to scream?). Suffering from anxiety myself, I'm not sure whether I would have been able to stand in front of so many people without panicking. I think your bravery is amazing, and evidence of how far you've come on your journey saying 'yes'. I hope I manage to follow in your footsteps and become more confident in myself and what I do. Watching your videos definitely reminds me that I can do more, if only I try. So thank you. And good luck with the rest of your journey, wherever it may take you!

    Helen x // Beautiful Curiosities

  147. I love hearing this kind of thing from a Youtubers point of view. People don't get how overwhelming it must be.
    I am a viewer, and if I do say so myself, a bit of a fan, I haven't been to a meet up but seeing the vlogs
    and hearing things like this, people there seem very "Excited"
    It's amazing that people think they know you inside out , when you're on camera once or
    twice a week at the most. It's so rare that we know a person completely, and I'm so in awe of how you deal with
    people. I'm assume all you want to do when you're on holiday and feeling anxious or poorly is too relax, but if you feel like you're letting somebody down, you can't. I don't have a definitive end to this but, over all, thanks for sharing this and your life with us. :)

  148. Aw Zoe, I love your videos (and your blog) so much. I came across both of them around November/December of 2013. I was hooked from the start because of your personality and the content you brought to our attention. I look up to so many people (with different qualities, ages and so on), but the main reason I look up to (respect, idolise or love) them is because they make me feel happy. You make me smile because you're funny and kind and just seem like a really great person, but you always remind people that you don't need to be perfect or do things a certain way just so long as you're happy. When I hear about your panic attacks or your worries I feel for you because it shows that you're just a normal person like the rest of us. It's amazing how you try to power through and I respect you so much for that. I've not had the privilege of meeting you yet, in the street or at a convention, but if I was to meet you at the latter and you weren't comfortable I would completely understand if you took time out to get yourself together or in the case of meeting you on the street, if you ever looked like you weren't having a good day I wouldn't ask you for a photo or anything, I would ask you if you were okay and maybe wanted to talk a little about it. Basically Zoe I understand that this whole thing can be overwhelming and you deserve every good thing that comes your way. Thanks to this crazy thing called the internet I have someone like you on a list of people that make my life that little bit better. I don't want to pretend like I know who you really are but I feel like I know a small part of you and I'm proud to know that small part. You're an inspiration Zoe and all of this making videos, going to events, taking opportunities, etc… I of course want you to do it, but only if you're happy doing it. I'm sending so much love your way Zoe (and virtual hugs) because you deserve it and I’m here (no doubt like everyone else) for you no matter what. :) xxx

  149. Dear Zoe,
    I would like to thank you for always sharing things like this with us and for always saying things as they are.
    I am one of those who are here with you from the very beginning. When I started reading your blog you had ONE video on youtube and I immediately got hooked and inspired.
    Today I have a blog and youtube. They are both starting to grow and it is ALL just thank you YOU.
    Thank of you being who you are and becoming my inspiration in life basicly I found out who and what I want to be.
    Ever since then I am happy.
    Thank you and I LOVE you.
    Please keep safe and HAPPY.
    Much much much LOOOOOOVE to you Percy and Pippin (and the other Sugg;) )
    Deni :*

  150. Romi

    I really loved all what you said. You are such a gorgeous person with wonderfull heart. I love you. I am so proud of you and all your achievements. You deserved them all. Keep your head up and go on. We love you zoe!.


  151. I've been watching your videos since 2012 and it's unbelivable how fast your audience has grew from around 200,000 subs to 4.6 million so I can't imagine how daunting it must be for you! Also I'm shocked people are waiting outside of your flat for you which is not cool at all, you also need privacy and people should not be pushing it. It is weird how big of a thing YouTube has become and whatever opportunities you come across , do it for you. Thanks for explaining how your feeling so we understand xx

  152. I love how you are so honest with us! Reading all of this I realised that you are just normal girl as we are. You have your ups and downs but I admire you how you are dealing with all of it! In my eyes you are so strong, independed, you have so much time to us, putting aside your friends to film another video. I hope one day you won't have any panic attacks. I am happy that you have lots of friends, boyfriend that are keeping you grounded and that they are helping you all the way. I hope one day I will meet you and face to face can tell you what you have done to me and how you are my inspiration! Love you ! xoxo @Paullina_Poland

  153. Ilah E

    Beautiful written and I totally understand you. I never comment actually because I don't think that is necessary but this time I just wanted to say that you are an amazing person, you are so honest and beautiful from the inside and outside and that is what makes people like you, you are a real person, just like us. <3


  154. WOWS

    Really nice, deep and sweet reflection! I'm really happy that you are still a "normal" girl even though you have became so famous!

    Kisses from http://www.withorwithoutshoes.com

  155. I think it's really important that people remember that "youtubers" like yourself, Zoe, are just normal people. Society today is obsessed with any sort of fame and celebrity that they make people famous or want to throw a sort of fame bubble on you. I suffer from anxiety and paranoia and a thought of a meet and greet makes me feel sick. I doubt me and my blog would ever come to that but you are really brave because you let people into your life with your posts and videos and you can go out in front of thousands. You do seem ordinary except you show a great amount of kindness and compassion for people. I wish you all the best and I'll keep supporting you!
    Katie xxx


  156. OMG i love you, you are amazing.!!


  157. Zoe you are the most special and honest and lovely person I have ever met (virtually). I love you, you made me a better person! <3<3<3

  158. i love you so much ! you are my insparation :* <3 love from Tunisia <3

  159. I'm writing this after just having watched your DIGIFEST & BRIGHTON FOOD FESTIVAL vlog (and yes, I've read your whole blog post too). I'm going to be completely honest and tell you that I think you may be making your anxiety worse by going to events like Digifest. Hear me out: you have anxiety issues and you have panic attacks so should you really be surrounding yourself with hoards of screaming people? One of my closest friends suffers from anxiety and panic attacks too and I know that if she was in the same situation you are, being exposed to crowds as loud as those ones were, she'd fall into a heap of tears on the floor. Maybe you should take some time and step back from it all and just focus on making videos and blogging. Forget all the crowds, forget all the festivals, and forget the meet and greets until you feel as if you've made an improvement to your health and your life.

    We all love you very much and I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say that we only want to see you healthy and happy. And if that means taking a break from it all, then why not? Your health and your sanity is important! Now, I'm going to stop sounding like a Mother Hen right now and carry on about my business (I'm at work right now lol), all the while wishing you the very best xx

  160. I can't begin to imagine what this all feels like for you and this post definitely helped me see it from your perspective better so thank you for posting it! I just want to say even though you now have more followers, people still watch your videos for the same reason they did 3 years ago. I know I do. I enjoy seeing what you've been loving just like I like to see what my friends have been loving. I enjoy watching your artistic filmed videos because they inspire me. Your honesty and the insight into your life helps me cope with new aspects of mine. You help people are you should be SO proud. I don't think I could do what you do. However, I'm not sure I agree with meet and greets. Summed up into a sentence, I think they encourage idolising behaviour and encourage people to look at Youtubers like celebrities.

  161. I really agree with this- I must say it's definitely the best put opinion of 'youtube culture'. I must say though I've gone from being super keen to going to conventions, to them making me pretty anxious, uneasy and uncomfortable. I think a lot of people would agree in saying that we share a common opinion of the main thing we want to do is have a chat just like two friends would do; but as youtube viewings increase, that becomes more and more difficult. I will never stop reading your blog, or watching your videos, but I think it's time that viewers took a step back, and looked through to the other side of the camera. Would I describe myself as a fan? Maybe, but probably more like a very one sided friendship. I agree with the ideals of conventions: that it is an easy environment for viewers to meet EACH OTHER and the people they watch; however I do not agree with the way they are run, and how they have become so one-sided, rather than the way they started off being. But is there a different way to fill the purpose of a convention? I guess that's just the next hurdle for the youtube community to get over- and let's never forget we're ALL ONE community.

  162. Aha, I actually got teary reading this :') I'm am and always have been very shy even some of my teachers have called me a 'Wall Flower' before. Reading this made me realise further you are more real than just on the camera I really think people take 'YouTubers for granted, forgetting they have lives other than just YouTube. I have to admit I do miss the times when YouTube wasn't as popular as it is now, because the meet-ups seemed so simple, as to just say a time and a date and have a small meet up in a park. Now I am slightly disappointed to think that by the time I could maybe have the chance to meet any YouTubers the time will be up or people just wont want to do it anymore. But now I am pretty happy procrastinating from my exam prep while laughing at silly videos. Thank you for making being young a little more easy. :) x

  163. lisa

    Hello Zoe, I'm Lisa, a 22 years old Japanese girl. (I'm afraid if you don't understand my broken English)
    Everytime I watched your meeting&greeting video, I wondered if you and your youtuber friends feel comfortable or safe.
    I wouldn't say that I can imagine, but I suppose that having that many fans can be tough sometimes.

    You wrote about what you actually think. That's why you are so cool I think.
    You're really cool because you always try to be honest even if you're very afrid of it.

    Anyway I really really want to say thank you for your cool/ interesting/ funny/ hilarious/ pretty videos!
    I've just graduated from uni, and I've just started working in fashion industry.
    Actually… it has been a really hard time for me. But in that hard time, your videos always cheered me up. Really.
    waching the videos of you and your really nice friends was what made me feel relaxed the most, for a while.
    Thanks to you, I surived my really hard time and now I've got used to my new environment. new people, new place.

    I can't meet you because I'm living too far (which is Japan) but I always love you. (^O^)
    There are some not so nice people unfortunately,
    but don't forget that if you stay nice, (which is the way you are,) there will always be nice people around you.

    stay just the way you are and we always love you! xoxo Lisa from Japan :)

  164. Zoe I was at Itatube in Milan and I wanted to meet you so badly but when I was in the queue on saturday I felt like I was gonna faint cause it was too packed with people so I left. On sunday, when I was queueing again, Tan and Louise told us that you weren't going to show up cause you were ill. I felt I was gonna faint again. But I kept up and met Joe Alfie Jim Marcus and Caspar instead. I gave Joe two letters, one for him and one for you. I really hope he gave it to you and that you read it. I'm sure you both did.
    But not meeting you didn't ruin my day whatsoever. Yes, I would have prefered seeing and hugging you, or going around the city with you and Joseph. But Itatube and all those conventions in general are wonderful experiences that allowed me to meet some of my viewers as well and incredible friends I've made on youtube, like you did.
    I feel constantly inspired by you and your group of friends. Even if I don't know you, I hope one day I'll get to do some of the awesome things you're up to everyday.
    I don't know if I sound like a creeper or not but whatever.
    I'd love to know if you read my letter, it was the one in pink paper and I wrote I was going to send you Venice pictures but I didn't :( (Yes, I am lame.).
    Let me know if you and Joe read them,

    Love you.

    Elena Sandri.

  165. Really good you wrote this! Last month I went to ITAtube and it was so overwhelming. I've never experienced something like that and the first day was horrible to be honest. We first had to wait about 2 hours to get inside the building and then another 4 hours for our first meet up, the youtube boyband. The que (if you can even call it a que) was crazy, I even considered to go out of the que, because I felt so bad. Everyone was screaming in your ears and pushing. After 4 hours it was finally my turn and I walked to Caspar and hugged him, I gave him my drawing and letter and we took a selfie. It was like 20 seconds. Then the security pulled me away. I had some letters and drawings for the others as well but I couldn't give it to them. I felt really bad and I started crying, the security was screaming at me in Italian, but I'm Dutch, so I couldn't understand it. I walked away and Alfie said 'I'm so sorry for you' and Jim just ran away from the meetup to hug me. That really showed me that you're just normal people too. I had a drawing of you and Alfie and I saw you standing there and I just ran to you even though I wasn't allowed. You were literally one of the nicest people I've ever met. I really liked meeting you but I wish I could talk a little bit, maybe only to ask you how you are. Unfortunally that's impossible at those youtube conventions.

    Two weeks before Itatube I met Will Darbyshire and Alexa Losey in Amsterdam. That was a meetup how it should be. Alexa had anxiety and she didn't feel good, so she was in the same park but we saw she wanted to be alone, so we left her alone. There were only 20 people and we talked with them like you talk with friends. After a while Alexa came and we didn't scream or anything and she felt so much better because of the way we did. I really wish all meetups were like that.

    The 'gap' between the YouTubers and viewers gets so much bigger when everyone starts screaming and pushing. At those moment it felt like you were super famous and like it's impossible to talk to you. It's hard to explain how it is to meet youtubers as those big conventions. I had an amazing weekend, but I wish I could just thank you and the others for always making me smile. But even that was impossible.

    I'm sorry, this comment is way too long, but you asked for opinions about meeting youtubers and this is mine haha :) I'm sorry if my English is bad, but I'm Dutch so English isn't my native language.

    I love you a lot Zoe and I'm proud of you for doing all those overwhelming and scary things.

    xxxxxxxxxxxx Samyra

  166. Really great post! I love watching your videos, and I would LOVE to meet you, Joe and everybody else someday, when you're all (hopefully) come to Germany one day. :)
    Keep doing what YOU love and what makes YOU happy, that's all that matters. :) There are enough people who will always stay by your side, no matter what.

    Love from Berlin, Germany,

  167. Hey Zoe! :)
    So, I don't know where to begin.
    I found you and a bunch of british youtuber around last summer. And I guess it was one of my best things. I can't really tell you how much you have helped me so far. Though, I don't suffer from anxiety, I do have self harm and self love issues. And you have helped me so much, like I said. I am as skinny as you, or even more skinnier and much taller. I hated my body. But, watching you, being confiedent (I know that you're not confindent all the time, I know). But when you're confident in your videos, it really helped me. Like, now I'm trying to accept myself. And this is what you gave me. Hope, that one day I can even love myself.
    You're such a good person, and I think in the back of our minds we all know that you're just an ordinary girl. Actually, and ordinary girl, who made me feel better about myself. And I can't thank you enough. Maybe, one day I can tell you this personally since I live in Hungary.
    And of course, you helped me improve my english. :) Because of you, I speak or at least use english every day, which is amazing, I think.
    Anyways, I love you, and please stay true to yourself because you're amazing! <3
    xxx, Zsófi

  168. I'm so happy for everything that you have achieved Zoe! Love this post, it is very inspiring :) xx

  169. Zoe, this is so beautiful and so amazing. You are such a strong person for writing this and this post also got me thinking that you (and all the other youtubers I'm watching) are normal people like me and my friends. I really look up to you. Right now when I'm writing this I'm sitting in my bed, with a cup of tea and a package of tissues by my side, a few tears came out while reading this. I've been following your youtube channel and blog for very long and in your latest vlog when you can see what you have accomplished I feel so proud.

    I really love you Zoe, keep doing what you are doing and be yourself, that's how you accomplish things in life. Just be yourself. :) Love Ya. (And can you please come to Sweden, I really wanna meet you) :)

  170. heyy I was there too! It was crazy, you're right! I wish I was in Amsterdam when you met Will and Alexa tho, I saw your video, such nice people! x

  171. i love this blog so much xxx BIG LOVE xxxxx

  172. Honestly, I'm not sure you will ever read this, but I just wanted to put it out there on the off chance that you will, I became a fan of yours when you started opening up about your anxiety. Just like this post explains, so often it seems like everyone out there (celebrities, YouTubers, anyone we don't know personally) have it all together and their life is simply perfect. I suffer badly with an anxiety disorder and lately it has gotten worse. I moved back in with my parents following uni and I'm scared I'll never leave. I've always wanted to do live a traveling and open life, but it's almost seems impossible. Seeing your posts and your honesty has helped give me hope. I don't know what my future holds, but seeing your strength has given me strength and for that I say thank you.


    HayleyKaye :)

  173. I am so pleased to read this. People don't realize that YouTube people are also (and still) normal people.
    Zoe, you are great inspiration for a lot of people. Keep doing what you are doing.
    Loves, Neeltje

  174. From someone who started watching a bunch of now really well-known youtubers before they became so popular, it's definitely seemed to me like it's been quite the drastic and overwhelming amount of attention, all at once! Being 23 yrs. old myself, it's hard to imagine that kind of attention – I think especially because of the way you started, blogging back in the day, you probably didn't expect it to blowup as much as it did! Congrats on that :) that's awesome that so many people found they could connect with what you had to say!
    Maybe it's because I came just after the whole internet-24/7 mentality where people seem to obsess so much and so easily over certain things, and then put it all on the internet, that it's hard to put myself in that 14 yr. old crying fan at Playlist's shoes who devotes there life to knowing every single thing about their favourite internet "idol", from making a twitter account dedicated to their eyebrows, to knowing where they live and sitting outside their house (…that wouldbe a strange feeling!)
    Oh twitter…even looking there at how…passionate some of these girls & boys can be at the flip of a hat is, in a way, kind of scary?…!! I know it most always come out of a place of love, which is v sweet, but I can definitely see how it could be overwhelming. It's hard for that 14 yr. old to know empathy and be empathetic for someone alot older than them & in a situation so different from their own (like yours), but I think it's important to try, ya know? For your happiness as well as theirs :) There's no price that can be put on mutual understanding like that, and just checking in & being aware of how everyone in the situation might feel; I think both parties owe it to eachother to just take a bit of time to stop for a second & think about it – kind of like how you wrote this about how you're feeling and let everyone know :)

    Great post Zoe! Congrats & good luck with all of your 2014 going-ons!!

    Cat // CACHOO JOO

  175. understood!

  176. Hello Zoe,
    I've seen Louise's video about this topic and it made me think quite a lot. I just wanted to explain you how I felt during the ita tube convention.
    It was my first convention ever and as I don't live in Milan, I had to get up at 4am, get a bus, a train, the tube and then I finally arrived at the venue at 9am I think.. Well it was absolutely overwhelming, I've been queuing for two hours to meet Tyler, Troye and Hannah and well meet is a huge word bc I've only had the time to pose for a pic, give them a quick hug and then I've been pushed away, and the same thing happened with the YouTube boyband, with Sam &co and with Louise and tanya (I went there on Sunday that's why I didn't met you unfortunately) but anyway.. I spent the whole day queuing, without eating a single thing bc otherwise if have lost my position in the queue.. I don't know why but at the end of the day I was kinda happy but everything I had was a pic with the mayority of you and nothing else.. I felt so disappointed because you know, we watch your videos and we know a lot about you all, but for you we're just 1/5187473847384 and we're just one of the thousand faces you get to hug.. Everything I'd like to do is have a chat with you, talk to you, chill with you.. I don't wanna pay lots of money to see you for 20 secs.. I know that money isn't a matter for you now but for some of us is and my parents did make a huge effort to give me enough money to come to the convention and idk.. I think that we should try to find a way to do a different type of meeting so that we can do it in a pacific way without screaming and stuff.. Oh yeah one thing I wanted to point out that i wasn't screaming at all when you came in bc I didn't see any point in doing it! I mean why!!! I didn't even scream when I met one direction! I mean you're just normal people! It's like going to the butcher and started screaming at him as soon as he gives you the meat! Why the hell do people have to scream? I will never understand it actually..
    Well I don't even know what I'm saying anymore but i hope you got what I wanted to tell you..

    Thank you for explaining to us all your feelings!


    Vittoria x

  177. This was a great post! I really enjoy your story and how you started from blogging to where you are now. I am so proud of all you have accomplished and look forward to all your new adventures!

    Xo, Vanessa (Delightful Sunflower)
    P.S. I'm doing a giveaway on my blog! If you'd like to stop by and check it out I'd appreciate it!!

  178. Emma

    This post was very much needed, Zoe! Everyone needs to remember that YouTubers and bloggers alike are all human and everyone started out as an ordinary person with 0 followers. But it's a two-way street and these YouTube 'stars' need to remember that they decided to share their life online, so they need to both appreciate the potential fame and fandom and accept their newfound 'celebrity' status – meanwhile, the viewers need to remember that they are all just regular people who aren't used to people gushing over them 24/7. Thankfully I don't think this 'YouTube culture' has escalated to the point where YouTubers get 'papped' or genuinely 'stalked' (of course, fans might spot them in the street and ask for a photo, but that doesn't call for a Daily Mail article) but I agree that it must be overwhelming for someone with anxiety like you.

    You've done an amazing job coming this far, so if I were you I'd be excited for what the future holds and remember that there is no going back to the Zoe of 2009 who was completely unknown on the internet – so you might as well embrace the applause. Of course, everyone needs to breathe every now and again!

    Emma x | Reverie Lane

  179. Absolutely lovely post, and so true to life! I think many people do forget that you and all the other Youtubers are normal human beings – I can't say I know how you feel with regards to the crowds and stuff, but I can imagine! It's crazy how big the Youtubing world has blown up. I love your chatty, down-to-earth style of writing, and I absolutely love watching your videos. I do think that some fans do need to learn that there are boundaries though – of course, many people love you but I do think it's gone a bit too far when they're sitting outside your house and ringing your doorbell – that's totally crossing the line! You cope with everything so well and I can't imagine how overwhelming it must be for you! But keep on doing what you're doing, you're an inspiration to us all!

    Sarah xx

  180. Reading this made me tear up. I look up to you, and think you are an amazing person. I feel like I can relate to you in so many ways, and you help me through the situations you have already faced. I'm unsure about the whole 'YouTube Culture' thingy. I am soooo happy to call you my idol, because I couldn't ask for anything more from you. I must admit however I do find myself considering the 'perfect' life you must lead, the friends, the fans and the adventures. And really I know you don't. You really are just a normal girl though, from a normal family (not to make you sound boring or anything). You have a talent for something new and modern, that no other generations have faced. It comforts me to know that someone like you, who has achieved so much, can still feel exactly like me. I guess the whole 'YouTube Culture' thing is completely new. You are one of the first big 'YouTubers' because a few years ago it didn't exist. Right now your life is crazy, one minute you are snuggled on your sofa with your guinea pigs, the next having 1000's of people screaming for you. And I think that's why people look up to you. You are a normal girl from a normal family, but with an amazing talent. 'In this moment now capture it, remember it', don't focus on what you might of done wrong, of what might happen, but take ever moment as it comes and be 'fearless'. Everyone makes mistakes, you are just a human being. But not everyone has 4,500,00+ subscribers, and has their life documented. I think that's why I love you the most, because you are, and always will be just Zoe, who just knows whats happening and just knows the right things to say. Thank you for the Zoe, Love izzy and so many others:) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  181. I'm heartbroken that people invade your privacy and come to your home. Celebrity or no, I've always felt everyone deserves their privacy.
    I'm also glad you've decided to say yes more often. You've affected a lot of lives and had so many amazing experiences. I do still let my anxiety rule me a bit, but I've also learned to push it aside thanks you your blogs about it.


  182. I really love what you are saying about just being another person, who just happens to be in the public eye. Louise touched on this as well, and I think its really important that we, the viewers, keep that in mind.

    I struggle with sever anxiety and depression. I have wanted to go to various conventions to meet YouTubers, but I don't think I ever will because I'm too afraid that I would just be having anxiety attacks left, right, and center. I'm also so afraid that you wouldn't like me!

    The reason I enjoy watching YouTube videos is because it feels like you are a friend, talking to me directly. With the hustle and bustle of a meet and greet at a convention, it kind of ruins that effect. If you ran into one of your friends on the street, you would be able to have an actual conversation about what is going on in your life, rather than just "Hi" *snaps picture* "Bye!"

    Do what makes YOU happy. If we don't like it, that's OUR problem, not yours! (I know, easier said than done! I'm so invested in what people think of me sometimes, I sound like a hypocrite!)

    Lots of Love,

  183. I got a little emotional there, but Zoe.. I know that I don't "know" you but I do really love you. I have been so insecure about my self, and you really have gave me some hope. I'm still insecure, but not that much, you have given me inspiration to make-up and hair. I haven't met you, because I live in Denmark and I don't really have the opportunity to travel to see you at events, but if I meet you one day, I really hope it would be a calm place, I will of course have a chat and really thank you. I know you are just a normal girl, but you have done so many amazing things to make so many people happy, and you are the reason why. I do truly love you and I'm hoping that I one day will thank you in person :')

  184. I think it was so important that you wrote this blog post! As with Louise's video from last week – I think people find it so easy to forget that behind the 10 minutes a week that viewers see of you is a real girl. Videos and blog posts are a snippet of your life, but do not reflect the whole thing. Thank you for reminding the world of that – and remember that you don't have to live up to the expectations that have been created for you!

    Thank you Zoe.


  185. Hello! I would just like to begin by saying that I am a huge fan of yours (Tanya's, Louise's, Joe's, Alfie's and so on) videos however I completely agree- I personally suffer with anxiety/ claustrophobia and the whole thing seems rather daunting to me. I would love to meet you but I don't know whether a quick hello is worth the several hours of stressful queuing that I would put myself through. It almost annoys me how far fans will go because as a result of this meetups have become more hostile. I feel that this is the situation with many singers/ artists too for example I am a huge One Direction fan but find that meet and greets are simply becoming more and more like this and all because some fans go too far.However I am starting to realize that the situation with youtubers has become the same without me noticing and I find it hard to believe that Zoe- the pretty chatty girl who posts vlogs and videos where she sings starships with her best friends, tells us about her favourite lipsticks and is like the sister I never had- is becoming like the five boys whose posters are on my wall. I have watched your videos since the very beginning and am so proud of how far you have come but I just can't comprehend that Zoe Sugg, the girl from Wiltshire with a few hundred followers is now Zoella, a famous youtuber who travels the world and has over four millions subscribers. Sorry for the long, rambly paragraph, Maddie :D

  186. Thank you for writing this, it feels great that you (and Louise in her video) are talking about this, because I've been thinking a lot about this since I started watching youtubers. I, as a viewer, sometimes feel very uncomfortable seeing vlogs from events and meet ups where it's all gone crazy. The "youtube celebrity culture" is quite odd to me, and I do think it sort of comes down to the amount of followers/subscribers you have. Because when I watch your videos, or Joe's, or Louise's etc. for a longer period of time, what I feel, is that I just want to become your friend.

    I would just love to have a chat with you, and hang out for a bit you know. The type of videos most of you make have a sort of made in that direction, that your viewers are your friends. ("Hi bestfriends!" to quote Jim haha). And you are our friend, in the computer. But with the amount of "fans" you all have, it makes you unreachable. It becomes a big deal for a lot of people to even get replies from you on twitter, they change their usernames and feel grateful and happy for days, (which is nice of course, that you can make someone so happy). It also makes you all become more distant to your viewers, in an absolutely understandable way. I mean, you would probably not invite a friendly viewer over for tea in your home just like that. And what you write here, that people actually are waiting outside your home just to see you, makes it so much harder for you.

    But I'm incredibly glad that you are bringing this up, just like Louise. I would love for more of youtubers to adress this, that you are in fact just normal people who would love to have a chat but doesn't want people hanging outside your home. I wish you didn't have to be distant and that people wouldn't go crazy over meeting you, so that I could just meet up with you one day and have a nice little chat.

    Sorry for the long comment, but I didn't know where else to share my thoughts to you!

  187. i have never been to a meet up and genuinely dont think i will, i would love to but they have all gotten way too over the top for me to be comfortable in that situation. i would love to meet all of you and have that experience but i dont like the way that the system works whilst people are there, ive watched lots of videos about them and read people comments and i dont think they are for me. how can i meet you but not have to have the stress related with the crowded meet ups?

  188. Oh my god, I almost cried while reading this post and I don't even really know why. I really love this post and I'm so thankful you took the time to write it! xx

  189. To Zoe,
    I can't really relate to you in anyway because I am only a teenage girl living a normal life. With over 4 million subscribers sure your life is bound to change, but how can your fans (including myself) not be grateful. Just imagine the amount of subscribers you have to the haters. The ratio would be unbelievable. You have so many fans and so little haters. We all love you, and you have changed many peoples lives. Thank you and WE LOVE YOU<3

  190. i think that people are just over reacting because they were soo excited to see you and have a chat with you , even though you're a normal person but they see you as an inspiring giiirl who was able to switch to the good side of her life aaand one more sharing her life with strangers all over the worl and it's a brave decision not many of us can do love ya zoe , keep going and cheer up xoxo

  191. Zoe this post was beautiful, it was great for me hearing about the youtube culture from the point of view of those who we admire personally I attended to itatube where I couldn't meet you the first day because of the security and the second day because you were feeling poorly, if you felt that those days you left your viewers down just because you couldn't met them all you're wrong, we all were sad but we knew that it wasn't possible we were a lot and it's not your fault that you were sick all the people to who I've talked that day were worried about you and were hoping that you would have felt better. I'm very happy that you got where you are now you deserve it, you still make people happy with your videos good luck for everything I hope that one day we'll manage to find a way to do meet and greet in wich youtubers will have the chance to talk with their subscribers.
    P.s: surely when I'll be old and wrinkly I'll remember youtube as a great part of my life that changed me ♥

  192. Uru S

    being a blogger myself i know that a blog is a place to take out stress, and i actually miss blogs that have posts like that because most of the well known ones tend to become a bit impersonal. but this post makes me fell like i can relate to you as a human being.
    i am usually an extroverted person and i love to talk a lot… so that somehow earned me the post of being the best commentator, emcee, and host in my school. this year i entered a citywide competition for emcee-ing and won. as the reward i got to host one of the biggest school fests of my city. i hosted on the first day where i shared the stage with a couple of celebrities. the second day when i was attending the fest girls came up to me wanting to say hi and take pictures and groups of girls even burst into screams when they saw me.
    what happened to me was such a small scale and me being an extrovert was still overwhelmed, so i cant even begin to imagine what it must have felt like for you.
    all i have to say is that its admirable that you face your demons and brave your way through most of the days for your viewers sake.
    i know its impractical but i hope that with time you dont change. at least not much.

  193. Zoe this post means so much to me. It genuinely brings me to tears that in today's world you can type out your honest feelings. Not that I ever thought you were being dishonest, but it makes me so happy you feel you can be so honest with us. I want to thank you for never giving up on youtube even though it has made some aspects of your life harder. I could be having the the worst day of my life but if I just watch a marathon of your videos it makes me feel so much better. I could never thank you enough for all the times you made me smile on my bad days. Thank you so much! xoxo Emily

  194. It's okay for celebrities, such as actors and singers. They really know 100% just exactly what they're getting themselves in for whereas, with youtubers, you have no idea how things are going to go.
    Love you, Zoe! Chin up xxxx

  195. Thank you for writing this, it feels great that you (and Louise in her video) are talking about this, because I've been thinking a lot about this since I started watching youtubers. I, as a viewer, sometimes feel very uncomfortable seeing vlogs from events and meet ups where it's all gone crazy. The "youtube celebrity culture" is quite odd to me, and I do think it sort of comes down to the amount of followers/subscribers you have. Because when I watch your videos, or Joe's, or Louise's etc. for a longer period of time, what I feel, is that I just want to become your friend.

    I would just love to have a chat with you, and hang out for a bit you know. The type of videos most of you make have a sort of made in that direction, that your viewers are your friends. ("Hi bestfriends!" to quote Jim haha). And you are our friend, in the computer. But with the amount of "fans" you all have, it makes you unreachable. It becomes a big deal for a lot of people to even get replies from you on twitter, they change their usernames and feel grateful and happy for days, (which is nice of course, that you can make someone so happy). It also makes you all become more distant to your viewers, in an absolutely understandable way. I mean, you would probably not invite a friendly viewer over for tea in your home just like that. And what you write here, that people actually are waiting outside your home just to see you, makes it so much harder for you.

    But I'm incredibly glad that you are bringing this up, just like Louise. I would love for more of youtubers to adress this, that you are in fact just normal people who would love to have a chat but doesn't want people hanging outside your home. I wish you didn't have to be distant and that people wouldn't go crazy over meeting you, so that I could just meet up with you one day and have a nice little chat.

    Sorry for the long comment, but I didn't know where else to share my thoughts to you!

  196. Maisy

    Wow, thank you for being so open and honest about how you are feeling, Zoe. i mean, i am just one tiny little person in this huge community, and I already feel overwhelmed when i scroll through comments (honestly i feel almost demoralized nowadays because there are SO many comments and opinions that i don't even dare or want to put myself out there, first of all because it intimidates me to face all these people, and secondly because i feel it's almost pointless. like there are SO many words and opinions out there, i don't really want to contribute even more to that. does that make sense?), so I already feel overwhelmed, and i am only on the "passive" side of it all! as opposed to you who can't chose to just stand down and be an invisible observer. because that's basically what i am: an invisible observer or "viewer" to be precise. (sorry, this does sound kind of creepy -.-) but right now i am actually getting active and typing a comment to put my tiny little opinion out there :) the reason? you! you motivate me to crawl out of my little cozy shell, to say YES or to say No or whatever the heck i want to say! i'm sorry if this text is sort of confusing but who cares – it is the way it is! do you even get to read all of your countless comments? well i guess i'll never know! but i do hope you get to read them and know that you do inspire and motivate others, such as me. and i really do hope that what "we" (as in the viewer community) can in turn help you to cope with your anxieties and worries and help you grow :)
    great, first i sounded like a creepy person, now i sound like a crazy gardener. oh i hate the internet! everything sounds so wrong :D well, i do hope you get what i'm trying to say. anyways, thank you for sharing so much of your life with us, and thank you for giving other people like me the opportunitiy to share something with you in return, like this terribly long and confusing comment :)
    oh by the way: i'm also glad you address this whole "youtube celebrity" matter because i never really know what to think of youtubers. i mean, in a way you are just normal people talking to a camera, but then again you get so many "unreal" chances that i't hard to treat you like a "real" person. at least that's how i feel.
    okay, that's it now to this superlong comment!
    all the best, from the bottom of my tiny little heart ♥

  197. Driving through Germany one evening I had a panic attack right on the highway. Not far from Erfurt. Anxiety came out of nowhere really. I had to pull over immediately stop for 15 minutes and just breath. Took everything in that was around me and just realized where I was in the exact moment. I felt kind of embarrassed about it because it hadn't ever happened before. Now it happens more often. It sucks. But taking that time to just almost appreciate where I was and ponder for a moment was what I needed in order to continue on my way. And I continued on, moving forward, never preventing myself from seeing what was further beyond and it was beautiful. Made it to Dresden, saw Berlin and drove on toward Dortmund. That next day was amazing and I felt like I had accomplished something. I think we always need to be moving forward even if that means we have to stop once in a while and just take things in. Sounds like your having an awesome adventure. Hope you keep discovering new things dude!

  198. Dear Zoe, unfortunately there will always be people saying negative things about you and because you're dealing with that anxiety – that I am very familiar with – those will stick in your head too long. But actually it might be harder to feel so overwhelmed by people who really like you – or your videos – because of course they don't know you in real life. I enjoy watching your videos a lot, but I don't see you as an idol or celebrity, just as a girl making good videos. Somehow that's become your job, and that's great, but you didn't intend it to be. I haven't been to any meet-ups, but I understand that it's extremely overwhelming and difficult when dealing with anxiety. I think you do set an example there, by facing your fear and that inspires me to deal with my own anxiety.

    Keep doing what you love and say yes to the things that you really want to do. :)

  199. Zoe, I admire you so much for posting this blog. Even more so than before! Watching youtubers such as yourself, has inspired me to save up for a camera and make videos of my own in the future, so for that I say thank you. I love watching your videos and actually look forward to you posting them as I know they will cheer me up if I'm feeling down or just entertain me, like all youtubers videos! I haven't been watching youtubers for very long but I'm so glad I started. I hope to meet you one day and tell you in person about how amazing you are at what you do and how you shouldn't give up no matter how many hateful comments people give you. (Your large fan base says it all really!)

    So, do what makes YOU happy and I will love you either way (like so many of your fans!)

    I hope you get to read this post,

    Eleanor xxx

  200. Your are my inspiration because I know you have your imperfections and I know that what is not on camera can be a night mare! When people scream, personally, I don't understand. It sounds more like your hurt and scared than happy. The youtube culture has changed so much, it used to be our little secret but of course that secret is going to get out and it has, but lord knows how much bigger its going to get but personally I hope it stays small, not to exclude people and not so that its a secret but because I feel sorry for you guys because I know that you love doing what you do and everything but at the same time you don't get privacy or you cant do things that would've taken 5 minutes with out fangirls coming up to you. I think overall my opinion on this whole thing is that some people should learn that youtubers aren't perfect and that you only see 10 minutes a week of there life, if that! I hope someone reads this and feels the same way! xxx

  201. MiL

    Hey Zoe!
    At first, there are a LOT of comments in this blog post, so I'm not sure will you ever see this message, but i waned to write it anyway.
    I have never been on the meetings with youtubers or nobody. I probably never will, because I live in Finland, and it's definitely not easy just go and travel all around the world. Well, they say that never say never… :D But, on the other hand, as great it would be to actually meet you and my other favorite youtubers, that's not a necessity I need.
    I just wanna say, that I appreciate SO MUCH all the work you have done. Like you said, you are just ordinary people. It really doesn't matter, because, how crazy it sounds, every time you upload a new video it makes me feel happy and I'm excited about that. I really wish that I could say that to you and all the other favorite youtubers face to face, but I kind of think that you guys already know that. :) I have always though that even the people we all know ("celebrities"), have right to the privacy. They are just people. That is why I never go to say something to anybody I regonize, even though I wanted to. I just don't want to bother them. Because, let's be honest, it would be really weird if somebody would come to ask me to the picture while I'm shopping. :D

    I apologize if my english is not perfect, but hey, nobody's perfect! :D I just want you to know that I personally appreciate all the videos you and your friends do, and they cheer up my day every time! Is it kind of weird that you can make people happy who you have never met and who have never met you?

    All in all, I'm really proud what you have already accomplished, what all you youtubers have accomplished, and I wish all the best for all of you!
    Never stop doing things that makes you happy, all of us have deserved those happy moments♥♥

    With lots of love, Milla ♥

  202. Totally agree with your advice about distancing a liiiiitle bit from those loving you. But after all, thank you so so much for bring such happiness to us and thank you for having to fight your own anxieties and personal issues whilst love your audiences so much.:))) Love from China~~(sad to be leaving London in half a year time, where Youtube is blocked:((()

  203. Zoe, just remember one thing : you can never please everyone in life. Yes, you may want to meet all your fans and you want to spend adequate time with them. But what is adequate time? You want to be able to meet everyone who has supported you and brought you to the position that you are today.

    Just look at the views of one of your videos. Do you think you can meet that many people in your lifetime? Bearing in mind they are different people watching each of your videos with only a small percentage being the oens who watch all of them.

    Girl, your videos are enough for me; the fact you make them shows how much you adore your fans.

    Talking about fans, I should really get back to my English revision because I don't want to fail my A Levels, even though I probably have.

    I adore you Zoe and love the person you are. I truly hope I get to see once in my lifetime and maybe even have a chat. However I am that type of person who won't approach you if you're looking a bit busy or a you are spending time for yourself. So maybe when the times right I will get to have a chat with you.

    But you've got to remember you are still that same girl you were 5 years ago. Youtube hasn't made you a transformer who is able to change with the situation.

    So keep your head up girl, you're doing brilliantly.

  204. I have never met you or any other youtuber and if I ever do, I would be very happy. I want to go to one of those youtube conventions but it's just too far away or I have school or something (I live in Belgium). When you guys were in Italy I was there to on the same moment and I didn't saw any of you. I was very frustrated because I saw it as my one time in a life opportunity to meet one of you. Now I realise that I shouldn't think that way. You guys are just human and sometimes as a viewer I forget that. I think this post is important. I hope I'll meet you someday, on a convention or just by coincidence, but I'll not think about it too much. What will happen will happen.

    Thank you for this post and for making awesome videos!

    Linde xoxo

  205. This is so true, Zoe! I feel like sometimes people can forget youtubers and your 'idols' are also just normal people too! I've heard so much about whats been going on at places like DigiFest and I think it's so upsetting, I want to meet you guys but that kind of environment honestly sounds terrifying! I wish there was a different way we could all meet up together. We love you, stay strong <3 xox


  206. this is so beautiful love you zoe i want to meet you more than anything xxxxxxxx

  207. Many congratulations for everything you've achieved Zoe, you deserve it all :) We are all so proud of you and how far you've come :) keep chasing your dream and enjoy every moment :) Take care of yourself and always remember that we are all here for you! :) xxx
    | Life as a Petite |

  208. I never attended any meeting, and I most probably never will. Not that it won't be very nice to "meet" you, be it won't feel like really meeting you. And I will feel so uncomfortable among all those girls screaming and crying at you. I never understood the excitement of seeing someone "famous", I don't why, it is jus not something I am dying to do.

    As I just said, attending a meeting, and have a few seconds to say hi (and not hug you, it would be weird huging someone who doesn't me) wouldn't be and actual meeting. You seem like such a nice person, easy to talk to, and it surely would be great to get to know you by having a little chat over a cup of tea and some nice biscuits.

    Anyway, it was nice to read you and see that you have kept your feet on the ground, because, believe it or not, for some people you are a celebrity.
    I also suffer from panic attack from time to time and I was surprised to have the courage to take a plane on my own to visit my bf in Canada, it is nice to see that even people who should be used to travel a lot by now still react that way when there's to much pressure.

    Enjoy every second Zoe, it surely is an amazing experience you are living.

  209. Zoe, your videos do make me so very happy! :) and I've recently been thinking that you are just like the rest of us, but with amazing opportunities. Also, I wondered what it would be like to be you and your friends, having so many people following you on social media and screaming at you when you enter the room. (It was quite mind boggling for me too hehe!)

  210. I think both you and Louise's views on Celebrity Youtube Culture are incredible and it's very important for everyone to remember you are normal people. I think this should be a case with Celebrity culture not just Celeb Youtube culture. We have to remind ourselves not to get overwhelmed by these people we look up to and remember that we're all the same. Thank you for this post Zoe, I hope it changes things, for the better of course.

    Melissa, at http://www.melissa-lou.blogspot.com

  211. I have to admit I got a bit teary reading this, but mainly happy tears because I'm so proud of how far you've got, and you're so down-to-earth so you haven't let the fame turn you into someone else. i completely respect that you are a 'normal' person, and when fans get too over the top and disrespect your privacy it does make me mad. I've never been to a meet up unfortunately but I've seen how crazy it gets, and I just wish there was a way of making meetups more chilled and not so rushed. I hate that youtube has grown so big that everything is so strict. I do worry about you sometimes, Zoe, because you are a normal girl and the things you have to deal with are a lot to take in. I just wish everyone could realize that and respect that. When I read your blogs and watch your videos I feel like we're best friends that have known each other for years, but the reality is that you don't even know who I am, and I wish it was possible to have a proper long conversation with you. I hope I'm not overwhelming you with this comment, I've tried to word it as best as I can. Hopefully this blog post will allow more people to understand youtube from your point of view and respect it. Well done for dealing with this stuff, it's a lot to cope with. Keep smiling :)

    Becca xxxx

  212. Thank you Zoe that you are :) You inspired me to start my own blog. It will be a bit different, about Nail Art :) Still, thanks that you gave me that "push" to make changes and be more brave in my life.
    Have a pleasant day hun!
    Vanessa Key

  213. I loved reading this blog post! I'm glad you wrote your opinion on things and spoke out about how you feel! whenever I see your vlogs and videos I just see you as my friend and I always find it weird when your at conventions and there is thousands of other people that watch you just like me! I kind of forget that there is more than just me watching! I would so love to meet you one day and I kind of hope it's not at a convention so we can just have a chat not in a stressful, loud, busy environment! Anyways I'm rambling now! haha! I love you lots! xxx

  214. Zoe!
    What a lovely post! I can imagine how unreal and overwhelming this might feel. But I think all of you handle it so well. You asked for us to tell you stories of meet and greets, well here's mine.
    I attended Vidcon this past year as well as Digifest in NYC. At Vidcon the lines are ridiculously long and crazy. You are right, things are rushed and crazy and I didn't even get a chance to say anything to you because they were only allowing signings. And the person right behind me had gifts for all of you and therefore things moved really fast. (And the rushing and yelling security never helps.) You, Tanya and Louise were all so gracious though and I have good memories of it. Digifest however was a little different. It was still rushed, but this time I got to give you and all the boys a hug and tell you that I do love all of you and that I had also met you at Vidcon. I do remember you telling me "Thank you for coming!" And it was such a great time. (I am smiling just remembering.) Like you said, I do wish we all got more time with you guys so we could talk and just have a nice conversation. But that would ultimately take days with everyone in line. I guess all I can say is, thank you for everything you do. I know sometimes it gets hard, overwhelming and the haters don't help. But just remember there are so many people that are incredibly proud and happy for you even if we do only get 20 seconds of meeting you. We love you because you are so grounded and not for one second let your popularity get to your head. Any of you for that matter.

    With much love always,

  215. A very beautiful blog post, so honest, so true ! I think a lot of youtubers realize now what it is to have million of subscribers. I am french, and recently a french youtuber made a lot of meet&greet and said that it was crazy, and she was a little bit scared ! Girls were screaming, crying, and running all over the place.
    I read the comments and a lot of people are disappointed because they would like to talk to you, to spend time, and I understand that. Of course, it is impossible ! There is way too many people, and you and all the youtube band can't talk to each one of your subscribers. I guess that it is what happens when you are loved, somehow you become a celebrity, even if you don't really want this. All of the meet&greet must be very stressful for all you guys, stay strong, and enjoy what life gives you, be happy, be humble, smile and keep doing the things YOU like :)

    Margaux xx

  216. Great post, Zoe.
    I discovered the whole 'youtube' culture early last year and was sort of shocked about how your world is. I think the reason is because you are the first era of youtubers, you have had no guidance, wise words or input from someone whos already gone through all of it – you just have to take it all as it comes. I think the problem you need to address is peoples expectations on all of your lives. At the end of the day your a normal girl like all of us who has an incredible great volume of fans for doing something that makes you happy. I think when fans stalk you its definitely gone too far – it'll just provoke your anxiety more! Keep doing what you're doing and you'll have incredible memories out of it all. I wish you every success in the world as I understand how awful anxiety can be, but you're definitely making me see that I can turn it around just like you have!

    I wrote my own experience of anxiety over on my blog http://www.whatcharlottewore.blogspot.co.uk and I'd be grateful if you could read it… it takes allot to write something of that sort!

    Lots of love,

  217. Alice

    i wish you the very best in your life :-)


  218. Zoe you're an amazing person inside, outside and upside down! I really respect you and the fact you stay true to who you are, despite the many people who tell you otherwise and to be honest, I think that's why you've grown so popular to begin with. Never give up :) xxx


  219. Omg lovely Zoe,

    Sometimes i feel sorry for you, for your panic attacks, i hope Alfie helps you a lot. Luckily he is often with you on digests and stuff <3
    I love watching your videos and hopefully i meet you someday!

    Lots of love,


  220. We love you for being 'you'. :)

  221. Jolly

    This was an amazing blogpost. I could totally relate with your anxiety problems and it helps alot to know that somebody, who I admire and love knows where I'm coming from.
    I also want to say that I can't belive people are actually waiting for you outside your house :O That's INSANE and I hope they will stop that…
    But I want to wish you all the best and luck
    Lots of love!

  222. This is such a great post. I'm glad it's being addressed! I've never been to a meet up as I've seen in your videos the amount of screaming fans, and as amazing as it, I would definitely find it overwhelming and scary and that cant be anything close to the feeling you get knowing its all for you! It is shame that the meet ups can't be as simple as meeting new friends in a coffee shop or even a few more than that at a larger place but the youtube fan base is just so big now! I'd love to meet you, and ask you all about your blog and how you find so many ideas and inspiration but the idea of being in the middle of a crowd of thousands is more than a little scary so I don't think it will happen! If there could be a way of having smaller meet ups that would be amazing so hopefully that's something that you and your friends find a way to do one day!

    Also on the topic of you feeling like you should only do videos because of mean comments, your blog and your youtube channel is your job but it is also a hobby and it's your life you're putting on show. You should feel like you are able to share what you want, how you want. It's your experience so you should be free to do whatever you want! Mean comments seem to be inevitable with trolls these days but hopefully you'll find a way to look past them, focus on the good ones and do whatever makes you happy :)

    Love Amylou x

  223. You`re such a great writer AND youtuber! You`re a huge inspiration to me, and I hope you keep doing what you`re are doing as long as you`re enjoying it (sorry for my english, i`m from norway so… I`m not that good at writing in english.) You have to take all the opportunities you can!!! as long as you want to!! I`m just greatfull for you to be able to do all this stuff! And, if people say something else, they might just be jealous… and that`s true! I feel like i know you through your videoes and what you write! i hope you have felt the same way for someone else, because if not it might seem a bit creepy.. I wish I could meet you guys sometime, you guys seems like such an incredable and nice gang of friends!
    Never stop doing what you love!!! And just ignore the haters!! please!!

    Marthe xx

  224. I've been racking my brain trying to think of the perfect response to this heartfelt post. I think I'll start with this.

    When I watched your vlogs from Florida, I just felt proud. I have pretty bad anxiety (at times) also and every time you expressed that you weren't feeling well or that your friends said you were in bed, I could relate 100%. I've said no to really fun activities with my friends because of my stomach acting up, and the fear I'd get sick, although I never have in public before. I think I heard that's where your anxiety stems too, which is why I feel you're so much like me. ( I hate roller coasters also which has a lot to do with the fear, but that's another story haha)

    ANYWAY, I could go on and on about how I relate to you and how I wish we could be friends in real life because I don't have any in real life who understand my anxiety, but that's not the point of this post. The real point is that I wanted to thank you. And tell you that it's okay.

    Thank you because you've inspired me to do what I want to do in life without letting my anxiety overwhelm me. Which is what you're doing even though you don't feel like it sometimes. You look at it like a negative because you had to stay in your room one night instead of party; rather, you should look at it like you're conquering the anxiety and not letting it in by being on this journey at all. How easy would it have been to just say no to the whole experience and curl up in your bed where you don't have to worry about throwing up? Too easy. But you didn't. And that's a win. And you inspire me to win every day.

    That's why I think none of it matters in the end- you are winning. The rest of it all fades.

    I hope you read this post and you take it to heart, and next time you feel like the anxiety has bested you remember all the times you've conquered it, and know you can again.

    All the best :)

  225. When Louise did a video about 'Youtube Culture' I left her quite a long comment. That i'm gonna copy and paste bits here now:

    "First of all: I think people shouldn't idolize youtubers so much. Second: There are just too many people who go to the conventions. Too many fangirls, who like incite each other to scream louder. Third: I think it would be so much nicer if you could have like a proper Meet&Greet with a/some youtuber(s) in a group of like 15-20 viewers or something. And just chat about things you like for like 1-2 hours. That would be so great. I've never been to a convention. Because in my country there are only conventions for Dutch youtubers (I'm from the Netherlands). I would LOVE to meet my fave British and American youtubers, but I hope if there will ever be a convention in the Netherlands that British and American youtubers attend, that it won't be so massive and extremely loud and overwhelming. Because sometimes it scares me too, how viewers chase the youtubers, like they're famous popstars."

    What I want to add to this that suits the context of your post is, that I'm sometimes scared too. When I watch your videos, when you go to conventions, that freaks me out! All those screaming girls! I feel fear for you, because you're overloaded with screams and noise and it it very overwhelming, I imagine me standing there, I'd be shitting myself! But also fear for girls in those queues or audience who suffer with anxiety or claustrophobia. I neither have anxiety, nor claustrophobia. But just imagining I'd be standing there makes me anxious. I would LOVE to meet you and other youtubers, but I'm also scared. For the "big massiveness". (Not for you of course, haha!) But when I see viewers meeting you on the streets, unexpected, it's so much nicer and more "social". Like I said in my comment to Louise, I feel like those girls at conventions incite each other to scream louder and fangirl even harder. Sometimes I think: do those girls even realise that all the youtubers are just ordinary people like us, the viewers? Just boys and girls/ men and women who worked so hard to turn their hobby into their job. When I watch my favourite youtubers, I really feel like I'm just hanging out with them at that moment. It feels like we're friends. Even though we've never met. But the overall idea I get when I look at these massive audiences full of screaming/fangirling girls, is that they see you as extraordinary people, as people who are 'better' than themself. They put you in a higher 'caste'. But that is only in these massive audiences. I'm sure, that if all these people would meet you randomly on the street (alone, of course, not the whole audience haha), that they would be more 'social' and talk to you and also show more of who they are. In these meet&greets it's mostly like this: OMG HIII!! *hugs* *takes picture* *cries* *hugs again* and then it's time for the next person in the queue. It's so one-sided. At least, that's what i kinda experience from watching vlogs from conventions. (I've never experienced it myself, so I won't say that I'm absolutely right, of course!) (END OF FIRST PART)

  226. Zoe,
    I have never gone to a convention, I am probably never will. Paying that much money, standing around for half of a day, and going deaf from the screaming just to have a hug and a selfie with someone who is just like me seems a bit weird. Youtubers inspire me to go try new adventures, but I am do not have the misconception that Youtubers are somehow better than their viewers or that they are celebrities (although someday soon that may be the case for many of the Youtubers I watch). I absolutely LOVE that these people who work so hard are seeing the results and get to travel and have fun. BUT I think some of them need to consider whether they should continue to go to these conventions or not.
    The girls who go to the conventions are usually young, overexcitable, and have absolutely no boundaries. They do not treat the Youtubers like humans, but rather like gods. And that is scary. (I know not everyone who goes does that but the majority do). I have seen in recent blogs fans screaming in the streets, mobbing Youtubers while they are on a stroll, pounding on the windows of Youtubers' cars, and worse. I get scared and anxiety just watching it, I have no idea how the Youtubers handle it. I could go on and on about how crazy and messed up this is all getting.
    I miss the days of Youtube when these people had a couple thousand viewers, and they were not afraid of being silly, messing up, missing a vlog, or being so careful about what they say or do.
    Zoe if you take the time to read this one comment out of the thousands of comments, girl I have no idea what to tell you. Other than this: if you get anxiety from fans TELL THEM TO BACK THE FUCK OFF. Be honest. If they are your true fans they will pull back, apologize, and give you space. And if they get mad at you and throw a fit like a fucking child, the GOOD RIDDANCE TO THEM. You are better off without them. NO ONE has the right to you, you are a person NOT AN OBJECT. You do not have to share anything you don't want to, sign anything you don't want to, stop for a selfie when you are having a terrible day if you don't want to, Zoe you don't have to do anything you don't want to!! It is okay not to have it all together, you are a fucking person just like we are. It is okay to not be okay.


  227. Further I want to say, that you really changed my life. I never knew what I wanted to do with my life. I had no idea. Then I started watching youtube videos and reading blogs and I got so into the make up and girly stuff and I love it so much more than I ever thought I would! At some point I realised that I really wanted to try it out myself! I never really made videos, only once, it was a fan video for One Direction. I made it with my friends. We made our own video clip of Live While We're Young. I did the editing. And I loved it! I never thought I would love to edit a video haha! Usually I'm not really into the 'technical' side of things, but editing is really fun! Also, as you probably can tell, I love writing. I'm a very shy and quiet girl, most of the time when I'm not with friends. But my mind is soooo full. When I'm struggeling with things I always write it down. So in January I decided to start my own blog. To lift things of my chest and share stuff with other people about make up and beauty products, just because it seemed really fun to do. And I love doing this! And now I've also started a youtube channel with my friend, because it seems so fun and we want to try out new things. We don't mind if we only will get 50 subscribers. It's just so fun to do! And I really like it! It's because of you I realised/found out what I really like to do. And I wanna thank you for that! You are one of my faves, and we have a lot in common, so I understand you quite well (understand as in a 'i feel/understand what you feel'-way). You give me a lot of inspiration, make up-, fashion- and decoration-wise. You helped me saying 'yes' to things I usually would say 'no' to. But not only you, also the others: Joe, Tanya, Jim, Marcus, Alfie, Louise, Caspar, Tyler, Troye, Louis, Connor, Niomi. (and many others!) You guys make me so happy in times I feel sad or down. You can always put a smile on my face and I do consider you sort of as my friends. Because I can always rely on you to make me happy and give me inspiration and make me more secure about myself. So, I think it's time to end this comment, which is probably as long as your post on it's own haha! And I would like to and it with a massive virtual hug and a big THANK YOU kiss :)
    Lots of love,
    Lottie ♥

  228. Zoe, you are so cute. I loved reading this. Even I am not from England (I just study English for a few years), I caught every single word (in the right way as possible I hope). I really do love you, I will follow you no matter what. I wish you the best, do what makes YOU happy, and those people who are sending you bad comments, ignore them!!! You don't need them :-) Be that cheery person we know, you deserve it.

  229. I first found your channel through Meekakitty, when she did a response to your anxiety video, and I have loved your channel ever since. I go to school in Chicago to study Television and I have learned the business side of things. As a (hopefully) future television producer, I want to remain ethical. If there's one thing I've learned, however, it is that a lot of people are not and this is when exploitation happens. Myself and a friend went to Digifest in Chicago and we were easily the oldest people there, other than parents. And that's saying something because I'm only 20 years old. As we were waiting in line, girls were screaming and were about to explode out of pure excitement. We talked to some of them who were next to us and I noticed they started to agree with what we were saying and tried to act older once they found out how old we were. We were people they just met and they were already looking up to us! Not that I'm a bad person, but these girls should not be looking up to people who they don't know. I can't even imagine how they react to watching/seeing you. I was taken aback because I had no idea what to except with Digifest. Would it be a relaxed panel with a moderator where people got to ask questions? When we entered the theater I realized it was going to be more like a show. Companies who put together things like Digifest have seemed to exploit the growing popularity of YouTubers by having fans pay a ridiculous amount of money to just sit in the very back of the auditorium to see other fans perform the 3 minute make-up challenge on YouTubers and maybe if they're lucky they get into the meet and greet, which like you said only lasts for about 10 seconds. I hope this doesn't sound like I am hating on YouTubers… It's what others are doing to use their new found "fame" to their benefit. They see a potential new market/profit and cling to it. It is easy to forget that people on your screen are real people. It is why I have chosen to work behind the camera. YouTube has lost the essence of what it was, which was YOU. We can control what we put out to the world. We can control how we interact with others online. I hope it's not too late to take some of the control back. And if anyone actually read this… sorry.

  230. Nicole

    Wow loved it. You are such an amazing and lovely person and I'd love to meet you someday!

  231. I loved this blog post Zoe! I’m so glad you’ve voiced your opinion on all of these things! When I watch your vlogs and videos it feels like your my friend and I’m the only one watching and then when you vlog conventions or big meet ups and there is thousands of people there I realise I’m not the only one who watches! It feels so weird to me that so many people watch you! I would so love to meet you one day and I don’t really want to meet you at a convention because from what I can see from your vlogs they look really loud, stressful, busy and rushed! Anyways I'm rambling now! I love you! xxx

  232. Alice

    Zoe, I am very happy! I love your videos so much, and just seeing you in real would make anyone happy. You don't have to worry about letting us down. It's your life, live it how you want.

    Alice xoxo

  233. Hi Zoe, don't know if you will actually read this but I'll comment anyway haha. I actually attended DigiFest (though unfortunately didn't meet you) and have to agree 100% about the security thing. We were not treated like human beings and to be honest, as I'm a bit claustrophobic, it was a really bad experience not being able to see the ground or have personal space. Everyone was trying to get into the box office and they were letting like 10 people in at a time, then everyone started getting fed up and trying to push to the front. It took about an hour and a half of this to FINALLY get our tickets and go in. Onto a more positive note, it was so worth it. The atmosphere was incredible because everyone was as excited as I was to see all my favourite youtubers. This time it was in real life than just through a screen! The more I watch your videos, and your 'youtube family's' the more I just want to meet you all and be your friend. I can't explain what it is, but it's addictive to watch. You can't just watch one video without wanting more, and when you've seen them all, waiting for another one seems like forever. It must be really difficult and I can't imagine how overwhelming it must be for you to have so many viewers/fans. Just an idea but if you wanted to meet as many as possible I would do it gradually and make sure you're in control and not overwhelmed. Maybe do competitions for us to enter so we can properly meet you, not just a rushed hug and picture. It's your choice but it would be so much better to actually hang out with whoever wins the competition for a couple hours? Love you guys so much and sorry I wrote so much! xxx

  234. Eirene

    Zoe, you're an incredible inspiration to me! Don't let things and people let you down and keep doing what you love :)

  235. Ylva M

    I'm happy that you and other youtubers as Louis and Carrie are talking about this. Before we could just watch you talking on Youtube, we could watch your videos and enjoy those short minutes. But now it has become so much bigger, suddenly we can read about you in the magazines and that makes some of us confused. Are you celebrites now? Is it okay to scream when we meet you, is it okay to wait outside your houses? For me it's a no. I don't think anyone should have to handle that celebrity or not!
    I don't like to think about you youtubers as celebritys because that just makes me feel like you're so out of reach. I just like to watch your videos and think that you are absolutely normal humans. And that is what I like about Youtube.

    I don't know if you read this but I really appreciate all the work you put in those videos!
    Ylva xx

  236. What an amazing post! It must be so overwhelming for all of you. I totally agree with your opinion on this and believe that it is SO cool and important that you (and Louise, with her recent video) tell all of us about your experiences and feelings on this subject. Since we are the ones following you on your journey :) People have to understand that you are regular people that they shouldn't look up to, as if you are gods, but instead just learn of your experiences and choices you make. For instance, I love that you are so honest about your panic attacks, so that it becomes more of a "normal" thing to talk about for all of your viewers that also struggles with something alike. Keep up the good work and do more of these honest talks, so that people realize or get reminded that they should respect you and your privacy :)

  237. I love your honesty Zoe ! You are such an inspiration and I wish I could be as strong and independend and succesfull as you. Im going through a rough time right now and all I need is a true friend which i don't have. Watching your videos makes me smile. Im glad that you are happy, you have amazing friends and boyfriend ( Zalfie is my OTP :P). Although I haven't meet you yet (im from Poland) I hope that someday I will. You have to know that you are important for us- viewers and most of us prefer to meet you in "normal" situaction rather than at the meetups ( also because we know how the situations with security looks like). We understand that you have a normal life, and I would never creep outside your house, but honestly if I saw you in the shop I would absolutely come and say Hi and It would make my life If we could chat a little. I know that you are probably not reading this and sorry for my very long comment but I just had to say what I think ( its not all). At least there's not a 140 letters limit on your blog.
    All in all I wish i could have an amazing friend like you and those who are your friends are truly lucky. Love u so much <3 xoxo

  238. What an amazing post! It must be so overwhelming for all of you. I totally agree with your opinion on this and believe that it is SO cool and important that you (and Louise, with her recent video) tell all of us about your experiences and feelings on this subject. Since we are the ones following you on your journey :) People have to understand that you are regular people that they shouldn't look up to, as if you are gods, but instead just learn of your experiences and choices you make. For instance, I love that you are so honest about your panic attacks, so that it becomes more of a "normal" thing to talk about for all of your viewers that also struggles with something alike. Keep up the good work and do more of these honest talks, so that people realize or get reminded that they should respect you and your privacy :)

  239. Zoe! I just wanted to say, AMAZING blog post! I loved it! I wanted to let you know that you are one of the biggest role models in my life! I have panic attacks, not to often, but often. This made me not be able to do a lot of things, because I was scared I was gonna have one! I never told anyone about them (my parents knew) but after watching you video about anxiety and panic attacks, I felt like I could tell anyone about them! I ended up telling a lot of my friends, at first I was scared to but, you helped me realized to just say yes to things more often. So I said yes to telling them! I'm happy to say that they have all been very supportive with me and that when ever I have one, they always do their best to help me! Anyways, you're probably not gonna have time to read this, because your always so busy! Haha but if you do I wanted to say I love you, and Alfie, oh and Joe, yeah pretty much all your friends! I love you! Love, Kennedy

  240. I would love meeting you, but I live in Germany :(

    Will you ever come to Germany for a meetup? xx

  241. This is very touching! I love watching your videos and I sometimes feel like you are one of the celebrities that we cannot reach for, but I have to remind me that you are also a normal person who lives in England:) I somehow forget that you do not like to be regarded as a 'celebrity' or a special person who can do everything. Still, you have such a great personality and talent that makes a lot of people happy and inspired, so keep on doing what you are doing, and keep on encouraging people around the world! Love you!

  242. Holly

    This was so amazing to read, I actually got a little bit emotional while reading it haha! You are so lucky to be where you are today and have met the people that you have, I'd love to be where you are someday! I would definitely be as nervous as you are standing in front of all those people! I can't even imagine having thousands of people scream and cheer for me. I've never been to a meet up before but they sound crazy! I really admire you for all that you do Zoe, you are a true inspiration :)

    Holly xx
    holly la beau

  243. Hi Zoe and everyone else reading this! I try not to comment too much on videos, for whatever reason, but I just felt I needed to put down in words how I feel about this, as a viewer. Just trying to put in words how I, and maybe others, feel by just watching and never having met you or any other youtuber!

    I, sometimes, feel a little uncomfortable seeing all these crazy fangirls crying and screaming and waving and waiting in line for hours to meet one of you, don't get me wrong, I would love to meet you one day, but just a random walk-in on the streets or something. After watching Louise's video of the Youtube Culture, I totally understood how she could possibly feel at conventions.

    I don't think you are "just an ordinary, regular girl". You might have been before, and you maybe still think you are, but you are like a friend to us (me). I'm not a crazy teenage fangirl, me and Zoe are probably around the same age, but you are more like a friend than an idol, because you are so approachable. The people that watch you have the same interests or want to know more about your interests.

    I have anxiety as well, and I've read your blogpost about it, watched your video talking about it, and I felt like you could relate to me, instead of thinking 'OMG ZOE I TOTALLY GET YOU, WE ARE LIKE SISTERS' and whatnot.
    I think more people should just look at you as a friend and like Louise said, 'we' should not look at you or any other youtuber as our idols or as 'perfect'.
    Just sweet people we like and relate and enjoy watching and so on..

    I feel like i'm rambling and my sentences aren't even coherent..
    Anyway, if you agree, great, if not, well..

    If you feel like it, you could take a look at my blog
    Fun make-up fashion -y stuff



  244. Zoe! I just wanted to say, AMAZING blog post! I loved it! I wanted to let you know that you are one of the biggest role models in my life! I have panic attacks, not to often, but often. This made me not be able to do a lot of things, because I was scared I was gonna have one! I never told anyone about them (my parents knew) but after watching you video about anxiety and panic attacks, I felt like I could tell anyone about them! I ended up telling a lot of my friends, at first I was scared to but, you helped me realized to just say yes to things more often. So I said yes to telling them! I'm happy to say that they have all been very supportive with me and that when ever I have one, they always do their best to help me! Anyways, you're probably not gonna have time to read this, because your always so busy! Haha but if you do I wanted to say I love you, and Alfie, oh and Joe, yeah pretty much all your friends! I love you! Love, Kennedy

  245. This is such a great post. I'm glad it's being addressed! I've never been to a meet up as I've seen in your videos the amount of screaming fans, and as amazing as it, I would definitely find it overwhelming and scary and that cant be anything close to the feeling you get knowing its all for you! It is shame that the meet ups can't be as simple as meeting new friends in a coffee shop or even a few more than that at a larger place but the youtube fan base is just so big now! I'd love to meet you, and ask you all about your blog and how you find so many ideas and inspiration but the idea of being in the middle of a crowd of thousands is more than a little scary so I don't think it will happen! If there could be a way of having smaller meet ups that would be amazing so hopefully that's something that you and your friends find a way to do one day!

    Also on the topic of you feeling like you should only do videos because of mean comments, your blog and your youtube channel is your job but it is also a hobby and it's your life you're putting on show. You should feel like you are able to share what you want, how you want. It's your experience so you should be free to do whatever you want! Mean comments seem to be inevitable with trolls these days but hopefully you'll find a way to look past them, focus on the good ones and do whatever makes you happy :)

    Love Amylou x

  246. honestly this made me cry. I suffer from anxiety aswell and I can never go places because of it.

  247. Great post Zoe, you should be so proud of yourself! It all sounds pretty crazy, and I do agree that people need to remember that YouTubers and bloggers are human, just like the rest of us. Keep up the amazing work! :)

    http://ciarapocket.blogspot.ie x

  248. yeti

    This post reminds me that you're still true to yourself and this makes me very happy. It's sure You've changed. But everyone's changing accordingly to experiences and problems that life throws one's way. I suspect that struggles that You have to face now (I mean, after this 'youtube fame thing' ;)) might be much more demanding & stressful than You've got before.
    We know You quite well. At least, as well as You let us know You. I know that this shouting and squealing huge mass of girls might be overwhelming.. or scary. I'm aware that after some point in the Internet we're just numbers and bits. And it's OK. No one can know & keep in touch with thousands people (in Your situations even millions ;)). The thing is that this brief moment when somebody comes up to You is just manifestation: "Look Zoe, I'm not a bit, I'm a real person too." At least I feel like this. I hope someday I'll have opportunity to prove You that, I listen (or rather watch& read..) and I do care if You're happy & just OK.
    I sense too much pathos here.. Yep, it means it's time to finish :)
    I wish You all the best & if needed, i'll try to support You as much as I can.

  249. Ahhhh you're so adorable! I give you tons of props for you to keep doing what you're doing! You really inspire me to do bigger and better things. It was really brave of you to share your struggles with anxiety, and it inspires me to overcome my personal fears as well! You are amazing :)

  250. This is such a sweet, deep reflection Zoe, and I personally don't like meet-ups – obviously I know I get to meet the girl that made my life a lot easier dealing with panick attacks, however I would much prefer to have a deep conversation with you because I really do think we would get on. If there only there was another idea for a meet-up instead of it being all crazy and security based etc. I love you and all of your work and I inspire how far you have come! I mentioned previously how you helped me deal with my anxiety and panick attacks by knowing I'm not the only person in the world and watching your videos is one of my favourite things to do. I have sent so many tweets, emails and messages in the past and I find you've never replied and by no mean am I blaming you; I know how busy you are and how many messages you receive I just really love you and all of your lovely friends and you have really helped me so THANK YOU!

  251. I can relate to you so much <3 I think that is why everyone loves you its because you are so similar to alot of us dealing with anxiety and you are such an amazing role model and one day I hope to follow my dreams like you (as cheesy as that sounds) You honestly deserve all the love you get you are such an amazing person and one day in the future I would love to collab with you, although at the moment my anxiety only lets me blog as I am abit nervous at the moment to start a youtube but someday soon I will and you inspired me to start my blog <3 so thank you Zoe for being you <3 xxxxxxxxx


  252. Cams

    Those are powerful words, Zoe! Sometimes we (your fans, let's say) forget that you, and also the other guys, are normal people. Talking for myself, it'd be amazing to meet the beautiful girl who sits in front of a camera and talks about fashion and beauty but I know you're still an ordinary girl, because I'm one too.
    I don't know, it's really weird because this point of view is from a 'fan', I'm not living the madness, probably a good one, but I can't imagine how I'd be handling it if I was walking in your shoes. I just can say that I'll be supporting you and trying to cheer you up when you're feeling down and you share your feelings with us. And if sometime I meet you, I PROMISE I'll be as calm as I could to make you feel comfortable and not scare you!
    I love you so much, you're really important in my life even though you don't know me and I don't know you personally but make sure you're an especial person for me :) x


  253. I remember reading your blog back in the early days (think I first found it in the summer of 2009) and like you say, you were just a girl in her bedroom writing about beauty products just like the rest of the bloggers. But being "just a girl" is what has made you so successful. Those who are too arrogant about their success and what they do are not likeable. I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to walk into a room and have 5000 people screaming your name. Most would probably imagine it to be quite a positive experience but I can completely see that it would be weirdly overwhelming. I'm glad you've taken the time to write this as I've always been interested to know how you've felt about your success and the negative side that comes with it. As for girls waiting outside your house… that's just disrespectful on their part in my eyes! xx

    A Little Lucy

  254. I completely understand what you're talking about, i feel like youtubers really do just want to chat and talk to every person you possible can who supports you, but everything is so rushed and forced that you never get to do it, in your own time. I really hope you find ways to make meet ups more fun because i know you appreciate every person who has helped you become who you are today. Stay fab Zoe!
    love victoriajanexxx

  255. Love this post, you are an inspiration to bloggers!


  256. Joanne

    I would LOVE to meet you & your friends more than anything (so please consider visiting Poland ever maybe???) because you are really making me happy, I love watching videos and smile and laugh and even just looking at you, it makes me feel better about myself somehow since I'm suffering from anxiety as well, to the point where I guess I would be frightened to meet you and I wouldn't even go and then I would regret it for the rest of my life, haha. Anyway, I'm glad I found your channel and blog and I hope you'll keep doing this despite the negativity that comes with it, because you're right – at the end of the day it doesn't even matter. You're amazing Zoe and thank you for everything. Joanne.

  257. That is one of the best blog posts I have read. Well done Zoe it was something different and written so well!

  258. Hello, Zoe! I've been following you for moths now and you inspired me to do blogging again. I also get panic attacks when I overthink and I care a lot on what people think you of what I write or do. But you changed that. Keep on doing what you love to do. and continue being an inspiration to others! You are a very lovely person. :)


    P.S. I also have a blog. http://www.twodot-o.com

  259. Sarah

    I feel like this blog post came at the right time! It's crazy to me that some people consider YouTubers as famous and don't understand they're just normal people who happen to make videos on the internet. I've never been to a youtube convention or anything but they look so stressful in some of the Vlogs I've watched. I can't believe some people hassle you by ringing your doorbell!! Love you Zoe xx

  260. Can't imagine how you must feel but glad to know you feel overwhelmed and privileged at the same time. There are so many that moan about fame and forget about all the benefits they get out of it. For one ordinary girl, it must be a horror for you sometimes. But it's good to know you do appreciate that people are only screaming for you out of love and hugging you out of joy. Keep strong and don't ever let the negativity get you down. Rosemary x


  261. Heeelloo Zoe, to answer to your question: I was at your first meet up in Italy, in April, but unfortunately I didn't met you because there were too many people there, everyone pushed everyone, and the security was SO bad. I almost passed out, so I gave up, and I went out of the massive queue. And at the end I was SOOO sad that everyone one had a picture with except for me :( Anyway I love reading your posts! this last one is so lovely and so true, and is just so strange for us to know that you're just normal people, because you REALLY make my life HAPPIER, I feel less alone with you….you prob won't see this comment among all these others, but I LOVE YOU anyway <3

  262. This was a great post Zoe, it was a real eye opener to the reality of the situation. But can i just give my honest opinion and say that i think it's important that you make a video version of this as a larger audience would see it. I just think that there are a lot of young girls out there who get far too hyped up and dare I say obsessed with youtubers and celebrities in general. These people need a reality check. Like how you mentioned girls waiting outside your house, do their parents know what they are doing? Do they realise that what they are doing it borderline stalking. Don't get me wrong, it's ok to admire someone and really want to meet them, but there needs to be a limit. I think the problem has always been there with common celebrities, accept that they were not as accessible. Youtube fame comes from revealing your own personal life which was bound to eventually bring problems. Ok, sorry, rant over! :)

  263. Brina

    aw Zoe ! I can't even tell you how much I admire you. I saw your vlog where you told that u just had a panic attack at the air port and I was so surprised that you even told that to us ! It is true that you do vlog mostly your happy parts, but I think that is the reason people watch youtubers so they can kinda escape their own problems.It's really hard to remember that you are a human too, but this blog it's just a reminder and it makes me love you even more :) I do hope that one day you could enjoy meet and greats or whatever whole-hearted. :) xo from Finland :)

  264. Love this post. I must say I admire your braveness. When I was watching the video from digifest I thought to myself, I wouldn't survive there as a viewer, as a part of the crowd with all that screaming and people and everything.
    I really love your stuff and your optimism and big heart.

  265. I always think about this, and how I would feel if I was you, and I absolutely definitely would feel the exact same way. Whenever I see vlogs etc where you are meeting viewers and they are screaming at you, I find it quite strange because like you said, you're not a celebrity, you're just a normal girl. I think if I was you I would just want my viewers to treat me like a friend rather than screaming at me like I'm Beyonce or something haha. I think if I were to meet you I would want to have a chat with you like we were friends because that is kind of how I think of you Zoe, a lovely friend who i really admire. I think being a successful YouTuber seems like the perfect position, because obviously you have 'fans' but you're not a celebrity so are still able to lead a normal life. However, like you said, recently it seems that the fan base of YouTubers has grown which is making YouTubers appear more like celebrities which I think is why viewers nowadays react to meeting you in such ways (screaming etc). I totally agree that in all honestly I wouldn't really like that very much – being screamed at – however I would appreciate that it is just viewers showing their support, which I know you appreciate too, so I understand it would be difficult to address the 'issue' without sounding like you are complaining. I know how grateful you are for the love and support you receive from your viewers. So yeah, totally agree. I hope that made sense haha! I'm so glad you made this blog post. It was great :) love you Zoe xx

  266. Hi Zoe, this is such a beautiful post. I 100% agree with what you're saying and will most definitely support you no matter what. Just remember that you're beautiful inside and out and don't forget that! I also suffer from anxiety and understand how you feel. You're truly an inspiration and have made me so much more confident.
    Love you.

    Gabby xxx

  267. Zoe you are so amazing! I could never imagine being able to do half the things you do as I suffer with anxiety as well. I really love the saying those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind and I must say it has given me more confidence recently! I can't really put into words what an inspiration you are and how much you have helped people like me with anxiety to see that we can do amazing things. I would also like to say on behalf of my best friend you have helped her massively too! So thank you :) p.s. I hope people read this and don't wait outside your house anymore because that is a tad too far!

    El xx

  268. Astrid

    I love how sweet and humble you are. I can, and at the same time can't, understand how overwhelming this all must be for you. I really hope you can enjoy all the awesome things you get to do, because you deserve it. You're a blessing to watch. :)

  269. I watched Louise's video which was roughly the same… it is hard to remember that you are a normal person sometimes, but seriously… people wait for you outside your house!? I don't know how I would react to that, especially if I lived alone.

    It is lovely of you to make sure other people are okay though, I mean there a lot of people out there that have let it go to their heads.

    Alice xxx

  270. i love you Zoe, i feel like i will never be able to meet you, because i hate crowds and the noise and i get really stressed when i am in situations like that. I want you to be happy, so you go at your own pace and all of us will follow, . i am so proud of you <3

  271. Love this and people can see the real you and still love you for it <3

  272. Loved reading this post and the fact that Louise made a video about the 'YouTube Culture.' After watching various vlogs from both Digifest and ITAtube I did have to stop and wonder why all these people are screaming at you and the rest of the YouTube gang. Obviously it's to show support (because otherwise they wouldn't be there) but if I ever went to a YouTube convention I would much rather be able to chat to the people I subscribe to because they seem more like friends than celebrities.

    It's really interesting to hear your view and see how it's affected you as well as the portion of your audience that probably wouldn't scream if they saw you in the street.. but then again, maybe that's to do with the age range of the YouTube community and I think that the majority of the older audience will be able to appreciate the fact that you are a normal person who deserves their time and space.

    At the end of the day though, your audience support you and are proud of where you have come. Hopefully in the future these conventions can be made more friendly to accommodate for the friendliness of the community. :)

  273. Loved this post! I think a lot of people think YouTubers lives are a bed of roses, they see the good bits. They see you at amazing events, happy times you are happy to film. I think people forget that you are all normal people, you have bad days, you have days where you sit in your PJs watching crappy TV, eating ben and jerrys until you feel sick.

    The influence YTers like yourself have over your audience is immense. The number of people who look up to you, watch your videos as an escape or even see you as a friend, it's amazing.

    You are a normal person presented with an amazing opportunity, you work hard like anyone else does in any other job. Thanks for being my escape and I suppose friend since 2011 when I found your corner of the internet.



  274. Wow! Such a great post Zoe! You are amazing. x

  275. everyone who watches your videos loves you Zoe, you are so brave and so Normal its amazing to have someone to look up to that isn't in in for the fame, you Louise and Tan are my favourite youtubers because you are so down to earth!! xxx

  276. I really like this post. I think you are a very nice person that doesn't get to much in to fame. Im so happy for you. You deserve all this! I have seen all of your videos and you always make me feel happy :) everytime I get a notification sayng that Zoella has made another video I get so excited! Thank you for being who you are and for being honest and explain to us what you feel. We are here to support you no matter what. Love you xxxxxx

  277. Weido

    That's what I love about you Zoe. You're honest, real, open about how you feel, you do things because of others and that is wonderful. Keep up the good work. All of what happen in your life is what you earned. You work hard to present good content and the job doesn't go by unnoticed.
    Keep your head up Zoe! Lots of love!

  278. I love how honest you are about all these things, I think it is amazing because it shows us a new perspective on things and by being so honest you help so many people!


  279. wauw,
    I think your really brave and amazing
    Your a big inspiration for a lot of people, and that is so beautiful.
    I Love your videos, and your adventures. I love that you show a part of your life with us. But still keep some things to yourself. I think thats a really good thing. You're just an amazing youtuber. and from what I see in your videos, or read in your post your an amazing person too.
    lots of love.

  280. Dear Zoe,
    I think you did a really great job by putting up this blog post. The other day I was thinking about YouTube celebrity culture (based on a lot of vlogs I saw, people screaming etc.), and at that time Louise put up her video about this topic. It's a good thing that you make your viewers aware of how you experience meetings.

    I love your videos and blogposts so so so much, please continue to make such good content and stay true to yourself, your true viewers/readers will always support you =)

    Much love from Holland

  281. I love you so much Zoe, you are my favourite you-tuber.. ever! I can fully understand what you mean here, it's okay to feel like this you are just human after all :) I really hope things get better for you and your anxiety calms down. I love all of your video's and blog's you are such an inspirational person! Never take any notice of the negative comments you receive because people will be jealous of how successful you are and some people are just very rude and heartless! You don't deserve anything like that, never listen to them! Go and follow your dreams, you deserve it. :)


  282. Great post Zoe!! I have never myself been to a meet and great just purely down to my anxiety and panic attacks, and also my inability to stand in a queue with screaming girls (and boys, how stereotypical of me…) without having a panic attack due to my claustrophobia. Then obviously, the anxiety will kick in pretty much as soon as I leave the house and I will just be all over the place!! I think it would just be great if there was just multiple little get-togethers almost but I highly doubt it will happen with all your busy lifestyles haha!! :)

  283. Zoe, you are truly amazing! I think of you as my best friend even though you don't know who I am. You're so inspiring and I don't know what I would do without your videos <3 love you so much x

  284. This post was very very nice to read and really awesome of you to write. Not many of us have an opportunity to find out how you feel and what you think about all of this stuff that are going on right now in your life. I really appreciate what you do and that you're so brave! I'm proud of you! If I were to meet you I'd cry, hug you and say that I love your videos, your sense of humour and many many other stuff :) I love you and I wish you'll meet only awesome people in your life, see only wonderful places and experience only amazing stuff ;) And remember that you DESERVE all this things that happened\are happening to you. I really think so. Once again.
    Kisses and hugs Z. (hope you'll read this + sorry for my mistakes in english)


  285. A lot of that sounds quite scary, I don't think anyone would want people waiting outside their house.. Just remember 80% of us aren't screamers, we just like to sit and watch your videos after a long day with a cup of tea :) xxx


  286. Miri

    Loved this. I can only imagine how crazy everything must be for you and alle the others. Just thinking about it makes me realize that something like that can't be "accepted" from one day to another. Realizing that your own life has changed so much from what it used to be. that isn't easy. Especially if one suffers from anxiety. I do suffer from it as well and it is so nice to hear that there are other people that go through the same. And seeing that they and your are not giving up,is so inspiring. I hope that you'll always find the strength to keep on going, to take a step further and most of all to be happy. That's what I have learnt, although life can be tough,hard or confusing sometimes, there is always something that makes it worth it. That might be friends you can laugh with,family that supports you- no matter what, new opportunities that show us that not giving up always pays off or just a smile from a stranger. That's what I always remember. It's okay to be afraid sometimes, to get overwhelmed by stuff, we are all humans with fears and feelings. As long as you are happy with how you do things, in your own pace you don't need to faster.

  287. Totally agree with this x

  288. Katy

    I feel sorry for you sometimes Zoe. Even though you have had some incredible experiences and you get the opportunity to do a hell of a lot of fun things I sometimes look at vlogs of youtube conventions (Digifest is a prime example) and feel that people screaming at you is not what you want. Having watched youtube since 2008 I have watched it grow into this crazy 'fandom' and I'm not sure if I like that. All the youtubers I know well really just want to sit around a table with a few people who enjoy their videos and chat and laugh and act like normal friends.
    I do think it is the much younger audience of Youtube these days that has elevated certain people up onto pedestals which is totally wrong as it is meant to be a community of equals (a refreshing change from celebrity culture) rather than a god/worshipper set up which I can see it sliding into everyday. Younger people tend not to understand that screaming and shouting at Youtubers is not a way to get there attention. You don't need to stand outside someones door to force them to talk to you (celebrities and youtubers alike) and personally I think that shows an extreme lack of respect for you by a select group of people.


  289. Hey Zoe
    I work for a very large security company and would just like to let you know that it is not reasonable for any member of security staff to be unfriendly or unaccommodating unless they have a real reason to be. If you find that staff are being unreasonable or have an unfriendly demeanor make contact with their supervisor or manager because it is not acceptable. It makes me very sad that some safety security staff are out there giving us all a bad reputation

    I love your videos and think your an inspiration in so many ways


  290. Hi Zoe! I truly agree with you in that I think it is awesome that they have these events so we can meet you guys, but I also think that there has to be a way that we can meet you safely, but also not be rushed. I like to talk with you guys, more than just take a picture and get a hug. (Don't get me wrong, I love that!) I want to meet you in person, and with that I think comes talking for a few minutes, not just for 10 seconds. I also don't think that people should get shut out, but I don't want you guys to have to wait for so long. I love meeting you guys, but there has to be a better way of doing it. I also think we as viewers forget that you were kids and teenagers just like us, and weren't always Youtubers. I think that it is awesome that YouTube has blown up like this, but with that comes a lot of challenges. I was watching Louise's video the other day too, and I think she said a lot that was important too. You guys are just normal people that just happen to have millions of people watch your videos. I love so many youtubers, and I love to meet you guys, but when people sit outside your house, I think it has gone too far. Of course you are going to have fans, because you are amazing ;), but we need to come up with a better idea of how to meet you, and not have it get out of hand! I love you Zoe, and I think you are beautiful and fun, so I hope you don't take any of those mean comments to heart! <3

  291. Wow Zoe I think you are absolutely amazing. I just want to say that I owe you so much in my life. There have been so many times when I've felt so alone and unloved and I watch one of your videos and even though I don't know you, you can instantly make me feel happier. I can't explain it, but there must be so many people you have helped just by being you and I think that is the greatest achievement.
    Thank you so much for making me laugh when all I want to do is shut myself in my room and never come out. You're my rock. I know it's cheesey but it's true, so thank you :)

  292. Hi there Zoe. I'm a Psychology undergraduate and next year I get conduct my own Psychological experiment on whatever I want. I'm really interested in how completely 'normal' girls, like yourself, can become hugely famous to the point of as you said, having screaming girls at their door! Not to say you don't deserve the fame, your vlogs are interesting and you are a lovely girl, but none the less most celebrities have specific talents (again not saying you don't have talent, please don't take offence by this!!) Also, a lot of celebrities have a huge helping hand to fame, where you did it yourself, noone helped you. I am thinking of showing a video to participants, one where they think the vlogger is 'youtube famous' and one where they think the individual is just an ordinary girl and comparing their ratings of the person. I want to see if just knowing someone has a lot of followers/subscribers can make you see them as this amazing person, hence the crazy reactions you get.

    This post and Louise's recent video inspired me to think about this. Also taking my little cousin to Brighton and her going mental incase she saw you! I think a lot of girls see you as a celebrity, but they can relate more to you. Not every girl can see themselves growing up to be Miley Cyrus, but a lot of girls could think 'hey I can make a blog like Zoella.' Would be interesting to have your insight to this! x

  293. These blog posts are my favorite. I like that you were able to open up and confide you thoughts in us. Thank you. :)

  294. I'm glad you decided to share this with us. It's hard to adapt to the culture that comes with the youtube community. I cringe every time I see people screaming at youtubers, but at the same time I can relate to the feeling of finally meeting someone you look up to. I think youtube conventions should center around doing events that instead of putting youtubers as celebrities that go on stage and sign stuff, they lead fun activities where everyone gets to do something fun all at once (like games and stuff). Queuing for hours to take a picture or just attending a live Q&A just don't seem to be the best way to celebrate the youtube community.

  295. I understand that you may get overwhelmed by people screaming and acting 'crazy' when you go to conventions, But then this may come across as slightly ungrateful to those who go, though you obviously didnt mean it to come across that way. Yet YT is your JOB and there is no denying that it has created your success. Don't see this as me 'having a go' but for more as something to think about. firstly if you really respect your subscribers and say you are not a celebrity, then refuse to go to conventions where people are herded like animals to see you, i mean are we really so beneath you? also why make people pay… Secondly unlike celebrities, you are almost asking people to want to know about every aspect of you life, you VLOG it, don't expect to get money for showing your life in vlogs and then complain when people are curious about it, you can't have it both ways! though i doubt this will be seen by you or it will probably be removed because i havent just written 'i love you so much' again this isnt meant to be mean just some thoughts on the culture of YT

  296. What a great post :) I am honestly so happy for you because you're happy in your life and at the end of the day that's the most important thing. You really shouldn't mind those who think that things are not going the way they expected them to go and make the most of the opportunities that you get. Because anyone would do it! Don't feel bad for being where you are and doing something you love as your job, you've worked hard to get here. Over the years of work and commitment to youtube and your blog you've build an audience that enjoys watching and reading your stuff :) And I do think that lately the conventions you guys are going to and youtube in general has become huge and some people quickly forget that at the end of the day you're just a normal girl, a human. So I think it's not ok for them that they wait for you in front of your house. I do understand that they really want to meet you but there are some boundaries. You show us a part of your life you want and that we should be grateful for that and not trying to see the part you want to keep private. Because you're in no way obligated to us and to allow us to see what we do is so much more than any of us would do. So just stay true to yourself, do what you love to do and be happy :) Looking forward to seeing what 2014 has in store for you :)

    Thank you so much for this post :)

    Polona :) xx

  297. Thank you for sharing that with us Zoe! I have never been to a youtube gathering or anything for the pure reason that it seems very hectic!! So something else would be great! and I can see why you feel this way as you are just a ''normal'' person like the rest of us :) I just love your videos Zoe! :) Hope your okay! :)

  298. maybe it's that british stiff upper lip, ;) but you always come across as so composed, confident and polished. as someone who struggles with anxiety, i cannot imagine how much of an impact all this must make, and i'm further impressed by how incredibly well you shield the audience from any inner turmoil you might experience from time tot time. i'll admit here and there i've had a dream i met you and louise for froyo and shopping, because i so look forward to your videos, but seeing people cheer and cry (more than a thousand at once!) is intense. thanks for sharing, and SO excited for this mysterious new phase in your life! congrats and good luck!

    <3 your fan angela

  299. Wow, reading this… I can't explain how it made me feel. Hearing how you feel, your anxiety and how overwhelmed you get, it reminds me of myself and I think so many others will feel that too. I love how relatable you are and how honest you are it's so refreshing.
    I started watching youtube early last year and I've watched everyone of your videos since I love them. Your videos make me smile and brighten up my day. Since I began watching your videos, it's shocking to see how crazy it's gotten and how big the YouTube world is getting, and that's just in one year. I can't imaging how that would feel.

    What you've done, changing your hobby into a career, doing what you love full time, it's amazing. I can only hope that one day I will be just as lucky, that I can do what I love…x lian.

  300. This is why I love you Zoe. You admit you are not perfect and certainly don't take your amazing career and life for granted – you work so hard and definitely deserve the popularity you have. You should be so proud of what you have achieved. I love watching your videos and reading your blog posts. You always brighten up my day and your videos have helped me through a lot and taught me very valuable lessons, like to just say yes! People (including me) just need to remember that you are a normal person too and it must be so overwhelming for you, which just isn't fair. Thank you for making my life a little brighter – keep doing what you're doing and people will continue to love you for who you are and the fact that you are just a normal girl like the rest of us.
    Love Polly xxxx

  301. Your amazing Zoe! And everyone has there issue, nobody is perfect :)
    You are doing it amazing

  302. Mirjam

    It's so good that you're honest about this, as we do get one side of you most of the time. It's important for us to be reminded of the fact that you're human, like us. Which is in a way also inspiring, just as inspiring as your videos and stuff. You do make me really very happy, and I hope I can somehow also contribute to your and others happiness :)

  303. Hi I got diagnosed with anxiety earlier this year I also have hade depression since the age 10 I am now 12 and I self halm nobody knows about it till yesterday Tuesday my crush gave me his headphones in music and I hade forgot about the scars on my arm so I whent and got it and he grabbed my arm and said why have you got marks on your arm and I replyed my friends dog scratched me he could tell I was lieing and asked to see my other arm I refused at first and then he said he would have to get sir if I don't let him see my arm so I let him see and he said why do you do this to your self your perfect and made me promise never to do it again and he would be there for me later on in that day he asked my best friend out that made me cry for days and now I'm cutting again and have trust issues your probley wondering what has this got to do with anything when I watch your videos I just forget about my scars my depretion my anxiety I just go into my own little bubble and smilie

  304. I've been watching YouTube for a few years now and it's absolutely crazy how popular they have gotten recently. I'm so proud of you Zoe and I really mean it when I say that you have changed my life! Love you so much xxxxx

  305. I really enjoyed reading this post Zoe! I've never been to a YouTube convention/meet up before and although it seems like a good way to meet my favourite youtubers, the whole situation with security and only having a short amount of time and the hassle seems like a bit to much. As much as I love watching your videos, reading your blog and everything else, I always remember that you and all the other youtubers are normal people, just like me. You seem to handle this in such a good way, don't worry about the negativity and focus on the amazing amount of people that love you!

  306. I've had a lot of thoughts about this kind of thing, I'm obviously not a part of it in the way that you are and it does make me wonder how you handle it so thank you for sharing this.
    I find it bizarre how 'Youtuber fame' has become a thing that is acknowledged out in the real world and not just online. I used to watch a lot of Youtubers when I was in school and I'd occasionally mention it to people and they'd be all "what are you talking about?!" and now, 4-5 years later, it's all people are talking about!
    I certainly don't think I would be able to manage if I were in your shoes. I'm a very shy person and even writing and sharing a blog is scary for me so I do think you're very brave and it's understandable why so many young girls look up to you. You're actually part of the reason I started my blog, so thank you!

    Blog: Holly Sparkle | Shop: Sparkle Motion

  307. I've been watching YouTube for a few years now and it's absolutely crazy how popular they have gotten recently. I'm so proud of you Zoe and I really mean it when I say that you have changed my life! Love you so much xxxxx

  308. Really glad you addresses this post Zoe! Honestly don't understand how you remain so calm and happy in front of your audiences! I watch your videos and read your blog and cannot wait for you to upload again! I wish I had the opportunity to meet you myself but sadly it may not happen! Keep strong and doing what you love!

    El xx

  309. I have been watching youtubers for a few years now, and its so crazy how popular they have gotten recently. I'm so proud of you Zoe and I really mean it when I say that you have changed my life! Thankyou so much, love you xxxxxx

  310. I've read your blog for many years and followed your videos since the beginning and in my opinion your appeal is that you are just "normal." I enjoy watching and reading about you. Yes the things you do now have gotten a lot more exciting but I still think you're the same person that I wanted to watch and read about years ago, that you are now.
    I much prefer popular YouTubers over Celebrities as like you've proved in this post, no matter how popular they get they always stay rooted.

    Katie | http://grazingpagesthefamily.blogspot.co.uk/

  311. This is very touching Zoe, and I truly appreciate the fact that you are not afraid to talk about your anxiety and panic attacks, as it can really help other people. You said that 'we' are the most important, which is very lovely, but I must say that I don't necessary agree with it. Zoe, you and your wellbeing is the most important thing; therefore you shouldn't feel bad if you are unable to see/talk to your viewers, or make to a meet-up etc,. It is really fine to take time off to relax and reflect, especially if you are leaving a very busy life style. Please take care :)

  312. I have been watching youtubers for a few years now, and its so crazy how popular they have got recently. I'm so proud of you Zoe and I really mean it when I say that you have changed my life! Thank you so much for sharing your amazing personality with all of us, love you xxxxxx

  313. Patsy

    It's very nice of you that you cherish your audience enough to share things like that with us. I find that some people just forget that behind camera the audience is also the people :). Love you Zoella and I wish you the best!

  314. I may or may not have shed a tear whilst reading this.. First of all, I'm so sorry for you. No one should be afraid of leaving their house and just reading that there are people who are actually stalking you (because that's what ringing stranger's doorbells and waiting for them to come out is) makes me mad! Whilst I do think you deserve all the hype and lovely comments and loyal fans, you don't deserve this strange feeling. I have never been to a meetup and most likely won't attend one in the future just because it scares the hell out of me. I really really like you and your videos (and everything you do basically) though and think you should be proud of yourself. You're handling things amazingly well which is really inspirational to me and a lot of others I guess. I understand that most of your followers are really young which I think is the reason it sometimes gets out of hand..I just wish you could enjoy life even more. I've been following your blog and YT for three years now and it's insane how much things have changed and although I don't know you, I'm really proud of you and I'm really thankful for everything you're sharing with us. Hope you and Louise (and everyone else being confused) find a way to be 100% happy :) Lots of love and sorry for the mammoth comment x

  315. This was a great post Zoe. It's kind of weird for me to even post a comment, I mean, you don't know me and I don't know you. I read lots of your posts and seen lots of your videos, you are like we say in French "un rayon de soleil". You're always so smiley and enthusiastic and I certainly don't want you to lose that because of some people. I'm dealing with anxiety myself and I know how difficult it can be… Sometimes even meeting your closest friends is hard. You cannot do much about that but fight yourself. I can only imagine how you must be fighting a lot sometimes for being able to be in crowds like you do !! I respect and admire you a lot for this. You sometimes seems so tiny and fragile but you have a bunch of friends who all seem adorable and amazing so I'm sure it's going to be easier and easier. Even if it's sometimes overwhelming, one day you're going to wake up and all your fears will disappear because I'm pretty sure you're a strong woman in the inside and that will come out ! Dealing with panic attacks isn't great but it shouldn't stop you from doing what you want to do, live your life Zoe, people do need to learn that there are limits, you're a human and you want your tranquility, it's not because they see you on youtube or they read you that you belong to them. You only belong to yourself and I hope you're keep doing as well as you're doing, cause girl, you're doing SO GREAT !

    Don't ever doubt that you have an impact on our life because you do ! And don't worry about not being able to meet everyone, you're already giving so much to us, I don't really know how you could more!

    Keep going, keep enjoying what you're doing and we'll keep watching and reading you !

    Clémentine xx
    (Sorry about all the mistakes, but I have two good excuses : first of all, I'm one of your many readers/viewers from France and it's not that easy for me to write in English and second of all your post really touched me so I'm kind of emotional right now haha)

  316. Zoe, i just really like when you say all these things because it just helps me so much, im 14 and im portuguese my life is a mess, and people tend to say teenagers make this a big deal but my life is really a mess and sometimes i dont know which path to chose and it scares the heel out of me to chose the wrong one, im so afraid of my choices that i dont make them, right now i dont know where to go, im so lost and reading and seeing you here or on Youtube makes me feel so good and it just helps me so much because i know the girl i look up to as the same problems as me and it feels so good not to be the only one i've had panic attacks and im so scared of it, you help me getting through all this, even if you dont know you do, i just want to say thank you. i hope one day i can meet you or it'll just be good if you read this, much love and keep doing what you love because i love it too. :) Pipa xoxo

  317. I loved this post Zoe, I'm really glad that you still consider this a hobby and not just a job. I do think a lot of people need to realize that you and the other youtubers are just normal people, just like us but you have had different opportunities and I think that goes for a lot of celebs too! I can't imagine going to town and being recognized so I can't imagine how you feel! It must be crazy! I really like chatty posts to be honest. Thanks for always making my day a little bit brighter!! xx


  318. This blog post was so sweet/inspiring Zoe xx

  319. Lära

    I really like this post and also Louise's video about YouTube celebrity culture. I can tell for myself I love your blog and videos but I would never spend that much money and time just to get a short hug and a photo. It would be so much better to meet you and the other YouTubers for a real face-to-face-chat. Of course, this is never going to work! :P
    I never knew there are people sitting in front of you house or ringing your doorbell! This is definitly going too far..!
    Unbelieveable how you deal with these things! I remember your brothers video where viewers called him (Or did he call them? I don't remember :D) and like 10 girls started crying and screaming instead of just use the opportunity and talk to Joe! Of course I can't imagine how that must feel but I think I would freak out. In my opinion you're a really strong person to deal with all this and having anxiety! Please keep doing what you're doing and I hope more people realise where the boundries are!
    So I don't think you'll ever read this (because there are soooo many comments and maybe you won't have time for this..) but I have to say: I really like the person Zoella! I can't say I 'love' you or even 'Zoe' because I think I don't know you in person. I just know what you want to share with the internet. But that's absolutely okay!
    In addition for me it would be creepy if a person I don't know says she 'loves me'. Even to know that there are people who know you quite well but you don't know them or never going to meet them would really scare me.
    Eeer, okay.. Like I said, keep doing what you're doing ;)

  320. Enjoyed this post, Zoe! Personally, as an older subscriber (I'm 20), which really isn't that old, but it may be compared to a majority of your audience…I find the youtubers I watch come across in a way, as kind of friends- obviously not in the normal sense. The parts of your lives you and other youtubers share helps us viewers get to know you better and know you in a bigger sense like when friends share stories about their lives. What I see with many younger viewers is that they completely idolize the youtube community. I'm not saying that this is wrong, because you are good people. I feel like the idolization partially comes from the age difference, I'm guessing most of the people who watch are in their mid-early teens and need someone to look up to. This may change as the audience matures and grows. I use youtube as a way to relax and enjoy watching my favorite youtuber's content as much as the next but at the end of the day, you all are, or seem to be normal people to me and that is how I like to view it.

  321. "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" – my favourite part of this insanely moving blog post!

    I respect you so much for writing this, Zoe. It must have been really hard to get it all down on paper (or screen). Sometimes, as viewers, it is hard to remember that you're a normal person living a normal life and it's so important for us to do just that – to let you LIVE a normal life.

    You were my first subscription and you will be the last person I stop watching. You create amazingly entertaining content and I wish you every success in the future.

    Lots of love, Hannah xxx

  322. Hello Zoe, my name's Linda, I'm 18 and I was one of your first million subscribers. I was there when you reached that goal, was happy for you as I would have been for one of my best friends, and I remember when watching your '1 million subscribers video' thinking with nostalgia that most of those clips where also my memories, as I like to think I kinda learnt to know you through your videos. Then things went a little crazy. More and more people joined the YouTube community, and even though it felt good in a way because I think you deserve all the success and attention you've got recently, on the other hand it just didn't feel right because I felt like it wasn't how it was supposed to be. I mean, YouTube is not tv, YouTubers are not superstars, they are people like us, that search for Mac dupes as original products are so bloody expensive or prefer a Primark shirt to a designer one, and this is why I loved it so much.

    Don't get me wrong, I still love YouTube, I still love you and enjoy watching your videos, but I feel like something got lost. The genuine normal girl to normal girl relationship you could build before via YouTube, a social network in which you could also meet your best friend, is now more a fan-cleebrity kinda thing and I know there's anything you or other YouTubers can do about it. I know it's not your fault if you can't answer all the comments or all the tweets like other 'smaller' YouTubers do, and I know you probably hate that.

    I went to ItaTube a few weeks ago and I had the pleasure to meet you at a m&g. You told me you liked my hair, I hugged you and it was all very nice and cute, but it lasted something like 10 seconds. I hardly got the time to say 'hi' to Tan and Louise before they dragged me out because you had to hug-smile for a picture-bye another girl. Again, I know it's not your fault, but I can't help and agree 100% with what you wrote up there about not being able to sit and chat anymore with your viewers.

    I look up to you, Zoe, but not as I look up to a singer or a celebrity. I look up to you as I would look up to a friend. I know you're incredibly pretty, you have the best metabolism in the world (even though you may hate it) and you are good at almost everything, but I also know you have flaws: I know you have anxiety, I know you have dark circles that you would do anything to cover, that you hate your legs and that you were scared of wearing bright lipsticks, and I know those things not because I'm a stalker or anything like that, but because I've been watching your videos for a very long time and I've seen you getting through all of that, wondering about keeping your fringe or not, getting brave enough to wear not only long skirts and, most of all, I've seen you growing. I've seen you growing and I've grown with you. You have no idea of how much you helped me with your 'Just Say Yes' video and things like that, you've helped me getting out of my shell and doing things I've never thought I'd be able to do, and you've been able to do this right because you are an ordinary girl, because I told myself 'if she can do it, I can do it' and so yeah, now my life is 10 times better also thanks to you.


  323. People don't actually realise how much of your life and privacy go into being a full time blogger. So much respect goes out to you Zoe! It must so difficult to keep up with the excitement

  324. It seems weird to me that you are famous for this, so it must be even weirder for you. I never thought that youtube and blogging and stuff even had this side to it but apparently it does! In a way it ruins it a bit because people turn into 'celebrities' in the eyes of some people and that feeling of community is lost and it turns into a blog or youtuber with a following rather than it being an equal thing. It must be so amazing to have this as your career but it's so weird that people actually scream when they see you and wait outside your house. It's so weird and the fact that people actually ring your doorbell is so rude and I am shocked that there are people who would actually do that. Anyway, it's great that you've come such a long way and you are an inspiration to many, I guess sometimes things are really overwhelming but to have a hobby for a career is so so so lucky<3

  325. Zoe you really are an inspiration, watching you while you achieve so much, going on great adventures really do make my day. This post brought a tear to my eye & I'm going to start saying YES to more & am going to be more adventurous, be brave & put myself out there. I'm pretty sure im a Youtube Addict, and you were the first youtuber i watched, and have enjoyed your videos since day 1, they're funny, and just generally enjoyable, never stop what your doing, YOU ARE DOING GREAT.
    your an inspiration to us all and to me you inspired me to start my own youtube channel, please would you check it out? https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC92mujgs_qwG8AQmDhF5-3A
    Thanks zoe,ly ell ( twitter: @ellierodway)

  326. I think this post was great at getting your point across, Zoe. Most people nowadays have been forgetting that 'famous' people are actually real people and do feel the same things anybody else would. That includes the panic, upset as well as the happiness. There are so many people out there that are there trying to meet you because of you, but also people who are there to meet you because you are another 'famous' figure and this post should bring those people back down to earth and show them you aren't just dolls.
    Thank you for your determination over the years, we really do appreciate it, we love you for you. Just carry on doing what you're doing, there's nothing better than that!
    We truly do love you!

    Megan x

  327. Reading this brought a tear to my eye.. I have myself been getting very anxious lately and pull away from certin situations. and its a horrible feeling I get panic attacks some times and I wouldnt wish them on anyone….. I can only imagin how anxious you get with ur the croweds of people…teenagers have gone completely mad for you and ur your youtube friends and I dont blame them but I really do think that they do forget that you are just as normal as them and they take things a bit too far….. I love your blog and youtube channel. You seem like such a lovely funny bubbly girl and I think ur are a very brave person to share what you just said with us its not an easy thing to do… i wish u all the best with every thing you do..
    luv shelly xxx

  328. So this is what I'd wanted to tell you at ItaTube, this and your opinion whether I should've bought or not the new YSL Kiss&Blush (I did). And I wanted to compliment with you because you were wearing shorts & a hat and I know you're usually not comfortable in those clothes, and to ask what did you use on your hair because it looked a-ma-zing and to fangirl with you about Harry Styles. Instead of the hug-picture-bye I wanted to chat with you as I would chat to a friend, because I consider you as this, a friend, not as a celebrity or a VIP.

    Now excuse this ramble but I just wanted to tell you that
    a) I agree with you 100%
    b) I know, we know, that all of the bad things are not your fault
    c) but I think we, viewers and YouTubers, should stop looking with nostalgia at the good ol' days and embrace with excitement and support this new mega thing YouTube is becoming, trying to sort everything out together.

    You probably won't read this, but I hope anyway you know that I'm happy for you, I support you and you're the one to blame if I have something like 20 bright lipsticks in my stash now.



  329. Agathe

    Very good speech :) I hope you will get through this anxiety and I hope that everybody will understand that it's not always easy for you to deal with us. I wish you the best and if you want to have a meet up in Paris, I will enjoy to come to see you. (and I am sorry for my english) kisses

  330. You're so real Zoe, and honest and it makes me feel like we're friends even though I've never met you! I watch your videos and read your blogs and sometimes it's so easy to forget that you are real, and normal! Everyday you inspire me to be a better person and to say YES to more things! Thankyou for everything you do for us. I love you, which is strange, but ah well xx

  331. I know how you feel to have anxiety…I'm the only one in my class that will snap into a nervous breakdown, just because I get a maths question wrong, or gets stressed and worried about the littlest things! Reading this you talk about digifest I get a little tear in my eye that I can't see you there, since we live in Australia and we can't just pick up and go to Britain or America anytime soon, and commenting to get youtubers attention seems to wear me down, knowing that there never gonna answer (you to Zoe) I don't want to be negative here, and I love hearing about how you feel about seeing everyone's smiling faces lighting up as they see you!! I wanna be one of those people, I'm just requesting that you please come to Australia, Adelaide. It would mean the world to see you, and the gang down here and I bet you would enjoy it to! :) please could you give me a little follow back on Instagram please my name is _amby_eve_parky and Zoe your super nice, pretty and smart don't forget that!! <3 i love you!!

  332. Hi Zoe, after reading this i just want you to know that i've been to Itatube but because of the bad quality of the security i didn't met you…it was so sad cause i've been in the row for like 2 hours just to come and hug you and tell you that you completely changed my life.
    I'm not the most confident girl in the world but watching your videos made me a little stronger and i just want to thank you for all you've done for me even if maybe you don't know it.
    Hope to see you soon
    You deserve all the best* (Sorry for my bad english…i'm italian!)

  333. You were one of the first bloggers I ever came across, and honestly you have every right to be incredibly proud of your success, but also incredibly scared. Like you, I just started blogging to have an outlet away from university, and I want to have a career in journalism so I can be behind the camera, and behind the articles. So it must be super scary to suddenly have your blog world become your real world. Personally, I've never been to a meet up, and I wouldn't either. At 20, I find that I may be too old for that, right? But either way, the YouTube videos I watch are for a good giggle on the way to work, or when I need a make-up tutorial, but for you, it is your life. And regarding your anxiety, try and take complete time away from it, shut down your life for a week and go away with friends and family and have complete 'you' time.

    I know how you feel when it comes to people thinking you're the same person on the inside. Where you have serious anxiety but people think you're so confident, I am such a loud and gobby person, that people think they can say what they want to me and it really hurts my feelings. We're all the same at the end of the day, and you should just remember that you have wonderful people around you

    Vicky xx
    Lots of Love, Me.

  334. Hi Zoe, after reading this i just want you to know that i've been to Itatube but because of the bad quality of the security i didn't met you…it was so sad cause i've been in the row for like 2 hours just to come and hug you and tell you that you completely changed my life.
    I'm not the most confident girl in the world but watching your videos made me a little stronger and i just want to thank you for all you've done for me even if maybe you don't know it.
    Hope to meet you soon
    You deserve all the best* (sorry for my bad english..i'm italian!)

  335. Anna

    The whole thing is crazy, but you and your group and other YouTubers are a new brand of celebrity that has never existed before. It's a homemade self-produced thing that has grown bigger and bigger and bigger. Not too long ago, there was no such thing as blogging and vlogging and making a great income and becoming a celebrity through that. However, now that it has happened, it is a new way for people to engage with each other and in media. It only sucks because it feels that you guys are not as easy to relate to. Right now, my boyfriend and I are attempting to break into blogging and YouTube and making some wonderful friends along the way, but because of the way it is structured now, we would never be able to reach out to you or Louise, for example, and get tips and tricks the way we can with other smaller bloggers and vloggers.

    I can see how this is more than you bargained for, but the Gleam team is truly making history!

  336. Hello Zoe! It's pretty amazing to feel comfortable knowing that you guys are just like us, it does help me on a day to day basis because it helps me realise that perfection isn't something that I should be aiming for, or to try and feel perfect in the eyes of others because that's also an impossibility. Thank you Zoe, for being wonderful just as yourself and making me feel better about striving towards accepting myself and not minding when those who don't matter mind me :D

  337. I can't even imagine all the feelings and emotions you feel when you step out to see a huge crowd of people like that! I would probably want to curl up into a little ball yet also stand up on that stage in confidence. We all wish we could experience something like at some point in our lives and sometimes we are so in awe of all the perfect things you do that we forget that your just a normal person behind that screen. It takes a lot of courage to do all these things like post a video of yourself and lose a lot of your privacy but I want to thank-you Zoe for doing all these things and making us smile every time you post a video. You inspire a lot of people Zoe :)

  338. Bhavna

    Amazing post Zoe! I completely understand how you must feel overwhelmed by the success and fanbase you've accumulated in recent years. I can't wait to see what the future holds for you next. Lots of love xoxo


  339. Ida

    Loved this post zoe!
    i really like that this "subject" has been pulled up!

  340. Zoella, you are a huge inspiration to not only me but many people around the world, and I want you to know that you have all of our best wishes! Whatever you decide to do with your life, is ultimately your choice, and you have your viewers full support! Keep up with the work you are doing, you are doing a fantastic job handling all the stress in your life, and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise! Really wish I could meet you someday, you seem like a great friend :)

    Love, Anjuli

  341. i love when you write blog posts :) i can't imagine how strange but at the same time nice it is for you to have all this commotion virtually any place you go. you channel has grown sooooo much as you obviously know, i remember the first video i watched of you was one one of the first primark hauls you did i think you had an orange top on haha :) i'm just so happy for your success. Have a nice day
    Daria :)

  342. This is so cute, you are such a great person, i am from the other side of the world so i couldn't meet you but i love you so much no matter what. I love this srsly.

  343. I really glad you earned fame, you're a sociable girl despite your fame you remain "normal"

  344. I think it's so important to remind people, that there is always one side people show on the internet. So many people think that there's just this happy, perfect person without problems. I suffer from anxiety too and everytime I see these meetup videos I have so much respect for you, it must be so hard to deal with it! You're an amazing person, enjoy what you're doing then everyone will enjoy watching you <3

  345. Amazing post, I absolutely understand you,

    love you, hugs and kisses from Czech Republic, Kate!

  346. blgfvr

    So, I've met you twice, actually! The first time was 2013 March in Orlando and we were at a Disney Park. I couldn't get tickets for PlayList but Alfie knocked me over and it was probably the best thing ever cos I got to meet you, Alfie, Caspar, and Louise! Unfortunately, you were all in a rush so I couldn't talk to any of you.

    The second time I met you was at DigiTour in Philadelphia (2013 October). I had meet & greets and had given you Japanese sweets and a letter. Unfortunately, I was one of the people that was taken to the hospital. I don't actually remember anything from the meet and greet or that night. From what I am told, I had a massive anxiety attack at the show because it was very crowded and girls around us were very rude and I was later shoved down. (I hit my head and passed out). I was talking to my friend, who went with me, trying to jog my memory of that night, and she told me that we waited outside in the blistering heat for ages and the security team weren't very kind and when we got inside, they rushed everyone. The meet and greet was more of a "say hello and get a picture" sort of thing and the employees were very impatient and rude. As soon as we took a photo, they would tell us to leave. My friend and I travelled from three states away and we ended up queuing for most of the day. I hope this gives you an insight as to what meet and greets were like in Philly!

    I feel as if there is this massive assumption that meet and greets are supposed to be chances for us to have a chat and get to know each other but in reality, it really isn't like that. Although it is disappointing, because you have such a massive number of viewers, it just isn't possible for any of you to sit down and get to know us (as much as I know you would like to). The meet and greets that JacksGap and FunForLouis have done in Hyde Park seem very casual and welcoming. Although that would make your trip to London very time-consuming and exhausting, it'd be nice to see more of those. I ope this isn't awfully wrong and this gives you a better insight as to how meet and greets have look like from the side of the screen.

    I'll be in London from June 5-10 and I'm wondering if you will be in the area? I'd really like another chance of meeting you (and actually remembering it).

    Lana x

  347. Ann

    I literally had tears in my eyes when reading this post. I'm so happy for you, for everything that you all get to experience! I can't understand how some people are so blinded by jealousy and make you feel bad about any of the things that you do, you deserve it. As you've put it, it's not all that good, and there are those shitty parts of the whole "youtube celebrity" thing. I'm just hoping that it gets better, both for you and all the viewers (like myself). I seriously think that most of the people just get the "normal person" vibe from youtubers and that's why it all works! Because it's kind of like meeting new friends, well… in a sense… You don't get to meet me, really… Anyway, you get what I'm saying. And so it is weird that those "normal cool people we like to watch" become "celebrities" and people scream and act all crazy. (I mean, don't take it the wrong way, it's not like you don't deserve it, I'm actually not getting the mayhem AT ALL whether it's a youtuber or a musician…. what's the point?) It's like YT just kind of lost it's "normal people" ground.
    Anywayyyy, I just wanna say, I support you, all the way! I wish you all the freaking best and I just hope you'll take me (US) along for the ride. It makes the 'much more ordinary' days so much better :)
    So with all that being said, I'm sending you lots of love and hugsies
    and actually truly hope I'll get to meet you one day as you seem like a type of person I'd get along with.
    No screaming, no squeals, promise haha
    (and if you're reading this, that's great :) )

  348. Love this post! I've been reading your blog/watching your videos since pretty much day 1 purely because you are such a lovely and warm 'normal' person who I find it really easy to relate to. Looking back it's crazy now to see how huge you've become. I am super happy and proud that you've become such a big success but I don't know how you cope with some of your 'fan girls', they all seem very lovely but very overwhelming at the same time! As a 21 year old I'm not somebody who would ever attend one of these Youtuber events and if I did would certainly not be screaming lol but I guess you (and a lot of other Youtubers!) have turned into major celebrities in these teenagers eyes. I'm really not surprised though as you are such a lovely person :).
    Good luck with everything, I'm sure this is probably just the beginning for you xx

  349. This was really great! It's nice to hear your side of the story, since I feel most of the time youtubers are sort of like in a bubble, impossible to touch. I mean I love youtubers but its nice to see your other side, when not on camera!
    Love you xx

  350. aray91


    You are literally living the dream life at this point in time. I admire your tenacity in dealing with your growing "celeb" status and popularity. Thank you for being honest. You're truly one of a kind. I hope I can meet you some day.
    Stay fabulous :)

  351. Zoe this is by far my favorite post by you, and that includes your videos and vlogs. I love that even after all this time you are still so grateful and thankful and that just goes to show that you deserve to be living the wonderful life you live. You deserve everything great in this world and I am so excited to see what you will be up to next. This is why you have such a big fan base, you let people see who you really are and you not only share the great things but even the not-so-great things… It makes us feel closer to you and rather than seeing you as a celebrity we see you as being a normal girl living her dream. You worked so hard to get where you are today and it is SO inspiring to me and millions of other people around the world.

    Love you so much, and no matter what ever happens, never forget all the people who will be supporting you no matter what.


    Charmaine xxxxx

  352. omg this is such a beautiful post and really lets us see what goes through your mind. I love how you can talk to us about this stuff, it makes us feel as if we're your best friends!!!
    ily zoe x

    Pearl | http://simply-beaut.blogspot.com.au

  353. DPS

    Jonny, you have just one life. I know since I was suffering myself from agoraphobia, that you have to take baby steps, and you will be fine…Just start it, and in no time you will be your past yourself.. Just to be clear: you can be cured just trust yourself :) Have a better tomorrow :)

  354. I love you so much Zoe even when I don't know you I know you're incredible and you've done an amazing job, honestly you reeeeeaaally deserve it

  355. I sometimes think of how it would be to meet you somewhere, bump into you on the street or something. My first thought is like: "omg that would be amazing! we'd take a selfie, chat a little" but then I think how overwhelming this constant attention must be for all of you guys. After all you're just ordinary people who deserves some respect and time for themselfs. I really admire you for writting post about it and I hope it'll give some people food for thought.

  356. I think it is so good that you did this post! I can't imagine how hard it must be trying to put a brave face on all this stuff, even in some of your vlogs it sometimes looks a little too much to handle! I think that its great that you are comfortable being who you are, and I think to a certain extent there are some boundaries that viewers and fans shouldn't cross, but saying that it must be hard to say no to people in the street! I think reminding people that you are just an normal person is so positive, and just allows viewers and readers to maybe think how crazy this must all be for you! I think you are hugely inspirational! xx


  357. So happy you posted this always wanted to no what it was like. x

  358. Bravo Zoe! Well said!
    I've watched the videos of many of the meet ups that yourself and the other youtubers post over the years from casual meetups in a field/park to crazy places like digifest and playlist etc and I honestly don't know how you guys do it! Although it must be amazing to have generated such an insane fanbase over the years, I can imagine it comes with its pressure and expectations which would be hard to cope with and especially make one anxious. I sometimes think how it would be so cool to start making my own videos and think of how amazing the opportunities you all have from doing so, but then I think similar to what you have wrote, that you are just normal people like us all and that even simple things for me like going to the shops is fine, I'm sure for you guys you get photos taken or bothered by people constantly which must get tiring, especially if you're having a bad day and in a rubbish mood, having to constantly be the happy bubbly Zoe that we all see on camera must be hard to keep up in reality at times, I don't mean that in a bad/bitchy way, I just mean like what you said about that's just the youtube side of it and that people forget there's the everyday side and that if people were to approach you, you couldn't be like "please can you go away I don't want a photo I'm in a rubbish mood" because you'd feel bad and result in both you and the viewer being upset. I honestly feel for you and the others at times, it must be so difficult.
    I think this post needed to be written as some people understand it without you having to explain but then there's younger audiences who might not understand it yet and this has probably explained it more to them :)
    I must admit, I did laugh at one of your videos from Universal and some girls had come to meet you and one or two were crying, I think it's sweet don't get me wrong but to make such an impact on a person to the point where they cry infront of you haha, must be crazy! But ringing your doorbell?! that's just a step way too far, like almost stalker levels of crazy,no the wonder you'd be so stressed out because I would be!
    I noticed from the ITATube vlog how you mentioned being poorly, I did think I bet Zoe gets a lot of comments about you not being able to meet people, I hope you didn't get any hassle! But if you did then I think that's appalling, your fans need to remember that you're not a superhero, you're not invincible, you can't always be on top form 24/7 you're going to have days when you are poorly etc and although it's unfortunate for them, they need to remember that you're only human. Another thing I've stumbled upon over the years is even on this blog, when you did a post and mentioned how people had been arsey with you because you hadn't posted in a while? People honestly need to get a grip! haha. They should be doing something more productive with their time instead of sending you hate and waiting on your every move and judging when you don't do something that pleases them, Yawn! haha.
    Anyway I'll finish this dissertation of a response (haha!) and just say to keep your head up and that anxiety or no anxiety, you inspire so many people for being yourself (4mill to be precise ;) ) and that is obviously for a reason because you are fab at what you do and how proud we all are of you challenging yourself by saying Yes to more things which has created so many fantastic memories for you :D


  359. You've been an inspiration. I always dreamnt about fly away and living in England (I'm from Argentina), and with this post and the one where you explain about going to Brighton, you really inspired me to follow my dream. Hope you read this and know how you are an inspiration all around the world. I'm so happy ive met you.

  360. This is a very honest and beautiful post Zoe.
    I suffer from anxiety too and I can't even imagine doing all the things you do on a daily basis.
    But you should never feel like what is happening to you is not deserved. Of course it's partly luck, partly hard work too, but that's what life is, taking chances and saying yes to opportunities !
    You've been doing an awesome job at it, and you should definitely keep going =)

  361. You are such a genuine person! It is so nice to hear your own thoughts. I also struggle with anxiety and panic attacks and to hear that one of my favorite youtubers has it helps me feel a little less strange. Thank you so much for being you! :)

  362. Let me start by saying, I absolutely love you. I love you love you loveyouuu. But I would never pay any amount to see you. haha My dream would be finally being able to afford a trip to London (I'm in America). And whilst I'm enjoying my trip, if I would casually run into you, it would absolutely make my day! Of course you'd find me witty and charming and we'd become BFF's. haha jk. To be totally honest. This whole youtube celebrity thing has me really confused. Like I said, I absolutely adore you and believe that you deserve all the great things that come your way, I just don't understand. You are normal people who make videos of your daily lives and interests–and I just don't get what the whole deal is. I don't get the fan fiction. I don't get the crying and screaming. No offense, but you haven't written novels, scripts, or music….I'm confused. haha I watch your videos (as well as Louise and the whole gang) because you are down to earth, sweet, funny, honest, and real. I don't feel that you are trying to be anyone other than who you are. And being American, its fun to see how things are done in another country, so I've really enjoyed learning about that as well. All in all though, I really do miss the "Just Zoe" video's where it was just you, your bedroom, and the camera. The collaborations are great, but they are not why I started watching. :/ I really do hope there are more "Just Zoella" video's in the future. Even though I am SOOOO older than you, you've become someone I really look up to. You have given me confidence to try new looks and go out of my "norm" when it comes to choosing clothing and styles. And knowing I'm not the only one on the planet who has horrible panic attacks makes me feel less alone.

    I really hope people see this blog and realize that STALKING YOU OUTSIDE YOUR HOME IS NOT, ABSOLUTELY NOT OKAY!!!!!! If they really care as much as they say, they will respect your privacy.

    Love you Zoe!

  363. I wish people didn't freak out over all of you guys so much!

  364. I love posts like this and the video that Louise made because even though I'm such a fan of all of you I can understand that you are all just people like me. It's difficult sometimes because we all wish we could live the glam aspects of your lives but we forget that we're only seeing bits that you upload and you are Zoe 24/7. I met you at Vidcon last year and I did feel a little overwhelmed with how long the queue was and how short the actual time we got to see you was but I completely understand that it's the most efficient way to handle things! I wish there was a way for us to meet in a more engaging setting because you signing things is great but seeing someone with anxiety such as myself do amazing things has inspired me so much and I'd love to tell you more about that! I think that you're doing the best you can and I really appreciate you being so honest about your feelings!
    xx Joselyn

  365. Thanks Zoe for sharing your thoughts with us, though I cant primarily say that I belong in the numbers of people that can be readily able to show the squeal of delight at your shows when you do meet ups because here in the other side of the world you are highly appreciated and enjoyed by your fans too no matter the distance. I have always beared in mind that popular people are just normal beings too that may experience same things as everyone else. Sometimes I do feel sorry for you guys too because there are time that anxiety,fears and other things are overlooked at some point because others think you are invincible. I am so proud of all your achievements and for pushing yourself to the point of slowly breaking out of your comfort zone. You are so well relatable and I do hope that this can send a smile to your face. Keep that ray of shine on you and never let any one dull it.

    xoxo – Kathleen

  366. Hey Zoe,
    I'm not typically a "commenter", nor am I typically one to lose my mind over seeing you (or any other YouTuber) out and about, as I always picture myself coming up to you and then not knowing exactly what to say – thus, causing a really awkward scenario for everyone haha. However, this post made me want to reach out for the first time.

    Now, I'm not entirely sure if this comment will be seen / will be lost amongst the rest of them, but if by some chance you get to read this, I just want you to know that amongst the chaotic and maybe sometimes inappropriate fans, there are the rest of us who just love the work you do, and appreciate the time and effort that this life may take.

    I'm not entirely sure how I, a subscriber and fan, feel about "meet and greets", as if I had my choice, I'd rather not get trampled by crowds of thousands for a moment of your time. Now, if we were lining up to get to have a cuppa, share a slice of 'za, or hide out in a pub somewhere, I'd be all over it. But until that opportunity arises, I think I'll watch from afar.

    Anyways, I guess what I'm saying is that this little corner of the internet world – your little corner of the internet world – is still worth it, as there are still people out there who appreciate you and your work, even if we never get to meet you. I can't imagine having girls ring my bloody doorbell, or interrupt a dinner with friends, or chase me down a street whilst shopping for knickers or something, but you seem to handle it with grace and positivity, and I admire that.

    Regardless of if you keep doing your YouTube thing, or if you decide tomorrow that you want to call it quits, I hope you're able to find happiness amongst it all. And peace, because I think peace in life is so very much important.

    And, if we ever find ourselves having a cuppa, sharing some 'za, or hiding out in a pub somewhere, I'll make sure to remind you of all of this again. However, until then, I hope your life is filled with more beauty than ugly, more peace than chaos, and more positivity then negativity. xxx

  367. Great post! I'd love to see you (although I'm so far away from you, looking forward to see you one day in Taipei: ) and I'd also love to chat to you, tell you that how much happiness you have brought to me and whenever I get down or need some confidence boost I'd watch your videos, because it just makes me all better and happier. You are magic! But also you are a ordinary person who's just like a friend chatting to me online, that's why I like you so much! It shocked me as well to see that your subscribers have grown to over 4 millions, that's insane! Your attraction is unstoppable. Please do not let any of these change who you are and what you do, you are what you are, be the happiest person you can be!

    Love you

  368. Its really well said and has surely cleared things up, as it has already been understood. Also to see you write things like this, how really clever and openminded you are. Shows self power and that is a real treasure to have x

  369. Erin

    This post goes hand in hand with what Louise said in her YouTube Culture video. It's so strange because youtubers are just regular people that most of the time started because they needed somewhere to focus their energies, to escape from whatever was happening in their life. And somehow as more and more people discovered youtubers there's been this weird fangirl/celebrity aspect to it. I really hope that organisers of these events listen to you guys and try to make the events a bit more normal – having hundreds/thousands of teenagers screaming at you must be absolutely awful, especially because you suffer from anxiety.

    Also is there anything you can do security-wise about the girls sitting outside your building? That's so creepy – I'd even be scared to leave my house if that was me.

    Erin, beingerin.com

  370. I just wanted to respond to you and say I also suffer from an anxiety disorder, along with some depression for good measure and I was in the exact same situation as you last year. I was afraid of everything, and even at 21 I wanted my mom to sleep in the same bed as me just to feel safe. It made me feel like a 5 year old, and that I would never live on my own or be able to achieve things because of this disorder. That year was probably the worst of my life, but I promise you it gets better! I'm now going to London for 3 months for an internship, something I NEVER thought would happen, and I'll have you know that now I sleep alone in my own bed haha :]

    I just saw your comment, and related so much I just wanted to tell you you'll live freely soon. Trust me, if I can do it (i'm the biggest chicken I know) you can too. xox

  371. As someone who has been watching YouTuber's for almost eight years I definitely noticed the shift in popularity and it shocked me. People with a million subscribers a few years ago still were just kids in their rooms filming videos, just a lot of people liked their videos and that seemed to be all there was to it. It's definitely a celebrity-status kind of thing now, which I find scary to watch in vlogs.
    I'm glad you shared these thoughts, Zoe. I really feel for you having to deal with people outside of your own home, I can't imagine what that feels like.
    Keep doing what you're doing girl, cause we all love and appreciate it.


  372. Amanda

    I have anxiety too and I'm just 14 so I really do look up to you a lot, you make me really happy and calm for however long your videos are and anyone who could do that deserves lots of love xx So thank you Zoe, for assuring me that I'm not alone in this struggle

  373. This is written so well, and it goes hand in hand with Louise's video. Sometimes I really don't know how you (or any other "big" youtuber/blogger) can deal with the thousands of screaming people (I'd probably run away and cry because people are scary!) You all deal with it so well *claps* Xx

    Josephine Jade Xx

  374. Zoey,
    I was watching one of your vLogs the other day and i kept thinking to myself, how the heck does she do all these thing without being nervous and having panic attacks all the time. I also suffer anxiety so I totally get that all that stuff can get overwhelming and scary. I too need to step back sometimes, close my eyes and take a deep breath before I do something a bit scary. Honesty you do everything with such grace and poise and that is the reason so many people love you. You are such an amazing person with a good heart. Just remember when you get nervous and feel a panic attack coming on just think of all the crazy amazing stuff you have already overcome!! I hope to meet you one day and sit in a coffee shop and chat with you for hours about nonsense. It is difficult to find honest, true people in this world and you are definitely one of them! Keep be amazing. You totally deserve everything!


  375. I have to say I love this post. I just recently started a blog and while I have been influenced by youtubers and bloggers like you, I like to think that I started it because of me and just wanting to share my thoughts instead of seeing it as a way to become "famous". It would be fabulous if I could ever get the type of following that you have, but I have to say that I would seem pretty weird to me because it's not like I do anything out of the ordinary on my blog, I just think it would be nice to have so many people value my opinions. I have to say, I have been watching your videos for quite some time and I have always felt a little uncomfortable about the way I sometimes view you as a celebrity. I have the upmost respect for what you do and the passion that you have for it, but sometimes I have to agree, you really are just one normal girl and thats what I really love about your videos and blogs, its just like talking to a really good friend. Congratulations on your success and I am looking forward to what you create in the future. :)

  376. oh boy Zoe, this made me cry! You have come SO far with all of this, what was just your hobby, and now it's turned into this full time life journey haha! I have so much to say but I know there are so many people commenting you might not read it…Well, i guess I could say i am a lot like you. i get very severe anxiety attacks, i've definitely had my ups and my downs, especially this last year. I feel lost sort of. I follow so many different blogs and channels on youtube, and just like all you guys think, its confusing to me too. isnt it weird how youtube is like the new "celebrity"? i have wanted to make my own youtube channel for quite some time now, and I've been nervous. but after reading this post, and choking up a long the way, i realized i need to say yes to more things in my life. sure, its easy to crawl into bed and say no day after day, but saying yes will push me out of my comfort zone. i cant imagine the craziness and weirdness you have been through with all of this, but at the end of the day, when all of those kids are there for you, it must feel like such a daydream, doesnt it? :) anyway this is sort of rambly, but i just want to say thank you zoe. im just another girl out there watching you, but you have taught me so much about everything, from boys to school problems, to makeup tricks :) your kind of like a really good friend, but across the globe and we've never met haha. i wish you SO much luck zoe, you deserve all of this. you work so hard and i think we all forget that behind the smiles and laughter on camera, you're a regular girl too with the same problems we are experiencing. i love you :) xx

  377. Lude S

    this is the best post you have ever done! It made me cry just from reading it! I love reading your blogs and love your videos. I know that sometimes the fandom can get out of control. I have never met any of you but just my sitting in my bed I can tell you that I know what you mean by that because I am a complete fangirl. Obviously waiting outside for you and things like that are things I would never do because I know you have a private life and I respect that. I don't know why, we the fans, look up to you guys. It is probably because you guys make our day and we just see you as the best thing in our lives. This definitely has opened my eyes, you are such a huge inspiration and we support you.

  378. Thanks for being really honest Zoe! I've always loved you and everything you do. Just keep in your mind that we all love you. Really miss your blog post! xx

  379. I've never met you or going to youtube convention before but I really really really want to. I'll give you the best hug when I meet you. :)

  380. Zoe, I just started watching your videos about 5 months ago & after reading this, I have so much more respect for you & what you do. Your videos are so good & you are truly talented in giving others advice & so much more! I feel like you are a friend in a way (hope thats not strange lol) but its true! You have kind of inspired me in many ways already. Seeing you be so honest with your viewers is truly amazing & honestly I don't see you as a "celebrity", but simply just an inspiring person who is brave enough to get out of their comfort zone & share their life with strangers. I hope one day I can meet you; I promise I won't be annoying & scream cuz it would be amazing just to sit & have a chat with you! xx

  381. I spend a lot of time watching youtube so you really feel like you know the people you're watching but i would never go to a meetup or event with youtubers because its all too much to handle. I don't get why people have to scream and push and cry over you guys you are just normal people. I know they are excited to see you, i would be too but i think it just makes the other person uncomfortable. You wouldn't do that to your real life friends would you? just start screaming and crying. If i did that to my friends they would be like "whats wrong with you? get a grip" and probably never talk to me again. Great post zoe I'm glad people are addressing this occurrence in the youtube community.

  382. I'm so sorry to hear that people have been invading your privacy by waiting outside your house and ringing your doorbell, Zoe. I can't imagine that that's any fun at all. I think what viewers need to realise is that YouTubers share so much of their lives on the Internet that they need to be able to step back and have a place where they can disconnect. It really saddens me that people cannot respect that. I've never been to any of these conventions, I live in New Zealand, but it seems a very tricky situation for all involved.

    A lot of respect to you for sharing this post and to Louise for her video on this issue.

    Rachel | Rachel is Elsewhere

  383. Love this blog!! I love reading and watching your blogs/vlogs!! This is very honest and true! I don't obviously know how it is for you guys, but I can only imagine. The fact that you and Joe and ur friends stay true to yourselves and are still normal people despite the popularity is what I admire the most. That is what I enjoy the most, successful and famous people who are still just human being and normal and down to earth!! Of course there's always going to be people who are rude and disagree, but like you said "the people who mind, don't matter and the people who matter don't mind". I do wish that despite the increase of people getting into YouTubers would be more mellow and chilled during meets and greets, it would definitely make it a whole lot easier on everyone overall. In fact to any conventions, meet and greet or concerts period. I definitely will be one of your many supporters and will remain for a very long time. :) ������

  384. This blog post is the reason people admire and look up to you, Zoe. Not because you are 'perfect', but because you are so authentic and grounded. You have always remained true to yourself.

    I have anxiety as well, and knowing how difficult it can be for me sometimes, I think it's incredible that you are so often able to push yourself to do things that are outside of your comfort zone. I think you need to stop and take a moment to let it truly sink in what an accomplisment that is. Even for someone without anxiety, doing huge meet and greets or performing on stage for large crowds would be terrifying. You've done it. Repeatedly. And you've made it through by allowing yourself to be open to things that scare you. I think the best things in life are the things that don't come easily.

    As viewers, we obviously see the very tiniest portion of your life, and a lot of people don't seem to clue in that you obviously have problems and struggles just like every other person on the planet. Of course you're not going to broadcast these parts of your life to the world! Keeping your personal life private is so important, and yet sadly very rare in today's social media age. Everyone wants to know everything, and for some reason many people feel like it is their right to know these personal details about people they don't even know. It's quite a sad indication of the state of society.

    I'm thrilled you are so successful. You deserve everything you have acheived. There is a reason people subscribe to you – your personality always shines through in everything you do and people really respond to you just being yourself. I know how hard it can be to ignore others' unconstructive criticism even on a small scale, so I can't even fathom how difficult it is for someone in your situation! Remember, you do not owe anything to anyone. Always create content that YOU feel good about and want to share. You will never, ever please everyone, so put things out in the world that you are proud of and you feel have value. At the end of the day you will know you did something because you wanted to, not because you felt you had to in order please others.

    All we ask as viewers is that you promise to always be true to you. <3

  385. It probably would have been a good idea to film from a "fake house" like the Kardashians do. Now people have figured out where you live. They should not be waiting on your door step, but they're obsessed. Hope you rented and can move soon. Secretly!

  386. I love reading your posts so much. I feel like your written words come right from your heart. You are a role model for so many young girls. Whatever people say, you should never forget that you worked so hart for all the things you achieved. I would love to read some more posts again, if you can find some time.

    Hundreds of safe virtuell hugs!

  387. Zoe you are just AMAZING. I dont know if you are reading this because of all the comments but im a Filipino and ALL THE TIME I think of being like you (but in a boys way) but sometimes I cant because im in this country and i guess that I will need to be in a better place just like the UK. Also meeting new friends will be hard because sometimes they will make fun of me. I think about it most of the time and I do cry because of all the hardwork to acheive what your doing right now. But now that Ive read this, I understood that you just started out just like me. Ive also believed that i can be famous just like you. All this time Ive been dreaming about being a youtuber like you but im also being sad just by thinking about it, but now that ive read this i believe hat I can do it. I keep on asking my parents that I will Go and live at the UK and be like you.

    Thanks so much!
    Lots of love and regards from the Philippines!

  388. Amy

    Coming from a girl also experience anxiety; the fact that you have achieved this much while still going through the anxiety problems, helps me realise that I can go on with life and do extraordinary things too. I have been so help back by nerves recently, that its took a toll on my life as well as my family. You're a big inspiration for everyone that experiences anxiety :)

  389. A lovely post as always! <3 I have anxiety myself and you have helped me through many difficult times in my life, thank you so much! You have helped me to understand that it is okay feel insecure and overwhelmed sometimes and you have inspired me to push my boundaries! You are such a loving and inspiring person and I want you to stay like that <3 I flew to florida for playlist live all the way from Denmark to meet you for the very first time. On the day of the meet up there were so many people that I had a panic attack and the security would let me out of the crowd so I could breath because it was so overwhelming. In the end i didn't get to meet you and that made me so sad because it was the only reason why i flew to florida and I am very afraid of flights so that was difficult in itself for me. I saw how overwhelming it was and I understand you fully! <3 I hope that one day i will have the courage to go to a convention to meet you! I love you so much and you are such an inspiration<3

    LOts of love from Celine in Denmark <3

  390. Noor

    I don't watch Youtube videos but when I started blogging, I came across your blog multiple times and read it often. You're not only a talented girl but also a great person. Being successful is a perk and you're blessed pretty lady. It must be overwhelming but I hope you can do it wisely. Stay happy and keep blogging wonderful stuff :)

  391. C+G

    Thank you so much!

  392. this made me just confirm in my head that this is why you are my favourite you tuber on the web.
    I'm a wallflower and i want you to know that you have helped one person in the world if not more to kind of go out of my shell and try new things as well.
    You'r amazing Zoë and hopefully one day I can do what you do. (not as well as you but make youtube videos to make people happy).
    So thanks for helping me and the rest of the fans out there.
    Love you,
    Love Bec x o x o

  393. Hi Zoe,

    Very down to earth, genuine, and well said post.
    I think that fact that you are just an ordinary girl and this has happened from a hobbie, is an inspiration to all of us other ordinaries to follow the things we love the most also, because who knows where it can lead :) .

    Also just to provide my point of view as a audience member, the more I watch of your videos, the more I get to know you essentially, and feel like you are my friend! The theme of the video is just a medium to see your personality – which is why so many of us are attracted to you, we can see you are an amazing, likable and genuine person who would be a worthy friend in a real interaction (but all we can do to say we are your friend, and support you as one, is subscribe). It's a shame that the 'friendship' is so one sided, but that's just how it works and that's fine. My point is maybe that's why people get so excited to see you when they do, like seeing a long lost friend :) how could I possible ignore you if I saw you walking down the street!.

    You are in a great position in terms of the little youtube unit of very close friends and family that can understand your exact position and all support each other. You also sound like you are beginning to deal with the haters better which is fantastic to hear, remember bullying is never about you, they have got their own problems and you (and other youtubers) unfortunately can just be an outlet for them.
    Stay strong, you rock!

    p.s. Your hair is forever amazing ^.^
    Rebecca xox

  394. I really hope you read this, Zoe. You are truly amazing. I haven't met you yet (hope the moment arrives soon) because I'm from Spain but when I do it, I'm pretty sure I won't be able to tell you everything that I want to tell you. So here I come (and I think this is the perfect comment section)…
    You can't even imagine how much you've helped me. My life has been hard, very, and I never thought something good could happen to me. Until I 'met' you and your thoughts and your smile. I decided also to be more girly and to face every day from a different point of view. I will never thank you enough, Zoe. For the first time in my life (and I'm 21) I can tell that I've gained self-confidence and I'm positive and I FREAKING LOVE LIFE. You are not the only reason for this HUGE change, obviously, but you have been the main inspiration of it :)
    And you don't even know me! This Youtube thing is absolutely marvelous.

    I hope everything continues this way for you and for me and sometime somewhere to meet you, hug you and thank you looking at your adorable eyes :)


  395. 'Those who mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind’, an excellent quote. Although I cannot relate to you on a personal level, I’ve been to several events involving YouTubers (link to my blog below) and I admire your patience and how you manage to stay calm at these gatherings, while at the same time being in a state of anxiety. I can only imagine what it must feel like to have the power to influence an audience of millions of people around the world while having to cope with the negativity and pressure that comes with it.


  396. firstly, I just want to say that I really loved how long it took me to scroll down so I could add a comment- the pages and pages of kind, supportive messages from people was really warming and even though they weren't for me (hahaha), they still kind of made me proud
    secondly, I think this post is beautiful. I just want to say well done and thank you for writing this, it is important for a lot of people to hear.
    x neophytekid.blogspot.com

  397. I've never been to a meet up because I live in Puerto Rico aka Narnia but I'm planning on going to Playlist Live 2015 and I really really hope I can go i love you so much zoe and I would love to meet you. loved this post btw

  398. thoroughly read the whole thing and I am definite that people teared up at one point or another, such true words, such strong emotions! No way to explain how this post makes me feel, but it's relatable in a weird way, however, know ONE THING. You deserve it, inevitably. </3 love you! http://pechueliar.blogspot.com/

  399. Hi I'm 14 and I also suffer from anxiety (Easy to say when not directly talking to someone aha) I've never been to a convention before as I live in Scotland and I don't think there are many, or any, here
    I always forget that lots of people watch youtubers now and that they have such a big fanbase and I just feel as if, because there is so many of us, you and other youtubers will stop doing these conventions and meet & greets because it won't be safe for you and all of us.
    I guess I never really thought about just how crazy this must be for all of you, all I was thinking was "shit that hurt" because I had my volume high while wearing earphones (rookie mistake). I think it'd be cool to meet all of you youtubers, but I don't want you to feel as if you have to do things because we would want you to:)
    Also, every single time I have a youtube marathon (probably everyday:o ) I always feel like I have to speak in an English accent :P
    Anyways, thank you for carrying on this blog and youtube because you are great at it and you deserve all the praise you get for it, Bye!:Dx

  400. I wrote a little response to this and Louise's video (http://www.theperksofbeingahipster.com/2014/05/the-youtuberblogger-community-thoughts.html) but basically, I agree completely – it must be really weird that one day you were just writing about carboot sales and commenting on other people's blogs and next minute you're on stage with people screaming! Haha! I hope people still blog/Youtube because they want to (I do) not because they want to be famous (Which I don't – it looks terrifying!) and can just support you and your friends in a positive way!
    The perks of being a hipster

  401. eleni

    I love hearing things from youtubers perspectives when it comes to these types of things. I've never been to a convention myself as I live in Australia, but many meet & greets I've been to have been quite out of hand. I often get anxiety really badly and it paralyses me, and I think these overexuberant crowds take a big part in this. I have no idea what you're going through but just letting you know your videos bring much happiness to me when I am feeling stressed or down, and I just wanted to say that I admire you for putting your thoughts out there! x

  402. Andrea

    If you don't want people outside of your house, why did you make it so obvious where you live?

  403. Jennie

    Hi Zoe,
    thanks for posting this and opening up! You're one of the sweetest and most real youtubers, you're so honest and I love that. I hope you don't take too much pressure because we all love your videos so much, and we just love you for who you are! <3

  404. Wow such an amazing personal post. So well written too. Your opportunities must be amazing and having to push that brave confident face all the time must be hard and you seem to be doing the most amazing job at it.
    So incredible how you've faced your anxiety and try and not let it stop you, very inspirational!!


  405. I'm going to SITC this year with one of my best friends and we're from Northern Ireland. I made a promise about a month ago that I'd will try my hardest not to scream throughout the ENTIRE WEEKEND (apart from performances on stage because that would be rude if I just stood there not clapping or anything lol).
    I mean in the context of, "oh look, there is my most favourite YouTuber walking past me..". In that instance, I'm just going to wave and say hi if possible, and not burst yours and everyone else's ear drum.
    I think people just have the fear that their 'fav' will go past them and if they don't scream or do anything dramatic, then they'll just think they're a normal fan/barely know who they are. It's kind of like a credit which some fans want to receive; as in they want to be recognised for their interaction with them and within their fandom. I think those moments when a strong fan comes into contact with their bias are overwhelming to both people.

    Tbh, from my personal experience.. the best memories to have when meeting your favourite people are when you get to ACTUALLY converse with them and simply chill.
    Eg. I got to meet Dan & Phil last Summer in London (not at a convention), but there were around 100 others there. It was my first sort of 'meet-up' experience but it was pretty chilled, but for me I didn't really know how to react when they appeared (I was first to meet them somehow, and I was shivering because I was so nervous/excited). Since I was in that sort of state, I didn't really get to talk to them properly as I was just mumbling shit in an Irish accent lol.

    Then recently, I got to meet LukeIsNotSexy after a gig. There were about 10 of us there, and we all just stood there talking for 15 minutes and there were loads of funny moments and memories made. My point is, I treasure those 15 more than the 30 seconds I got with Dan & Phil (and they are my 'life' like srsly what)

    I think us fans/super fans/I spend 23 hours a day stalking internet people fans, need to just take a breath a calm the ham. It's pretty inappropriate to be screaming in people's facing every time you see a popular YouTuber. I'm just going to pretend everyone at SITC is my friend and treat them in that sort of manner.
    yay for friends and manners!

  406. Bill

    Sorry you have anxiety issues. Many others do. It is too bad others cannot respect you and your space.
    Realize there are many of us hoping you continue to succeed in whatever roads you take.

  407. Lauxx

    This is a great post Zoe :) Ive suffered from anxiaty and i used to find it diffiuclt to do oral presntations in front of 20 people in my class so i can imagine how difficult it can be for you to go in front of 5000 people all screaming and going crazy.
    Youtube has suddenly become a huge community and Youtubers (especially british) have become superstars all around the world and what people dont understand is that they are normal people who enjoy making multimedia content but they may not enjoy see how they cant go shopping or for a coffe with friends without people stalking them.
    I think that fans should understand that and try to be more respectful.
    Greetings from Spain Zoe :)

  408. Loved the sincerity in this post. And keep doing what you love Zoe c:

  409. Loved reading this post, it seriously shows that youtube is not about being some sort of a celebrity but just doing what you love in the comfort of your own home and that anyone can start doing youtube no matter who they are. xx

  410. Ally

    WOW! Such an inspiration. It truly is amazing how far you've come. Iv only just started blogging, and your blog has to be one of the most inspirational blogs ever!! I love that your just an ordinary girl, just like me, sitting here watching come dine with me! I wish you all the best!

  411. You're amazing, you are the reason why I've started blogging! Thanks for being you…

  412. Hi Zoe, I can completely understand what you are talking about as I too suffer with anxiety and recently in Sydney I went to a meetup where I waited 7 hours to meet the beautiful Troye in the hot sun (I ended up with some interesting tan lines…) outside. It was extremely long and there were so many people and it was so crowded. By the 7th hour when my friend Susannah and I finally got into the room after my other friend Juliette had to leave as she felt very overwhelmed and poorly we waited once again until we finally got to meet Troye… for about 30 seconds. It was truly amazing to meet him although I do sometimes feel regret and maybe that I shouldn't have bothered to wait if I only talked to him as lovely as he is for such a short amount of time. Not to mention more than 100 people had to be turned away and some were crying and were upset as we had to wait so long! I totally understand how you feel and as a viewer if I ever had the chance to meet you or any other incredible youtuber I would want it to be chatty and genuine and not just a 30 second meet. I think it would be nice to find a way in which we could all connect without everything becoming so dramatic and overwhelming! Thank you so much for this blog post and I love you very much xxx Evangeline <3

  413. Zoe,

    You are amazing! <3
    I love watching all your videos and reading all your blogs. You shouldn't have to feel worried, every single one of us loves you and respects you. I have anxieties as well. I have probably lost out on so many great opportunities because of my anxieties. I get myself so freaked out over things, when really they are nothing to worry about. You're not alone Zoe. Many people don't realize you're just a normal girl. But you have something special about you, that makes you stand out in a crowd. I can honestly say, that if I had no idea you were a famous Youtuber, I would want to be your friend. You are just a normal girl, who has a little sparkle, and a passion for blogging and vlogging. I really hope that every single one of you many subscribers can see that too. You're amazing Zoe, and we all love you.

    xxx ~Emily

  414. I have been such a huge fan of yours since the day I stumbled across your blog while searching for ideas for my 21st birthday in google.

    Today is my 23rd birthday – and the cake (chocolate with berries!) that I found on your blog so long ago still resonate in my heart. I know it isn't the same as the girls that follow you for the product reviews etc – of course I enjoy those too but my favorite things from you is just general lifestyle… to see you as a normal girl. Not promoting anything – just living, moving into your own cool little place in Brighton, showing us the sweet decor you bought, cuddling your pets.

    I think people often forget that people like you (and in absolutely no reference or comparison to you,) Kate Moss, Keira Knightley etc etc.. are all normal human beings too. I can't imagine how weird it must feel – in a way I am muddled with emotions for you. On one side I'm so proud and excited at what blogging has done for you – but at the same time I completely sympathize that you just want a normal night out with friends sometimes too.

    Girls standing outside of your house and waiting for you to leave – it's just creepy harassment and a complete invasion of your person space and I'm sorry people do things like that to you. They are probably just so excited as they look at you as an idol – but hopefully this beautiful and honest post will help to tone it down.

    I've been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks since the age of 12 and you're words have truthfully helped me so much along the few years that I have been a follower – so thank you for that. I am so appreciative and look up to you so much.

    Well done for speaking out.

    Sending you much love, light, strength and happiness x


  415. I have been such a huge fan of yours since the day I stumbled across your blog while searching for ideas for my 21st birthday in google.

    Today is my 23rd birthday – and the cake (chocolate with berries!) that I found on your blog so long ago still resonate in my heart. I know it isn't the same as the girls that follow you for the product reviews etc – of course I enjoy those too but my favorite things from you is just general lifestyle… to see you as a normal girl. Not promoting anything – just living, moving into your own cool little place in Brighton, showing us the sweet decor you bought, cuddling your pets.

    I think people often forget that people like you (and in absolutely no reference or comparison to you,) Kate Moss, Keira Knightley etc etc.. are all normal human beings too. I can't imagine how weird it must feel – in a way I am muddled with emotions for you. On one side I'm so proud and excited at what blogging has done for you – but at the same time I completely sympathize that you just want a normal night out with friends sometimes too.

    Girls standing outside of your house and waiting for you to leave – it's just creepy harassment and a complete invasion of your person space and I'm sorry people do things like that to you. They are probably just so excited as they look at you as an idol – but hopefully this beautiful and honest post will help to tone it down.

    I've been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks since the age of 12 and you're words have truthfully helped me so much along the few years that I have been a follower – so thank you for that. I am so appreciative and look up to you so much.

    Well done for speaking out.

    Sending you much love, light, strength and happiness x


  416. I've got a lot of things to say but it will take me forever in order to say them, so to sum it all up, I just wanna say I love you Zoe, I love everything that you do and you make me happy all the time. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, ZOE. I wish you all the good things in life.

  417. Zoe, I can't even imagine what struggles you face with all these new and crazy opportunities you face everyday, I know I personally find it hard to attend my Uni classes because I can get too worked up. Your videos (one in particular) actually helped me realise my own battles with anxiety – and reading this post I can relate all too well. It's hard and difficult but if we lived adhering to our problems/ bad traits we would not be living at all. As someone who suffers from anxiety I totally understand the trepidations you may have starting new things/ accepting opportunities as amazing as they may sound. That being said – I'm proud. You are living for yourself and battling your anxieties. Good for you. Its these small personal victories that can be the largest and I'm so happy that you are allowing and pushing yourself to do so. Keep doing you, and I hope the future takes you to great places :)

    xxx Lauren


  418. You are an incredible person, thank you!

  419. I almost never leave a comment, but I really appreciate you being open about your anxiety and panic attacks, because when I saw your video about a week ago I felt so thankful. I suffer from axiety and panic attacks to, almost identical to yours almost and it made me feel less alone knowing someone else experience the same thing. So, Thanks you!

  420. This is so understandable Zoe, I once remember watching Tyler's or Joey Graceffa's video (I don't quite remember who it was) and they were on a meetup just about to go on a stage and trust me when I saw what's happening on event's like that (I've never been on one myself) I started crying and this might sound so stupid, coz I'm genuinely not a person who cries a lot or cries easily. This just seemed sooo overwhelming to me and I seriously can't imagine how you feel whilst being there and experiencing all of these, but I remember in that moment I felt it for a while. All I can think of- this has to be amazing! Another thing is that nowadays youtubers can do sooo much more than for example celebrities whether they're actress or singers. Quite easy and first example which comes to my mind: Tyler Oakley- how much did he get for this charity thing for his birthday? As far as I remember it was more than half million dollars. LIKE… WHAT?! And comparing it to Shay Mitchell pretty little liar's actress who was doing pretty much the same thing for her birthday- I once went to this website and she's raised about $500. This is because we're all moving forward and the difference with youtube is that we can interact with You guys, we are the ones you always ask for our opinion, you talk to US, replying to OUR comments, meeting with US, reading OUR fan mails. This is just so cool and amazing. And after all I would be so happy if you're actually reading this comment coz I can imagine you probably have like 6 millions of them. So if you're not that's okay too. Zoe you're such an amazing person, very happy and humble, you are just yourself in this big online world of pretending to be someone else and this is amazing about you. I wish you all the best, keep going and stay strong, people love you, don't worry about things, you're very lucky, focus more about what you can give to others or how can you enjoy things than thinking about negative people, THERE ALWAYS WILL BE someone who won't like what you do, and well, they can, but it shouldn't bother you in any way, because YOU LIKE what you do and that's important. Loads of love, Pat xxx

  421. Zoe, I'm so happy of all that you've accomplished and the success you have received, it is well and truly deserved! I love how you still remain down to earth and grounded even after you've been though and accomplished. I agree and do think it is important to remember how you started and that even though you are incredible successful, bloggers and YouTubers are still 'humans', it's lovely to read about all the adventures your life has and I hope there are many more to come,
    Best Wishes x

  422. Hi Zoe, I completely understand what you are saying. I have avoided ever going to a meet up or convention because I am afraid of the other people there. Being in large crowds makes me very nervous, and I worry that I would be disappointed by not getting to spend time with you. For now, watching your wonderful videos is enough for me :)

    Madeline | Ring-a-Round a Rosey | Bloglovin’

  423. i had a panic attack at digifest. i was waiting in the crowd and all of a sudden i had the dreaded symptoms. i had to get out of the crowd, i couldnt handle it.after the attack i told my mates to carry on at the festival without me. i walked 3 miles back to my hotel room, and sat in the dark, i was going through so many emotions, ive spent all this money and i didnt even make it through the crowd, what was the point? i had so many thoughts in my head, my head was banging. i just sat there crying saying to myself why am i alive.

  424. Ticketed meet ups – safer for all involved (although maybe not ideal)? Book a conference room in a hotel but only allow 200 people. Don't disclose location (only to ticket holders). I agree it's got to the point where 'hey im here come meet outside XYZ' isn't an option anymore! If people harass you at home, call the police. That is not ok!

  425. You have done a very amazing job with coping with all that's going around in your life. You're a really strong girl who has done so much to inspire different people around the globe. You deserve so much respect!!

    Skeen x

  426. I always wonder what your thoughts are, away from the camera and the pressure! I
    To be honest, I never think of you as a celebrity and I'd never fangirl over you, maybe because I'm older.. But really I just understand how normal you really are and how much you don't really show of your life on camera and with posts.
    You are a lovely girl and you've got so far and I think many of us thank you for what you do.

  427. wow great I have read many articles about this topic and every time I learn something new i don’t think it will ever stop always new info , Thanks for all of your hard work!
    House For Sale

  428. Lois

    Wow, Zoe. You had me on the verge of crying there. Beautiful written. You deserve it so much ♥ I really hope you guys come to the Netherlands sometimes because also here, they're big fans

  429. I am so excited to know what these new things are.. it kind of seems like Zoe means stuff quite outside of Youtube. I wonder what it is! Clothing? Acting? SINGING? Options are new and endless for Youtubers these days. It's amazing to have started reading Zoe's blog in 2009 and now see where she and her friends have gone.. It's amazing and entirely new, and since it's new there's yet to be ways to fix problems yet.. but perhaps the flaws in this new youtuber fame system will work its way out. This happened in all sorts of eras when something was so new no one knew how to deal! (take beatle mania perhaps?) .. anyways this has been a total rant. I loved this post Zoe :) x
    Emily Lavenders

  430. So proud of you Zoey :) You are a true inspiration.. keep doing what you do as long as it makes you happy then go ahead :D don't mind us crazy people you do your thing.. we'll still love you no matter what :)


  431. This was a lovely post and I understand the things you talked about so much better now! Thank you! I'm in tears when reading this and I can only imagine how you must be feeling with all this. I think that we sometimes put too much pressure on you guys and I'm sure it can be quite overwhelming for you. Lots of love from Finland! xx

  432. the most important thing is that we all are part of it!!!, im live in mexico and i dont know when you guys are coming up but, i can watch your videos on my confy bed and that is one of the wonders of internet :) it has become my "things to do" sunday morning :) i love british youtubers So.. zoe you are one of my favorites and it always be a good vibe from me to you girl!!

  433. This is just so amazingly honest!

    Since there never was a meet and greet in germany and i seem to be too busy to get out of here, and i really hate big crowds (I mostly kind of freak out when I am between such an amount of people) I didn't get to meet you yet. I would love to though!
    I understand that this can be really hard but I feel like you are such an inspiration since you seem so brave, doing so many things even though they might scare you off at first. And being so honest about this is not something people do easily, just like that.
    You are a great person, Zoe, and that is the reason for so many people to watch your videos, read you blogposts and just catch up on what you let us know about yourself next.

    We love you, and as longs as you keep that in mind, I hope that nothing will ever be able to scare you off, even though it may seem hard.
    I just wanted you to know that.

  434. This is just amazingly honest!
    Since there never was a meet and greet in germany and i seem to be too busy to get out of here, and i really hate big crowds (I mostly kind of freak out when I am between such many people) I didn't get to meet you yet. I would love to though!
    I understand that this can be really hard but I feel like you are such an inspiration since you seem so brave, doing so many things even though they might scare you off at first.
    You are a great person, Zoe, and that is the reason for so many people to watch your videos, read you blogposts and just catch up on what you let us know about yourself next.

    We love you, and as longs as you keep that in mind, I hope that nothing will ever be able to scare you off, even though it may seem hard.
    I just wanted you to know that.

  435. such a lovely post Zoe, really enjoyed reading it xx

  436. I live in Holland so I've sadly never got the chance to meet you. Hopefully I will one day,
    but when I don't get that chance, it's okay too. I will love and support you anyway.
    Thanks for writing this blog, because I guess most of us will respect you now more as a normal girl,
    then as a famous vlogger.
    When you need some rest, just take it!
    xx Lauri

  437. I praised your content and writing style that is eye-catching, I admit you web content is perfect as you want to described Pakistani dresses, I am sure there are some more enjoyable opportunities ahead for individuals who read carefully your post.

  438. I really empathise with you here, I don't understand it myself when I see people screaming at YouTubers and bloggers – the reason I like you and others is because you're a regular person just like me, rather than a celebrity! This is a really well written post and I think you should do more chatty ones! xx


  439. I have anxiety and panic attacks really badly, and one thing I have learnt is that you can never let it bring you down no matter how bad it is. When I watch the videos you make, I feel like I can do anything with my life and not let anxiety stop me from doing what I wanna do. If you can pull through it, why not me or somebody else? <3 x

  440. This is such a beautiful text Zoe, I think that a LOT of people (especially youtubers' fans) should read this right now. ♡

  441. This is great!! It not only helped me to see how big a blog could actually grow to be, but its also great to let people know that you're a person just like everyone else. Its never fun feeling uncomfortable in your own home. Hope people learn to give you some personal space!!

    Christina x

  442. This post really opened my eyes to how overwhelming and scary things can be for you and the other you tubers! I think we often forget that behind the camera there's more to you and that you're normal people. Before I discovered the youtube community I felt like I had no lead in my life. (this sounds so cheesy) but so many of your videos and blogs have not only inspired me to try new things and 'just say yes!' but it's also given me advice and embraced me when I'm feeling down. Thanks :)

  443. I really enjoyed reading this.

    Watching vlogs of the meetups has always made me feel somewhat awkward. Being a 22-year-old young adult it is really hard for me to understand how these little girls look up to you guys almost like you're some god-like creatures. I don't think I've ever really idolised anyone in such a passionate way and it just feels really weird to see people almost like hyperventilating when they get to see you. Reading about people actually waiting around your homes and listening to your conversations through hotel doors makes me think that these fans really do not know the boundaries and they probably should simmer it down a little. The begging for follows on instagram and twitter is also quite nuts, when people seem to be dedicating their spare time to trying to get you to follow them . There's no real interaction, they're just wishing a person who doesn't even know them would start following them.

    Don't get me wrong, it's definitely good for these young girls (and boys) to have someone like you to look up to. But in general the fangirling culture today seems so intense that I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it. Especially with youtubers, since mostly they are just average people filming their life, thoughts and routines – just like everyone else, only making it public by putting it on youtube.

    This came out maybe a bit more negative than I first intended. But I just feel like I could probably never get over the overwhelmingness because I don't think I could ever understand why it is such a huge thing to these hysterical fans.

  444. I think you deserve every bit of fame you've achieved! You're such a great beauty blogger, my favourite to be honest! It does make me sad to hear that people would go so far as to actually ring your doorbell multiple times or wait for you to come out. I wouldn't know how to act to that and you're honestly such a strong person. Even though I don't know you personally I know you're such a lovely person and I hope your rollercoaster only goes up as that is just what you deserve!x

  445. This is so profound Zoe. I always think about how overwhelming this must be for you and other YouTubers, and I'm so glad you still want to meet all of your fans even though it can get pretty crazy. :) Thanks for loving us so much!

    I love you, your blog, and your YouTube channel. I'm always smiling when I watch a video you've put up.


  446. Emma.

    i think i speak not only for myself when i say that i love knowing that you have flaws, that's usually what i love most about my friends, that they are flawed, it what makes them unique. i'm kinda like you, i've never had an anxiety quite as bad as yours but i've been in such sad and lonely phases through my teen years that i can relate; We get attached to people because they are just like us, we like you because we recognize ourselves in you (hello you asked for a psychologist? haha), you are inspiring because you're doing all these things in spite of your problems and idk every time you write articles like this, you become more "like us", more "human" and that's bloody reassuring and personnally it makes me happy to know you're happy and you're afraid at the same time (that's more weird that i thought it would …) , it reminds me of when i take the plane and i think "i don't ever want to feel like this is nothing to fly above clouds" :)

  447. I loved reading this Zoe! I often think about this and I can really understand that it can be challenging at times! I love how you can be open with us, but still keep some thing to yourself. You have such a lovely personality, and you inspire me to take chances! I usually prefer to play it safe, but I have realized life is so much more exiting when you take chances and dare to say yes, thank you! I can totally relate to it being scary saying yes and doing stuff (in a totally different scale, but still I kind of get it) I think it is pretty amazing that you are able to do all of this, but I hope you can get a good balance in your life, you deserve it!

    You are amazing, with all the good things and with all the other things you mentioned, we all think you are pretty awesome even though you struggle with some things. It makes you more real, if you get what I am saying? I suppose that is what you were trying to do : ) I think that is a good thing for both parts ^^

    Thank you for explaining all of this! Keep going Zoe, you are GREAT! ^^


  448. Wow this post literally gave me chills. I mean for you to get this oppertunity is amazing but i get that it is hard sometimes especially when you have anxiety. I hope you will be alright and take your time to do things don't rush things because it is not good for you. You should really take your time and just know that me and all the other viewers will always hold your hand and we will always be there to pick you up when you fall <3 THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU AND NOT BEING SOMEONE YOU WANT TO BE <3

  449. This just made my evening. Teared up a little, too. Love you no matter what <3

  450. Zoe, this was one of my favorite blog posts of yours! Its really opened my eyes, its so amazing that you shared your true feelings with all of us… my friend recently started suffering from panic attacks, it breaks my heart and I never really know what to do… do you have any tips? love you xxx

  451. next year im planning to go to summer in the city in hope just to see you along with other youtubers, but it seems extremely stressful? along with my anxiety, i doubt ill be able to go, but i was wondering, is it worth going? you've said the security guards could be a little nicer and long stressful ques and lines, so i was wondering what i should do?…

  452. Hi! So I wrote this on Louise's video when she posted something about this as well. The 'craze' that happens when you guys go to a conventions is a complete turn off to me. I'm 25, if ever the chance that wouldn't be too far out of the way (like when you came to philly) would pop up, yeah sure I would love to meet you and say hello and have a little chat but not if I knew the circumstances would be 'the mob' mentality. It's a complete turn off. I don't know if it's because I'm older… or because I feel like no one should be treated like that (even huge celebrities…). It is one thing to look up to someone/enjoy videos they make and have an opportunity to meet them, and another to scream at them/cry/crowd. Not only does the environment changed for the people on stage, but for the fellow humans next to you. I feel like a limited pre-made (i.e 150-200 – I don't know how long your queue is now but smaller if this is still too much) people per event would help to calm the storm. In my mind at least, it saves a mess of a headache, makes the experience more personal for everyone. That would be something I would feel comfortable coming to, something I sign up for ahead of time (pay or free), and something that might be more manageable for all of you youtubers. ***sorry if this isn't perfectly worded….****

  453. Zoe, you are an inspiration! We all find our way through life in different ways – some take years to develop their career or discover what they are meant to do in life. I definitely think all of your hard work all the way back from 2009 has paid off and you are living your dream because of that. I hope your anxiety becomes more manageable with the more meets you do!

    Hugs from Australia,

    Stephanie Louise xx

  454. Got very emotional reading this, love you Zoe!!

  455. Zoe remember that all those people that scream and wait for you are filled with love and support, instead of thinking about how overwhelming things are take it as how overwhelmed you are with love. All your viewers want nothing but the best of you and over anything is your health so do not feel bad about taking a break and catching a breath and always remember that things go on. You will not get extremely sick you will fight through your anxiety even if it takes a while(not sure how it works). It takes a great person to be able to stand up in front of hundreds of people and make videos that thousands watch and absolutely love so i commend you for that, give yourself a pat on the back. Love you zoe, enjoy life!

  456. It's nice to see that I'm not the only one that suffers from anxiety…and its true people don't see the moments when we have to sneak away to calm down…Zoe you're such an inspiration :)

  457. Handheld Cheap Taps (with hoses) have becomes extremely popular. These can either be Cheap Taps UK like a standard showerhead or be pulled down and directed by hand.
    LED Taps : Factors to Consider Before Buying Kitchen Taps come with enhanced functionalities, including adjustable spray from a Bathroom Accessory fine needle spray. These come in innumerable designs and add elegance to any Waterfall Taps. Certain factors that one should consider before purchasing a Antique Taps are:

  458. I think how you said this was beautiful and I think it is important to recognize and remember that YouTubers are normal people and that is part of the beauty and the culture of the online community of YouTube, it is a way to connect, make friends, and be creative together, connected and united by those around us who enjoy making videos. Great post and much love always.

  459. This is a lovely post Zoe and I'm so proud of you, both for the post and for becoming who you are today! You're honestly one of my role-models and I'm proud to say that. You inspire me each and every day and I couldn't be more thankful.

    Marina xx

  460. Hi Zoe! I absolutely LOVE your blog! I also really enjoy watching your videos! I like how you can be clumsy, funny, natural in your videos and at the same time dress up to look nice. When I saw you had a new post I was like 'Aaaah! Yay!" SO I came straight over and read the entire post because you write so well!

    Huge fan!

    ~Sophie xoxo


  461. I love you so much Zoella! You are a lovely person and my inspiration. I hope to meet you one day. <3

  462. it would be AMAZING to meet not only you, but all the other youtubers who i have loved watching for so long now. Living in a small part of the UK isn't the best, as you can imagine there's no meetups or youtube conventions here! Alot of us viewers/readers live hours from conventions and travelling isn't really an option when you hear stories of the security turning people down, and cutting the line off (and having anxiety). Over all the commotion, we all appreciate the effort and time you put in to making videos, writing posts or even just cute tweets! Even if i never get to meet you, you will always be a massive chunk of myteenage years and growth as a person. P.S you also inspired me to start my own blog, thank you for that!!
    htttp://www.beatymay.blogspot.co.uk xx

  463. Oh Zoe! When I first found your blog I wasn't attracted to the make up reviews (because I'm not the girliest girl). It was your personality that shone through and I remember spending hours reading posts and watching your vlogs in tears (laughter tears). I can't think of anyone more deserving of your success and though it must be overwhelming, you handle it all with grace. I suffer from terrible anxiety too so I have no end of respect for the fact that you can be a yes girl. You inspire me to do the same. Like you said, those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind and I think I speak for everyone when I say how true that is! Thank you for being you :) x

  464. Couldn't agree more Zoe! Loved this post. I'm so happy for you and how you continue to push your boundaries and set new goals. That's life is't it, you must dare to jump. :)

    All the best. xx

    Mary | whatmakesmary.com

  465. ZOE! We love you and have supported you for many years now therefore when youre happy we're even happier!
    Thanks for being my friends *giggles* and I hope you have enjoyed life since you started your little 'just say yes' project which has clearly heled you, me and lots of other people! thanks for being fab!


  466. I actually got very emotional reading this, mainly on the anxiety aspects. I know what it's like getting up in front of big crowds and having to 'perform'. For me though no-one was there to see me haha I was always a backing vocal or would open for someone, but still it's an intense thing to do when you have anxiety. Mine has held me back for way too long, you're 'YES' video way back when really inspired me to go and catch my dreams, and to see how far you've come is awesome Zoe.

    I am glad you love your job, not many people find something fulfilling and satisfying to wake up to every morning. Maybe you, Tanya and Louise could collab on this whole YouTube culture thing and bring it to a broad audiences attention :)

  467. Abby

    Such a lovely post and one I think a lot of your viewers needed to read. I too have really bad anxiety and you have helped me in more ways than one from your videos on anxiety, from having someone to relate to and for inspiring me to start a blog and have my own outlet. I think people have got far too caught up in thinking that this is what you signed up for and that you're just there to please them whilst forgetting that you too have a life and do not at all deserve people ringing your doorbell, camping outside your house and just generally invading your private life.

    I really understand where you are coming from and from the bottom of my heart I want to thank you because you have helped me to become so much more confident and I've said 'yes' to so many opportunities where before I'd have let anxiety take over and have hidden away. I really hope you read this Zoe because I will always love you and be grateful for what you have helped me through and no doubt a million others! I think you deal with overwhelming fans very well and hopefully after reading this they may understand that you need your private space too.

    Lots of Love, Abby x x x

  468. Wow Zoe, what an amazing blogpost! Some people needed to be reminded that youtubers are just normal people too! I would only imagine how it would feel like to stand in front of a crowd that's screaming your name.. I'd get a bit nervous myself! Also the things that you have achieved are amazing Zoe! And yes, I know that you'll probably never read (or fully read) this but I just wanted to say that I'm so proud of you Zoe. Behind youtube you still have a life, and life holds both positive and negative things. But your're dealing with it like a strong independant woman, a new beyonce in the making :)

    Keep up the amazing work! <3
    instagram; @carlijnbultman

  469. beautiful post

  470. Awww Zoe!!! I am a fan of you for 1 and a half year approximately but I really admire you!!! :) You care so much about your fans and we care about you too!! I like so much your videos!! Watching yours and others youtubers videos make me feel better when I m down…Don t care about your haters because they don t deserve your attention!! I hope one day I will be able to meet you too!
    Kisses from Greece!!! :)

  471. How would you react if I told you there’s a job where you have to work 24/7? Well, there’s already someone who holds this position.mothers day poems

  472. Dear Zoe, you have to remember that you really deserve all of this.
    you worked so hard for it!
    Now it is your time to shine and to be happy. so i hope you are happy and enjoying every good thing in your life
    Thank you for your video's en blogposts, they make my day!


  473. hi Zoe <3 my comment won't be in perfect english since I am Italian so sorry lol . First of all thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. I went to Itatube in April ! I was really happy to see you and all the others .Unfortunately I didn't meet you on Sat because everything was crazy busy and a mess ..neither on Sunday . I was really sorry you couldn't make it to the venue but the most important thing is your health so don't worry at all !! :). On Monday morning (being really afraid to look like a freaking stalker or something but I really would have LOVED to meet you because it was a rare opportunity being Italian) I came to the hotel you were staying at. You were so lovely with me <3 I was born in 1991 so I think I am mature and old((lol) enough to see you guys, amazing people living their dream and having crazy lives, as NORMAL people after all.. I do not idolize you lot. I think you have a younger audience as well .. I think some of them can really go too far. As an extremely anxious and scared person, I'd be extremely frightened if I saw girls outside my house being all silly ringing the bell etc.. All I can say is : do what makes you feel better. Please do not ''force'' yourself to come to overwhelming meet&greets .. And if you wanna go to these types of events (because you do not wanna miss out and I understand that:) ) you shouldnt be worried to disappoint us or anything like that. Intelligent and smart people will understand that it is not your fault if they haven't got the chance to meet you and they will know not to scream in your face etc.
    Events like these should be organized in a different way tough .. a more relaxing and chilled way .. ITAtube was a mess..The great part were the panes and conferences :)
    I hope you get what I meant with my comment. sorry for being boring ahah But I really really wanted to say something because I suffer from anxiety too so I can PERFECTLY understand and agree with everything you said in this blog post.

  474. hi Zoe <3 my comment won't be in perfect english since I am Italian so sorry lol . First of all thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. I went to Itatube in April ! I was really happy to see you and all the others .Unfortunately I didn't meet you on Sat because everything was crazy busy and a mess ..neither on Sunday . I was really sorry you couldn't make it to the venue but the most important thing is your health so don't worry at all !! :). On Monday morning (being really afraid to look like a freaking stalker or something but I really would have LOVED to meet you because it was a rare opportunity being Italian) I came to the hotel you were staying at. You were so lovely with me <3 I was born in 1991 so I think I am mature and old((lol) enough to see you guys, amazing people living their dream and having crazy lives, as NORMAL people after all.. I do not idolize you lot. I think you have a younger audience as well .. I think some of them can really go too far. As an extremely anxious and scared person, I'd be extremely frightened if I saw girls outside my house being all silly ringing the bell etc.. All I can say is : do what makes you feel better. Please do not ''force'' yourself to come to overwhelming meet&greets .. And if you wanna go to these types of events (because you do not wanna miss out and I understand that:) ) you shouldnt be worried to disappoint us or anything like that. Intelligent and smart people will understand that it is not your fault if they haven't got the chance to meet you and they will know not to scream in your face etc.
    Events like these should be organized in a different way tough .. a more relaxing and chilled way .. ITAtube was a mess..The great part were the panes and conferences :)
    I hope you get what I meant with my comment. sorry for being boring ahah But I really really wanted to say something because I suffer from anxiety too so I can PERFECTLY understand and agree with everything you said in this blog post.

  475. What a beautiful post Zoe! I would love to meet you one day :)

    x Savannahhttp://mividabonitaa.blogspot.nl/

  476. I think its great that you told us how you feel, so i know that eventhough i look up to you and love your videos, i still sympathise you with all ups and downs that life throws at you, i appreciate everything Zoe
    Much love, Krisha xxx

  477. I think its great that you told us how you feel, so i know that eventhough i look up to you and love your videos, i still sympathise you with all ups and downs that life throws at you, i appreciate everything Zoe
    Much love, Krisha xxx

  478. Zoe, I'm so proud of you! You really are a lucky girl, but it's not because of us (well, partially, it is ahha) it's because you have talent and because you are a beautiful girl inside and out. Yes there will always be mean people you just have to deal with it. Behind every mean people there are thousands who love you!

  479. Wow, this really means a lot :) – i love watching your videos they always make me smile and I feel so happy and so lucky to be watching such an inspiring person who stayed strong through all of this – I went to digifest, it was one of the best experiences i have ever had, i have never been to a concert so i wasn't to sure what to expect from this – i made a poster for you it was green and neon pink with white writing saying "zoella" with hearts in the 'o' and 'a' . when you first came on stage the atmosphere was so overwhelming and every one was screaming and i was jumping so high, holding up my poster so you could see it – when you and the other utubers came on stage for the second time and at the end when everyone started making 'speeches' (or saying things like how crazy this is) you said " i love you all especially that girl with the zoella poster" goose bumps were appearing on my arms and my heart was beating so fast – out of the 5000 people in the room you had seen my poster!!!! ——- I'm sure this happens to so many people but in that one moment i felt like such a special and lucky girl who wouldn't want to change herself for the world — i love watching your videos they have made me soooo confident to be myself and be strong no matter what —- i really enjoyed reading your story of how you started blogging and the journey it took to get to where you are now

    i know this is just one comment in 5000
    but id really appreciate it if you read my story and how special and inspirational you are to me and to so many people….

    Love you millions!!!!
    Josie xxxxxxxx

  480. KKJA16

    I also struggle with anxiety on a daily basis sometimes its really hard for me to go through a school day but i try because of my friends and family.

  481. Hi Zoe,

    I love this post. I just had to go watch your video that you mentioned. I see what you mean now by all of the craze. I just want you to know that I truly watch your videos because they make me feel good, better on a bad day, and just happy. YouTube is my little getaway :)

    Please check out my new blog, if you do so choose.

  482. Omg you're so cute and love your blog and youtube channel "Zoella", such an inspirastion! :D

  483. im so happy for everything you have right now that makes yo happy… hope it all turns out right for you :)


  484. You're amazing Zoe! I love watching your videos, and you are inspirational to me as I suffer from anxiety as well. It has been pretty overwhelming for me in the past year, but watching your videos and hearing you talk about all of these amazing experiences you are having because you venture outside of your comfort zone has been very helpful in getting myself to step outside of my own comfort zone. Keep doing what you're doing, you're awesome :)

  485. I love your post!!
    I really appreciate how you really took a time and wrote about this. Since you are so famous now, it must not be the easiest thing to talk about this kind of things in public. Many people are reading this and interpreting your words differently… so that, I was really amazed how you talked about it and the post became really touchy and inspiring.
    You will always inspire me! Wonderful post!! Good luck, Zoe!

    Click & Visit me ★ Smile with Vivian

  486. Thanks a lot! This blog post and you as a whole inspires me a lot. I've started this blog long back with no progress in it. :/ http://mufeedakaypee.blogspot.co.uk/ But, after reading this post, I feel like writing even more, no matter what.

  487. Isabel

    I loved this post. I agree with you 100% even though I'm not a famous youtuber. I love to read your blog and whatch your videos. But I live in Finland so it wouldn't even be possible to meet you. And yes, I would love it but I always think what it feel like from your point of the view. I hope that you stay like you are, the ordinary girl with an amazing talent and beautiful mind and body. Remember that you won't have to impress anyone besides your self. I love yu and I really hope that you'll be able to get through all this and all your anxious thoughts. Love you, Isabel ! ♥

  488. Do girls really ring your doorbell multiple times and wait outside your door?! WOW that must be hard. I feel sorry for you Zoe, but I still love you. <3

  489. Ella

    This post gave me goosebumps a little bit. I'm sure we are all so proud to see how far you've come Zoe! You've always been one of my favorite youtubers/bloggers,and one of the reasons why I aspire to become a famous blogger one day. You literally have the best job!

    It would mean a lot if you could check out my blog! I blog about anything, whether it's music, celebrities or just life in general.

    xo Ella

  490. to be honest, I feel like you're an inspiration to us all. What you've done with this space on the internet has meant that so many people have given themselves a chance to give it a go and watching you grow into this 'internet sensation' has inspired so many people. you should be really proud, but I can only imagine how overwhelmed you must feel.

  491. Lucie

    A great reality check, very needed indeed. It is true that people (me included) tend to forget that you are not accustomed to such a life and the worst part is you would be harshly judged for expressing some sort of complaint. This post made me tear up, I'm so grateful for your honesty and I think it is truly great of you to take the time (and surpass fear of others opinions) to tell us how you feel about all this, because there's no denying the fact that communication is really important in any sort of relationship. Oh Zoe, you are such a wonderful person to us, and I hope no amount of subscribers or meet ups will ever change that. You seem to be handling this new overwhelming lifestyle so well, and I think I'm not the only one who feels very proud of you. Lastly, regarding meetups and conventions, I believe your mental health and safety come before meeting fans' expectations and those who would rather hug a tired and anxious you rather than let you rest and recover are not worth it.
    I'm so proud of you and the way you've delt with everything, and I could not be more grateful for your realistic and down to earth vision of things.
    Thank you for everything,

    xx, Lucie

  492. Hey, Zoe just letting you know your so AMAZING! and really just perfection i wish was you :) xx
    Love Liv :')

  493. Lucie


  494. You deserve all the good things that have been hapenning in your life. For me you are a big inspiration in a lot of ways. After starting watching your videos and reading your blog I've realized that "ordinary people" have the chance to change the world sometimes and make people happy. You with all the other youtubers and bloggers taught me that what the others think does not defines, what defines is what you do with your life. Even thinking I've never met you and I probably never will I think of you as a friend that helps me get mor confident and happy about who I am. The world is scary and crowns are scary but you have to think you're not alone, we are with you in this incredeble journey. All I have to say is thank you for inspiring me to be better and keep doing what you do as long asit makes you happy. :)

  495. ZOE AND ALL PLEASE READ THIS: Hi, me and my friend Madiha have a blog and you are a true inspiration we love you so much Zoe that it motivated us to create our own blog, were young but we have a passion for fashion and makeup, I really hope that we can gain more followers and readers and wish that YOU can be one of them. x

  496. Alix M

    Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings surrounding Youtube culture Zoe! It's so crazy! As someone who's recently started making youtube videos, it's hard to comprehend the enormity of the consumers these days; to me it's just a super fun hobby! However, in your situation, I'm sure it's insanely overwhelming (I honestly can't even imagine what it must be like) but I feel you and the rest of the Youtube 'gang' are handling it so well. It makes me sad to think that people are going to the extremities of ringing your doorbell and waiting outside your house… that would be awful for anyone. You're being so brave, and I admire you for everything that you've done and achieved! :)

    Alix | alixintheclouds.blogspot.co.uk


  497. It´s so awesome and admirable that you´re so grounded and you are such a inspiration to every person , I ♥ your blog

  498. Hi Zoe, I just wanted to say that I lovee watching your videos, they make me smile so much! I would love to meet you one day, but I wouldn't scream really loudly because I understand that would be really intimidating! xx

  499. challenge of singing in Portuguese

  500. It takes guts to really and completely put your thoughts and feelings into words and share them with basically the world, but it can be oh so good for you. This was inspirational.

  501. Zoe,

    I know you probably won't see this but I thought I would at least try. I met you at playlist and it honestly made my entire life. I still remember the first day I decided to watch videos on YouTube and I came across your channel. I fell in love with your channel and have watched all of your videos at least 30 times because I love them so much. Watching all your videos with the other youtubers, caused me to find tons of other people I love to watch. And for that thank you! I wanted to go to your meet up at playlist and get to meet my idol however, security chose random people to go inside and said that you told them to do so. I knew you would never say this and when I saw your Facebook message about this it confirmed my thoughts. My whole experience at playlist, changed the moment I walked into the expo hall…the only thing I saw was you standing with Louise just feet away from me. When I saw you standing across the room from me, I couldn't stop smiling. I finally got to meet my idol. Your kindness made my experience at playlist one I will never forget.

    You are such a wonderful individual and a superior role model! Never let anyone bring you down and tell you that you can't do something. You changed my life forever and I will forever be grateful.

    Thank you for everything Zoe! Love you! ��

    P.s. I can't wait to see you again!��

  502. People wait outside your house and ring your doorbell?!!? omg… i know which house you live in in brighton (the peachy pink kings gardens in Hove) but why would anyone do that?!

  503. Zoë, I love you and everything about you but I have never been lucky enough to actually meet you in person. You and the rest of the youtubers are my life, I don't go a day without thinking about all of you. What you might be doing and if you are okay and well. I am only 13 and I am a true dedicated fan but I don't have the money, time or transport to come and see you all. Everyone is going to say that they understand what your going through but they really don't. They have never walked out on stage with everyone screaming their name and they probably never will. I am so proud of what you have achieved. You make me happy and one day I will meet you even if you are old and wrinkly when I do!!! Love you forever Georgia xxx

  504. Aw Zoe this is such a sweet post! It's still weird for me to think of you having 4million subs (not in a mean way, you totally deserve all of them!). I've watched you from the very beginning, like you fifth video or something and I remember thinking 'Oh, she's nice, she should really have more subs.' And now suddenly, everyone I talk to knows you! I can see how its overwhelming but well done and good luck with all the fab secret things you have coming up!

  505. I loved this blog post. It's crazy that people forget that Youtubers are just normal people with normal lives. I have just started my blog and although I never imagine it will become as popular as yours its nice to know you are so down to earth and at the end of the day a normal girl with her own worries.

    Rebecca x

  506. Zoe,

    I don't know if you'll ever read this or even come across it , being that you have like 600 comments already, but I have been going through some very tough things lately, and knowing that someone like yourself, a person people look up to and seem to be perfect in every single way, isn't perfect and is just a normal person that has flaws, has helped me a lot. You may be thinking "Oh, she's just another fan." or maybe even "She just wants to meet me."
    And that's okay if you want to think those things but I just wanted to say, that whenever I would have one of my "bumps in the road" as you may call it, I would go and watch one of your videos and remind myself that even the most beautiful, funniest, most perfect seeming people out there have their troubles and their days. I would specifically watch your Draw My Life video. I don't even remember how many times I've watched it now. It just amazes me that someone like yourself can be going through such hard things yet be so strong and continue on. I promise I'm not a creep. I'm just a little girl looking for some courage to keep pushing me along in this big, scary world. I have never gone to a convention, a meet up, or even seen you out in public. Not because I don't like you because I really do but because I don't want to meet the famous Zoella.
    I don't want an autograph or to be in one of your vlogs. I really like your videos and "Zoella" but you know what? I'd pick Zoe over Zoella any day. I'd pick the Zoe who has panic attacks and doesn't wake up perfect. I'd pick the Zoe who eats pizza for dinner and chocolate for breakfast. I have wrote you this letter not because I want you to watch my youtube videos or follow my twitter. Not because I want you to follow my instagram account or to meet you. Simply because I want you to know that my problems exist. You said in your video that you started having frequent panic attacks when you were 14 as a result on your parents getting a divorce.
    I am 14 right now and my problems started when I was 9. You have given me strength in my life. Now that I'm 14 which may seem like I'm still a little girl who doesn't even know what she is talking about, that she has barely experienced anything. I have gone through things that most adults have never gone through. Felt the pain most adults have never felt. But then again so have you. I've been rambling enough for now. :)

    Thanks for being the best you you can be Zoe,

    From America,
    Karley Jo

  507. Zoe, I loved this blog post of yours! The youtube community and the blogging community has grown massive this past few years and it's so hard not to get lost in it. This blog post was so honest and it was so lovely to read. Take care and good luck.
    Zoe xx

  508. Zoe, I have been watching you for years now, I was there right before you hit 500,000 and that seems crazy now you have almost 5 million! But I'd just like to say, that this post was so lovely to be able to read, there are many youtubers that just get consumed by the fanbases and they in a way let that become them, so it's so lovely that you are able to say that you want to spend time with us more as a thank you rather than for the recognition..if that makes sense haha!
    I'd just like to tell you, I think you're doing really well dealing with all of this and although it would be daunting you are very lucky to be experiencing it all, so good luck Zoe!
    Lots of Love, http://ellahoughton.blogspot.co.uk/

  509. Beautiful post!
    Good luck with everything Zoe xxx

  510. BOTOX

    Hello Zoe,
    I can totally understand what you wrote, i've been watching your videos for about 2 years i think and when i saw your last video (the digifest one) i just did NOT understand why evryone was screaming. i thought there were celebrities (besides youtubers) on the scene as well and when i saw there were only you guys i was a bit confused … And i thought to myself "do youtubers feel like that, like superstars or what" and now that i read your article i understand better ahaha anyways (sorry if i dont make 100% sense, im french)

    Anyways, lots of kisses

  511. Zoe, This is such a beautiful post, the fact that you could address this, People need to remember that Youtubers and Bloggers etc are humans too.

  512. Lisa

    it's amazing to see how down to earth you still are with all the attention youtube has brought you. Seeing how openly you talk about your anxiety issues is such an inspiration to me as i find it quite hard to do myself. Out of all of the youtubets i watch you are one of the few which i ve been watching for years and still like as much as in the beginning of your career,you might have evolved as we all do but you seem to never have let thungs get to your head too much.
    Please keep on doing what you love!

    xx Lisa

  513. I never comment on these things so I guess it shows that this post really made me think. I am a teenage girl and a fan of many youtubers – I watch their videos, I follow them on other social media and I genuinely think they are great people who inspire me. However, as a teenager I feel embarrassed to see my own generation acting obsessively,screaming at conventions and stalking youtubers. I am so glad you made this post because I have always wondered what it feels like for youtubers when they are being screamed at and stopped in the street. I met you and Alfie in Brighton and felt bad for interrupting you because you were just shopping but I am glad I said hello & got a picture :) As a fan, I am sometimes guilty of idolising you and thinking that your life is totally perfect and wondering why you get to be friends with amazing youtubers and why you get to be so gorgeous and have an amazing life etc but then I stop myself – because, like you said, you are a normal person who has just been thrown into this whirlwind. On your videos, we of course only see the brilliant incredible stuff about your lives so it is easy to assume that your life is like that always. I guess as a fan I'd like to try and explain how, when one watches youtubers' videos, you get to see their lives and see their personality and you feel like you know them, but you realise they don't know you at all and you are just another number out of 4.7 million. And that's what conventions are there for – to meet your fans and get to know them a bit. But they are no longer like that – I feel it is important to re-assess meetups. They are fantastic but have grown out of control. As a viewer, I would love to have a conversation with you and interact with you in person. Although I've never been to a meetup, I realise that at them fans queue for hours and hours in crazy screaming crowds before meeting the youtuber for about 20 seconds for a selfie and a hug and that youtuber never really met that fan after all did they? I know it is impossible for youtubers to meet all their fans properly with a conversation etc. but I feel meetups need to be re-assessed. And as a viewer sitting in a small town in England, I know that I can't change the nature of meetups, but hopefully you can : ) I'm not really sure where I am going with this but just to let you know a) I support you for this post b) I totally understand what you're saying c) I think you're a great person d) I will continue loving you & your videos and quietly admiring you whilst giving you privacy. I know you probably won't see this but if you do, I give not only you, but all youtubers, the most love in the world. <3 One more thing – if you do see this, maybe ask the other youtubers to discuss with us what their feelings on this issue are? ( of course only if they want to!) Do people like troye,tyler, caspar, joe etc feel the same way? Especially troye & tyler who seem so confident? I feel like it's important for fans to understand the negatives as well as the positives. Apologies for the essay! Thanks for everything Zoe. xxxx

  514. I LOVE YOU TO BITS. i honestly do. I am a normal girl who looks up to you and has a dream of one day meeting you,but don't worry i wont come knocking on your door! I wish you the very best in life and hope that one day we can meet in person. I cant even begin to tell you how much i love you and how your my idol(I know thousands of people have probably told you the same)… If you ever read this then WOW! I am a normal girl(who goes to school near where you used to live) and I live in a TINY village in the SMALLEST city in England(I am told) so am really unknown! I know i am a complete stranger to you and this is the 518th or something comment on this post but I LOVE YOU and you will always be my idol! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Good luck and thank you for being an AMAZING person,Zoe! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  515. Sofie

    This post is so lovely! I don't struggle with anxiety myself but it's so inspirering to read about it
    and how it effects your life. People can't forget that you're just human ;) xx


  516. This was great x

    Love from bowsandsunshine.blogspot.co.uk

  517. Hey Zoe,
    I feel the same way about meet ups. After being to a couple, I feel it does kind of feel like a conveyor belt of meeting lots of people. For me personally, it is kind of scary for me too, with lots of people screaming and pushing, but it's just because people are so desperate to meet you. You anxiety video really helped me when my mum started suffering with panic attacks more often and I was with her by myself, away from home twice, and it was scary. I didn't no what to do but I showed her your video, we watched it together and I told her she wasn't alone and wasn't 'mental' like she thought.
    I wish there was some controlled way that a tell you in person how I feel, without feeling like one in 4 million.
    Thanks for the blog post!
    Zoe xx

  518. As someone who also suffers quite bad from anxiety, I can only imagine how difficult it is for you to take to take the bad with the good. The bad can seem like such a monster, and the good forgotten, when you have anxiety attacks. It feels as if I'm crumbling from the inside, and this is just from everyday criticism I receive. People don't understand it, they tell me to focus on the positive and move on, but it is never that easy.
    I admire that you can do what you do and still walk strong, because it's incredibly difficult to act like you're okay when your mind is sprouting scenarios to make you worry.
    You've done so well Zoe and this post made my belly fizz (this is a good thing).


  520. I feel pretty weird. I think I am even more weird than all the people who see you as a fandom because I actually see you as a friend and when I think about the fact that so many other people watch your content too I feel really small.

  521. Hi Zoe ! I don't know if you will ever read this but anyway. To tell the truth, I have started watching Youtubers' videos for like a month and I have discovered you at the same time as Marcus, Jim, Joe, Alfie and all of them. I'm not a "girly" girl, like I don't like clothes or makeup or things like this but I really enjoy watching some of your videos. I think I do watch them because you're an adorable person who just make me laugh. And that's all I need. You know Zoe, we don't need you to be perfect or always happy or whatever. We know (or at least I know) that you're a human, and all humans have flaws. And even if i'm not as "famous" as you, I think I know how it feels to doubt about everything and to think that you don't deserve all you have. But I can tell you that you deserve all of this. I'll not say that you're amazing because maybe it'll be too much pressure, but you're a good person. I really hope you can see this because my comment will show you that even people who are not into "girly things" really love what you do and who you are. Lots of love from France,
    Morgane x

  522. Gina J

    I honestly can't imagine what it must be like to be in your shoes, and to be honest I don't think I'd want to. People waiting outside your house? What the hell!
    Stay strong though. If anything I'm sure you'll learn to cope with the attention a bit more and it'll get easier. You already are an inspiration for so many (myself included) and it's comforting to know we aren't alone with anxiety. Thank you for sharing.

  523. This is such a great honest post! I went to digifest and met you, and I totally agree with everything you have to say with how it is absolutely mental! There were way too many people, hence there was a lot of pushing and uncomfortable situations. The security were definitely not friendly, and everything was so rushed. It was amazing to meet you and everyone else, but because of how the meet and greet was run, all that I got to do was get your autograph and a picture and then I had to move on. I myself see you and other youtubers as a celebrity but meeting you all, I saw that you were all human, just like us, and that you were definitely overwhelmed with it all.
    I hope that you are managing with all of the craziness.
    Elizabeth x
    Little Beauty Blog

  524. Hey! I love you so much, you are a great and (as weird as this sounds) I want to be exactly like you.
    My passion is making videos, even stupid ones with my friends. I really love your blog, and I would love it if you spent a little bit of your time checking out my blog. Because as you said in your FAQ that you started becoming famous by showing other people your blog, maybe if you did that to me, I would get a chance. So pretty please, can you do that for me??

  525. I'm glad you wrote this. We all need to remember you didn't ask for any of these experiences even though you deeply appreciate them. I just had a look through your older posts like literally from 2009 and I still really enjoyed reading them because they felt less perfected because you didn't have that pressure on you then. You started out just like any other blogger, blogging because you love to share things and have that space to put everything in writing but for everyone to see as well. It's just that over the years you have what looks to us, had the time to perfect your photos, your make up, hair, find the perfect group of friends etc etc. and learn what style suits you as you've grown. As for your anxiety, I suffer massively and can't begin to imagine ever getting rid of it so you have to learn to walk through life with it and get help along the way. Why should you put your life on hold and turn down amazing opportunities to travel etc just because of that. You can either do what I do and not dare travel or do much or go for it and gradually learn you get stronger the more you do. Anyone who says you wouldn't be doing what you do if you had anxiety that bad, needs to remember that it probably won't leave you fully so you refuse to let it completely take over your life. Everyone should go and read your old posts, even if they have seen them before! :D It made me feel better knowing you've built this all up. I hope I've made some sense. Well done for publishing this post! xx

  526. <3 <3 <3 <3 You're doing a wonderful job Zoe. I couldn't do it. I'm a pretty social person (when I'm in my comfort zone) but my own anxiety and panic would take over. Maybe because I'm a little bit older (27) but I don't understand the screaming and crying over anyone celebrity or YouTuber. I get the "celebrity" part of it. You are tangible. You are more like the rest of us than an actress or a singer we see on TV. Thats probably why some of my favorite people to watch right now are YouTubers. But keep moving up with every opportunity you can! I won't stop watching. ;)

  527. im happy if your happy Zoe, thats all that matters

  528. This post was totally amazing, I had to keep on stopping in the middle of the post to actually realize what deep and lovely thoughts I had just read. Zoe, i love you and I'm sooo glad you enjoy doing what you do, 'cause i love watching all you do too! :) You are an inspiration to all of us and I hope I get to meet you one day, it would be awesome! I'm sure this post just told people about how lovely of a person you are. ily
    Wishma xx

  529. I completely agree with this post. Zoe Snugg is wonderful. She is such an inspiration, I hope to one day be as successful as her. If you and everyone reading this post would please check out my blog it would make me smile. Thank you all so much.

    hugs and kisses♥

  530. I think what you have to remember Zoe is that what this looks like to a lot of people is that you seem to have achieved great success in your life without doing very much at all, whilst a lot of other people out there have worked for years to get where they are now! Fearne Cotton springs to mind! When I saw that you had done an interview with her, my mind boggled. Fearne has worked tirelessly for years to achieve her status, where as you, it would seem, have not! Indeed it could be said that you get paid a lot of money to basically dick around on camera, and I truly believe that a lot of people would wonder what the hell all that is about. Also, as an anxiety sufferer myself (for the past 25 years!), I find it very difficult to believe that you are able to do all the things that you have been doing recently whilst still 'suffering from anxiety really badly'. The fact that you have driven miles to visit Louise on your own in the past raises questions! Anxiety and panic disorder is a lot more debilitating than that! If you were that bad, you wouldn't even be on camera! As for young girls ringing your doorbell and waiting outside your house for you, you can only expect that as it is you who has invited it! Just remember, these young girls are the ones who put you were you are now! I'm happy for you that you have had the success, but there are lots more people on youtube with content that is a lot more informative than yours, and it clear that their work is a lot more professionally put together. They deserve a lot more recognition than they get, but unfortunately, life doesn't work that way, and it seems people are generally a lot more interested in what someone's latest 'Boots' haul is! And as for security, don't have a pop at them please! It isn't their job to be friendly, it's their job to watch for signs of trouble in crowds and eliminate it where possible, or, prevent you lot from getting your heads stoved in should that be the case! Please don't get above yourself with the people who are only trying to help you Zoe. As much as they have sent you sailing high in your career currently, they can just as quickly send you crashing onto your arse should they choose to, and we wouldn't want that now, would we?

  531. So I am a beauty blogger but defos old enough to be your Mum and I just wanted to say what a lovely young woman you are and how proud you should be of what you have achieved and the amazing young woman you have become. You handle yourself with such grace and elegance. You are a credit to yourself and those who had a hand in making you the incredible young woman you are. Sorry if this sounds stalkerish. I have noticed that things have been quite tough for you recently and just wanted to say x

  532. Ciool

    Hello Zoe,

    I've been reading your blog now for a couple years and I love it so much! You are really inspiring to me and I had the idea to start my own blog for a really long time but yesterday I thought you know what? I'm just going to start one :)
    So here is my blog: ciool.blogspot.com it's all a bit awkward and I do it just mostly for myself that I can look later back and think oh yeah I did this and that.

    Lots of love from Spain xx

  533. From the sounds of the comments and the experience you talk about in this blog post, it sounds as though the best format for a meet up would be something with less people and more time for interaction between viewers and youtubers. I would rather miss out on tickets to a more exclusive, interactive event than pay money to line up for hours, be treated like crap by security, and then meet you for 30 seconds (which obviously isn't your fault, but due to the sheer amount of people). It sounds like noone is really benefiting except for the event organisers who receive are making money.

  534. I have found british youtuber last summer as well.Love everything that you said:)
    they really changed my life!

  535. Great Reflection!


  536. This post is lovely, and puts in perspective what you actually have to go through (it's not all glam!). You're so brave, suffering with anxiety and going to these mad venues etc Wembley! You're a true inspiration, as I suffer from anxiety myself. Keep doing what you doing, you rock girl! xx


  537. Zoe you literally inspire so many people every single day just by being you. No one is perfect but we all accept each other because it's a way of life. I've been subscribed to your channel and reading your blog for so long it inspired me to start up my own blog! If anyone is interested I will leave the link at the end of my comment! Keep going Zoe, we're all SO proud of you and we love you so nothing else should matter. You have the best fanbase in the world so you're okay!
    Becca x

  538. Nini

    You are a wonderful person Zoe! An inspiration to everyone, I absolutely agree with everything in this lovely post, we are all humans and need time to take a breath. Even though I haven`t experienced any of the meet an greets since I`m on the other side of the world in New Zealand, from your vlogs and all I get to watch it all in a video and I`m grateful for that. If I ever got the chance to meet you, it would be wonderful to meet you in person! <3
    You have done absolutely amazing coming this far and I hope you stay strong for everything that`s about to come and what will unfold for your future!
    Take care of yourself Zoe! <33


  539. You're so amazing Zoe and I could not be more thankful for your videos and for how incredibly happy you make me, thank you for everything xxx Leah

  540. Love your writting zoe

  541. Jaz127

    All these youtubers have started complaining about youtube culture but I just don't get it. If youtubers don't want the 'overwhelming world', then why don't they just stop going to them? By going to these events, its just encouraging more and more people to want to go. If people really like to watch youtube videos, they will watch them without the meetups. Youtubers want this because they make so much money from it.

  542. This is why you are my role model Zoe! 😘❤️ You inspire me so much and I do look up to you! I love you so much keep doing what you do and I will love you forever!

  543. I love watching your YouTube videos, your such an inspiration to me, I would love it if you had just a few minutes in your day to check out my blog especially my airplane beauty tips. That's the one I'm most proud of.

  544. totally agree x


  545. I always think this especially the point that you made that because she has got bigger that you will have less of a chance to meet her. But, the thing is, is that it will make it more special if you do meet her because of what she has achieved x


  546. I wish I could meet her as well and I live in the same country as her but because she has become so famous then it is hard!

  547. totally agree

  548. You have spoken for me – like you said – and I totally agree with you saying that we will probably never know her personally but we can understand over the internet

  549. zoeee whoa i've been waiting or your next post for sooo long. This one's ovely. Thanks for opening up to us. I just wanna say that you deserve all the blessing coming. <333333


  550. I cried ! Thanks zoe!!!! i luh youuuuu

  551. zoe! i would like to start saying this was a wonderful post! i loved you so much and you cant even imagine the joy your videos bring to me! when im down, stressed or depresses i watch one of your videos, old or new. i hope you get used too all the screaming because im sure that you will have way more fans than you have now because you are an incredible women! thankyou so much and i will love to meet you one day so COME TO BRASIL! ily!

  552. Nothing can describe my love for you right now and always. I wish I got a chance to meet you and all of your AMAZING youtube friends. But that might not happen. Just wanted to tell you haw much I love you. To the Moon and Back.

  553. This post was such an eye opener to see what can really happen from blogging and youtube. You've done an amazing job, Zoe, and I love your stuff! xx

  554. I respect you a lot Zoe. You´ll be alright :*

  555. I respect you a lot Zoe. You´ll be alright :-*

  556. I read this and really thought about it. I watched some of those vlogs especially at some of the meet ups and was panicking myself seeing just how many people were there and you all looked super nervous and just a little worried. The YouTube world has become MASSIVE but I still love your chatty videos and blog posts, it doesn't need to be extravagant and well thought out all the time. Chatty is good!X

  557. Hi Zoe! I'm from Uruguay, so I've never been to a meetup. However, I don't think I would choose to go either. It's like the magic is broken, you're no longer my friend who makes me laugh but that famous youtuber. I mean, I've seen your house, your friends, your life. A LOT of it. It's confusing sometimes, because I know a lot about you and you don't even know I exist.

    And that engagement prank… did anyone else feel like in The Hunger Games when they pretend to be getting married? Idk, Youtube is looking a bit cartoonish lately…

  558. i get u 100% and i think that its silly all the screaming and shouting and pointless.i love watching your videos and to meet up with u but its unfair on you to have the pressure of everyone wanting to meet up with you like its the end of the world when its not everyone makes it a bigger

    i get u 100% and i think that its silly all the screaming and shouting and pointless.i love watching your videos and to meet up with u but its unfair on you to have the pressure of everyone wanting to meet up with you like its the end on the world when its not everyone makes it a bigger deal than it should be.you should have the first decision on meeting up with people! thankyou zoe for really good advice and tips x

    you should have the first decision! thankyou zoe x

  559. hey,
    I love this blog so much. All of your ideas are so interesting and the way that you describe your life is so much deeper than what we see on YouTube. Thank you so much for being such an inspiring role model for every young girl out there.

    Now, if anyone wouldn't mind, I know that this gets annoying but I'm a new YouTuber and I'm a bit late starting out so it would mean a lot to me if anyone would watch my videos. I work hard to make them and even if they seem stupid or a waste of time, they are important to me. Here's my channel and thank you so much to anyone who watches. Sorry for the 'spam'…


  560. Mia

    All I have to say Zoe is that you are a normal girl behind everything but every normal girl is unique! We all love you because of your kindness and love towards us. Some of us just share the same passion of beauty and others (like me) just love watching you laugh with your friends and share your life with you. I am only 12 years old but I love you and would love to meet you one day if you came up to the Worcester area! I bet your just as lovely in real life. Keep pushing and saying yes. I'm so proud of you and how far you've come!
    I will continue to watch all your videos with a smile on my face.
    Mia xxx

  561. Zoe, you inspire me so much. As a youtuber, but also as a person. This post shows how real you are. You share your thoughts and talents through the internet. For this I am forever great full. You have probably impacted many more lives than you could ever imagine, whether it be a subscriber, or someone who has unexpectantly stumbled upon one of your videos. You have grown so much as a person since 2009. And I know for a fact that ever since I've started reading your blog, I have grown as a person. I think people must be reminded that you are a real person. That you deserve privacy, and there is a line that must be drawn. Waiting outside your apartment and ringing on your doorbell is most definitely crossing the line. Zoe, you deserve so much. I'm sure you won't even read this, but there's a small chance right? I have never personally dealt with anxiety, but I understand what you mean when you say you care too much about how others think of you. I often times find myself telling others they shouldn't care what others think of them, but then I realize how hypocritical I'm being. Honestly, I probably care more about what other think of me than they do. I had Alopecia for most of my child hood. It was right above my forehead in the front of my head, where everyone could see it. For a long time, I would try to cover my bald spot up, with headbands or some sort of hat. Eventually I realized how stupid I was being, I shouldn't care what other think of me. So I stopped wear the headbands. But then people started to ask. They started to stare. I think for a short period of time I fell into a depression. It made me feel so ashamed of myself. They probably didn't even make a great deal out of it, but to me, it was like there was someone staring at me every second of the day. About a year and a half ago, I got over Alopecia. My hair is still growing out, but there is no more bald spot. I think my worst fear in this world is regret. And I regret so much. I regret not accepting who I was. Not taking pride in myself. And I know right now, I am basically admitting my life story to the whole internet. But when I die, my main goal is to leave an impact in this world. And maybe the one person who reads this will take something from this comment (lol more like a whole separate post). So the whole point of me sharing my life story on the internet is to tell you Zoe, that you have left an impact. A positive one. And I thank you for all the good you have done in this world. And if you're ever in a need for someone to listen to you, hit me up. I think a lot of times, people just need someone to listen. Even the best in the business. Thank you Zoe, I cannot express the respect I will forever hold for you.

    Much, much love,
    Cindy xx

  562. i'm so proud of you Zoe and i think you're a wonderful person who deserves nothing but the best <3 xx was gutted that i couldn't meet you when you guys visited Dubai :( hopefully you'll come again soon…? pleaaase?? :$ xx


  563. hello zoella well done! I also saw the video louise make of this.

  564. i definitely understand this, and i think you're so right! I guess it's weird for you to see people seeing you as a celebrity if you just feel like a normal person, and it must be hard to not live like the majority of us, and just do what you want and not have people stopping you or recognising you, or wanting to know what you're doing every second of every day. i definitely admire you and all of your youtuber friends for managing, because i don't know if i could! saying that, i hope you don't stop anytime soon because i love watching your videos!

    katie xx http://katiesteinfeldt.blogspot.co.uk/

  565. Thank you so much for this post. As someone who has really bad anxiety issues myself, I can't imagine doing half of the things you've been able to accomplish through all of it. I'm really inspired by your perseverance and positive attitude. I really hope I can do half of the good you've really done (whether you feel like you have or not, which you definitely have in my opinion) in my life. It gets hard to see the real people behind the YouTube fame, but I'm glad you are able to show that it's not all glamorous but still be grateful for and enjoy your experiences! xo

  566. This post has made me very happy! You are such a down to earth person and that's why you're one of my favourite bloggers. Quite surprised I haven't bumped into you in Brighton, as I live there too and it's such a small town. I too suffer from Anxiety and it can be a real challenge to deal with, but I do hope that its something you will overcome. I'm currently reading "Self Help for the Nerves" which really helps deal with anxiety. Also I've been told "The Power of Now" is a life changer too. You seem like a trooper though!


  567. zoe you are amazing (: from chile/latinamerica <3

  568. I really like how you made this post so personal, but still managed to include us readers.
    I can only imagine how a screaming crowd must make you feel and I'm really relieved that you still feel like a 'normal' girl. Many others wouldn't be able to cope with the fame :)

  569. In love with this post ♥ It's so honest and touching. Love you and support you Zoe.

    xx Amy


  570. Your post always perfect and you're beautiful. Love

  571. I really love this post and I also love your blog. You inspire me. I don't have any followers in my new blog I just made. Could you please follow my blog? That would really make my day. I also love your hair tutorials. Can you also do like challenges with food like the chubby bunny challenge? http://oitsgrace.blogspot.com/

  572. Hello Zoe
    I understand what you have said in this blog post. I think many people forget that youtubers are normal people that go through difficult situations to. I love watching our youtube videos and reading your blog posts. I think your a really inspirational girl and millions of people look up to you (including me). I think your talk about cyber-bulling on newsround was verry helpful. Carry on doing what your doing. Your amazing!

    Milly xx

  573. I love that you are willing to talk about your experiences especially about anxiety and panic attacks, I discovered your videos back in November or December of 2012 just before the youtube mania hit. Then in July I had what I would describe as mental/emotional/anxiety breakdown where I couldn't work, let alone get out of bed. Watching your videos and other youtubers helped me to focus on something other than my anxiety and emotions. Also you talking about it made me feel like I wasn't alone. And now almost a year later I have a job that I love and I have really good control over my anxiety. All though it was literally hell for me, I am so much happy than I was before. Thank you for being you and sharing your story with us. And introducing me to many awesome youtubers and to makeup ;-P

  574. Thank you for sharing this with us! I think its crazy how people so easily disregard your privacy…especially when you are in your own home. I hope this post has helped put an end to that insensitivity, or at least slowed it down!


  575. I have never been to a youtube convention as I live in France and there hasn't being one yet, but if you ever did come I would do everything I can to come as I want to say how much I love your videos !! xxx Izzy

  576. I met up with Caspar Lee in South Africa last year. I was planning on vlogging it and I was so nervous that I ended up only filming the bottom of his chin. But basically he was such a normal person, he seemed a little bit nervous, even shy and it was that time that I realised that I sort of forgot that you guys were just normal people with normal lives. Now I understand and I love you guys just the same xx Maybe my next meet up I will be less awkward Xxx Love you

  577. I think you have a very lovely view of the world. I also think it would be extremely overwhelming to have people screaming and crying and being extremely excited to meet you. Lovely, but definitely overwhelming. You're number one priority is yourself. Do what you love and what you want to do, definitely push yourself, but do it all for yourself, not for anyone else. I think people coming to your house is extremely creepy and people definitely need to know the boundaries.


  578. I think it's a very good thing that there's attention to this problem within the YouTube community and thank you for joining the conversation but I disagree with you on a few points.
    First of all I think it's a misunderstanding that we -the viewers- don't realize you are a complex human being. Which I find somewhat patronizing. Sure, a certain amount of viewers might not realize that 'Zoe' is behind 'Zoella the YouTube channel'. But I think most viewers DO realize that when they say ''I love Zoe'' or ''I love Zoella'' they're talking about the content you make and not about the person. I believe they realize they don't actually know you, that you’re just a normal person too and your videos are a constructed version of yourself.
    Second, I think you ARE a celebrity and this is why (as also explained in chalieissocoollike's video): you are in magazines, you draw thousands of people to gatherings, you get stopped in the streets and apparently people are waiting for you by your house. In my mind this is what a celebrity is. I understand that this might not be what you want and that this success has come very rapidly and suddenly and might be confusing and overwhelming.
    I just want you to remember that the small amount of people who don't realize you are just a normal person or wait by your door is only a SMALL part of your viewers. Therefore, most of us just love your videos and blogposts at the same time realizing it is the product we love and not the person behind it because we don't actually know you and you are a complex person with your own ups and downs. I would love for you to see that or remember that when you encounter an overwhelming 'fan'. As much as some fans need to imagine Youtubers complexly, some Youtubers need to see their viewers complexly too.
    Regarding overwhelming conventions/meetups: when a viewer watches your videos and build up a feeling of 'oh I like these videos very much, I would love to meet her in person one day to tell her' and they visit a convention that translates to each viewer who feels the same way expressing this at the same time; mostly by screaming because all the other viewers want to let their love for your content be heard too. I can't imagine how overwhelming that might feel but I think you can be proud of yourself for how you've dealt with it. I look forward to your next video/blogpost! X